s: "'Oh, how does our good ship head to-night!


s: 'Oh, the sextant's down to the freezing point,


s: "'Oh, and if the quadrant has lost a hand,


s: "'Oh, boatswain, down in the for'ard hold


s: "'Oh, sailors, collar your marline spikes


s: Come stir your stumps, and spike the pumps,


s: "They stirred their stumps, they spiked the pumps,


s: "Then up spoke the Cook, of our gallant ship,


s: 'It's awful to die, and it's worse to be dry,


s: Through foam and spray he clove his way,


s: By that modest and truthful son of the sea,


s: Though captains curse him and sailors hate,


s: For he ain't like some of the swabs I've seen,


s: "'Tis what we've waited for, for years,"


s: Of all the rides since the birth of time,


s: Tarred and feathered and carried in a cart


s: Shouting and singing the shrill refrain:


s: "Here's Flud Oirson, fur his horrd horrt,


s: Torr'd an' futherr'd an' corr'd in a corrt


s: With conch-shells blowing and fish-horns' twang,


s: And off he sailed through the fog and rain!


s: Looked for the coming that might not be!


s: What did the winds and the sea-birds say


s: Sharp-tongued spinsters, old wives gray,


s: Shook head, and fist, and hat, and cane,


s: And cracked with curses the hoarse refrain:


s: Of the fields so green and the sky so blue.


s: "Hear me, neighbors!" at last he cried,--


s: To the nameless horror that lives within?


s: The hand of God and the face of the dead!"


s: Said old Floyd Ireson, for his hard heart,


s: Then the wife of the skipper lost at sea


s: Said, "God has touched him! Why should we?"


s: Said an old wife, mourning her only son:


s: "Cut the rogue's tether and let him run!"


s: So with soft relentings and rude excuse,


s: Half scorn, half pity, they cut him loose,


s: And left him alone with his shame and sin.


s: Tarred and feathered and carried in a cart


s: Twisting his tongue as he twisted the strings,


s: And working his face as he worked the wings,


s: Turning and screwing his mouth round too,


s: And his wrinkled cheeks and his squinting eyes


s: That made him look very droll in the face,


s: An' blackbird an' catbird beat us holler?


s: No bigger'n my thumb, know more than men?


s: What's th' use o' wings to a bumble-bee,


s: Fur to git a livin' with, more'n to me;--


s: Wouldn't stand sun-heat an' hard whacks.


s: And he said to himself, as he tinkered and planned:


s: So he kept his secret from all the rest,


s: Himself he locks, with thimble and thread


s: And wax and hammer and buckles and screws


s: A piece of harness; and straps and strings;


s: Drawing the waxed-end through with a jerk,


s: And boring the holes with a comical quirk


s: Of his wise old head, and a knowing smirk.


s: But vainly they mounted each other's backs,


s: And poked through knot-holes and pried through cracks;


s: With wood from the pile and straw from the stacks


s: He plugged the knot-holes and caulked the cracks;


s: And a dipper of water, which one would think


s: He had brought up into the loft to drink


s: Keep wide awake when ye're ketchin' him!"


s: He stitched and tinkered and hammered away,


s: "An' now," says Darius, "hooray fur some fun!"


s: Save a few light fleeces, which here and there


s: Like foam on the ocean went floating by--


s: Just as lovely a morning as ever was seen


s: For a nice little trip in a flying-machine.


s: Thought cunning Darius: "Now I shan't go


s: I'll say I've got sich a terrible cough!


s: An' then, when the folks 'ave all gone off,


s: I'll hev full swing fur to try the thing,


s: My gracious!--feel's though I should fly!"


s: Shouldn't wonder 'f you might see me, though,


s: O' this jumpin', thumpin' pain 'n my head."


s: To see how 't seems, then soon's I've got


s: Over their heads I'll sail like an eagle;


s: I'll balance myself on my wings like a sea-gull:


s: I'll dance on the chimbleys; I'll stand on the steeple;


s: I'll flop up to winders an' scare the people!


s: I'll light on the liberty-pole, an' crow;


s: An' I'll say to the gawpin' fools below,


s: Fur I'll make 'em b'lieve I'm a chap f'm the moon;


s: An' I'll try to race 'ith their ol' balloon!"


s: And, seeing the others were gone, he said,


s: His brothers had walked but a little way,


s: "Don'o'--the 's suthin' ur other to pay,


s: Ur he wouldn't 'a' stayed tu hum to-day."


s: Says Burke, "His toothache's all 'n his eye!


s: Then Sol, the little one, spoke: "By darn!


s: "Agreed!" Through the orchard they creep back


s: And one by one, through a hole in the wall,


s: Came up through the floor like an ancient rat


s: The fastenings back, and the door undid.


s: "While I squint an' see what the' is to see."


s: (I believe they called the thing a helm,)


s: The dragons and pagans that plagued the earth


s: Put on his wings and strapped them tight


s: He stretches it out, an' pokes it about,


s: He's riggin' a spring-board over the sill!


s: Stop laffin', Solomon! Burke, keep still!


s: He's a climbin' out now--Of all the things!


s: An' that 'tother thing? I vum, it's a tail!


s: An' there he sits like a hawk on a rail!


s: Of his spring-board, and teeters to try its strength.


s: Now he stretches his wings, like a monstrous bat;


s: Peeks over his shoulder; this way an' that,


s: Fur to see 'f the' 's any one passin' by;


s: Flutt'rin' an' flound'rin' all 'n a lump!"


s: As a demon is hurled by an angel's spear,


s: In the midst of the barn-yard, he came down,


s: In a wonderful whirl of tangled strings,


s: And what was that? Did the gosling laugh?


s: 'Tis a merry roar from the old barn-door,


s: And he hears the voice of Jotham crying,


s: As he stanched his sorrowful nose with his cuff.


s: He said; "but the' ain't such a thunderin' sight


s: And this is the moral--Stick to your sphere.


s: Or if you insist, as you have the right,


s: On spreading your wings for a loftier flight,


s: "They clinched like two rampageous bears,


s: And still them fellers swore and gouged,


s: "The neighbours heard the noise they made,


s: He wint to the fair, and kicked up a dust there,


s: In dancing a Donnybrook jig--with his twig.


s: For the fair very soon, was as full--as the moon,


s: Such mobs upon mobs as were there, oh rare!


s: Peep'd in here and there, as he walked through the fair,


s: And took a small drop in each tent--as he went,--


s: But his own darling Kate, so gay and so nate?


s: Faith! her partner he hit him a dig--the pig,


s: Until an arch wag cut a hole in the bag,


s: And at once put an end to the tune--too soon--


s: While a great big tear stood in his eye,


s: He cried, "Lord, how I'm kilt, all alone for that jilt;


s: With her may the devil fly high in the sky,


s: For I'm murdered, and don't know for why."


s: Whilst a step to'ards his foe did advance,


s: "By the Father of Men, say but that word again,


s: And I'll soon knock you back in a trance--to your dance,


s: For with me you'd have but small chance."


s: "But," says Kitty, the darlint, says she,


s: It's myself that will show that he can't be your foe,


s: Though he fought for his cousin--that's me," says she,


s: And Biddy's step-son, sure he married Bess Dunn,


s: Who was gossip to Jenny, as mild a child


s: Who served goat's-whey in Dundrum's sweet town?


s: 'Twas her uncle's half-brother, who married my mother,


s: And bought me this new yellow gown, to go down


s: When the marriage was held in Milltown."


s: "By the powers, then," says Dermot, "'tis plain,


s: My best friend I have kilt, though no blood is spilt,


s: But the devil a harm did I mane--that's plain;


s: A captain bold from Halifax who dwelt in country quarters,


s: Betrayed a maid who hanged herself one morning in her Garters.


s: His wicked conscience smited him, he lost his Stomach daily,


s: And took to drinking Ratafia while thinking of Miss Bailey.


s: One night betimes he went to bed, for he had caught a Fever;


s: Says he, "I am a handsome man, but I'm a gay Deceiver."


s: His candle just at twelve o'clock began to burn quite palely,


s: A Ghost stepped up to his bedside and said "Behold Miss Bailey!"


s: There really is a one pound note in my regimental Smallclothes;


s: The last two stanzas were added by Miss Ferrier.


s: The Laird o' Cockpen, he's proud and he's great;


s: His mind is ta'en up wi' the things o' the state;


s: He wanted a wife his braw house to keep;


s: But favour wi' wooin' was fashious to seek.


s: At his table-head he thought she'd look well


s: M'Clish's ae daughter o' Claverse-ha' Lee--


s: His wig was well-pouther'd, as guid as when new,


s: His waistcoat was white, his coat it was blue:


s: He put on a ring, a sword, and cock'd hat--


s: And wha could refuse the Laird wi' a' that?


s: He took the grey mare, and rade cannilie--


s: And rapped at the yett o' Claverse-ha' Lee;


s: "Gae tell mistress Jean to come speedily ben:


s: She's wanted to speak wi' the Laird o' Cockpen."


s: Mistress Jean she was makin' the elder-flower wine;


s: "And what brings the Laird at sic a like time?"


s: She put off her apron, and on her silk gown,


s: Her mutch wi' red ribbons, and gaed awa' down.


s: And when she cam' ben, he boued fu' low;


s: And what was his errand he soon let her know,


s: Amazed was the Laird when the lady said, Na,


s: And wi' a laigh curtsie she turned awa'.


s: Dumfounder'd he was, but nae sigh did he gi'e;


s: And aften he thought, as he gaed through the glen,


s: "She's daft to refuse the Laird o' Cockpen."


s: And now that the Laird his exit had made,


s: Mistress Jean she reflected on what she had said;


s: "Oh! for ane I'll get better, it's waur I'll get ten--


s: I was daft to refuse the Laird o' Cockpen."


s: Neist time that the Laird and the Lady were seen,


s: They were gaun arm and arm to the kirk on the green;


s: Now she sits in the ha' like a weel-tappit hen,


s: But as yet there's nae chickens appeared at Cockpen.


s: Where we (thou know'st) do sell our hay,


s: The King (God bless him!) 'twould undo him


s: Her mouth so small, when she does speak,


s: Thou'dst swear her teeth her words did break,


s: There's that that would be thought upon,


s: Just in the nick the Cook knock'd thrice,


s: March'd boldly up like our train'd band,


s: Healths first go round, and then the house,


s: But yet 'twas thought he guest her mind,


s: Does he sit on a stool or sofa or chair,      or Squat,


s: Does he drink his soup and his coffee cold,     or Hot,


s: Does he sing or whistle, jabber or talk,


s: And when riding abroad does he gallop or walk, or Trot,


s: Does he sleep on a mattress, a bed or a mat,  or a Cot,


s: When he writes a copy in round-hand size,


s: Does he cross his t's and finish his i's    with a Dot,


s: Without a speck or a smudge or smear         or a Blot,


s: Or do they, whenever they can, rebel,          or Plot,


s: If he catches them then, either old or young,


s: Does he have them chopped in pieces or hung,   or Shot,


s: Do his people prig in the lanes or park?


s: Or even at times, when days are dark,          Garotte?


s: Does he study the wants of his own dominion?


s: Or doesn't he care for public opinion            a Jot,


s: To amuse his mind do his people show him


s: Pictures, or any one's last new poem,          or What,


s: At night if he suddenly screams and wakes,


s: Do they bring him only a few small cakes,     or a Lot,


s: Does he like his shawl to be marked with a stripe


s: Does he like to lie on his back in a boat


s: Like the lady who lived in that isle remote,   Shalott.


s: Is his steward a Swiss or a Swede or a Russ, or a Scot,


s: Does he like to sit by the calm blue wave?


s: Or to sleep and snore in a dark green cave, or a Grott,


s: Does he drink small beer from a silver jug?


s: Or a bowl? or a glass? or a cup? or a mug?    or a Pot,


s: Does he beat his wife with a gold-topped pipe,


s: When she lets the gooseberries grow too ripe,   or Rot,


s: Does he wear a white tie when he dines with his friends,


s: And tie it neat in a bow with ends,          or a Knot,


s: Does he like new cream, and hate mince-pies?


s: When he looks at the sun does he wink his eyes, or Not,


s: Does he teach his subjects to roast and bake?


s: Does he sail about on an inland lake,       in a Yacht,


s: "The Ahkoond of Swat is dead."--London Papers of Jan. 22, 1878.


s: He strove to disregard the message stern,


s: His mortal part alone, his soul was caught


s: The azure skies that bend above his loved


s: With a noise of mourning and of lamentation!


s: With the noise of the mourning of the Swattish nation!


s: Further than this indeed he knoweth not--


s: When sorrows come, they come not single spies,


s: Ions: the gloom that lay on Swat now lies


s: Wherein did the deceased Akhoond of Swat


s: And fled the presence of these mortal big bugs o' the field?


s: Of statesmen with morals and consciences plastic


s: Of Moolla and Akhoond aught more than I did?


s: Namely, in life they rivals were, or foes,


s: And in their deaths not very much divided?


s: And here's an inn, not rich and splendid,


s: Green herbs, red peppers, mussels, saffron,


s: Should love good victuals and good drinks.


s: The waiter stares, and shrugs his shoulder--


s: "What will Monsieur require for dinner?"


s: "Oh, oui, Monsieur," 's the waiter's answer;


s: "Tell me a good one."--"That I can, Sir:


s: "He's done with feasting and with drinking,


s: This well-known chair since last I took.


s: Around the board they take their places,


s: There's Jack has made a wondrous marriage;


s: There's brave Augustus drives his carriage;


s: And sweetly spoke and smiled to cheer me


s: Come, fill it, and have done with rhymes:


s: With thankful heart, whate'er the meal is.


s: And sail the salt say from Archangel to Arragon,


s: But to ould Docther Mack ye can't furnish a paragon.


s: Fresh livers and limbs instantaneous he'll shape yez,


s: And lineal postarior to Ould Aysculapius.


s: He and his wig wid the curls so carroty,


s: The king of his kind and the crame of all charity!


s: Crowd on to his doore in their carts and their carriages,


s: For divle one symptom the docther disparages.


s: From his warm feather-bed wid no cross contrariety;


s: The beggar in rags as the belle of society.


s: Dad, wid one dose of bread-pills he can smother,


s: By prescribin' the right boys and girls to aich other.


s: To see the wee craythurs his coat-tails unravellin',


s: Well knowin' ould Mack's just a toy-shop out travellin'.


s: Wid the rod or the gun, he's the foremost to figure.


s: E'er rose to backgammon his tail-fly or trigger!


s: On black "Faugh-a-ballagh" the country-side sailin'.


s: The king of his kind and the crame of all charity.


s: Of priests we can offer a charmin' variety,


s: Still, I'd advance ye, widout impropriety,


s: Father O'Flynn as the flower of them all.


s: _Here's a health to you, Father O'Flynn,


s: Don't talk of your Provost and Fellows of Trinity,


s: Father O'Flynn 'd make hares of them all!


s: Och! Father O'Flynn, you've the wonderful way wid you,


s: All ould sinners are wishful to pray wid you,


s: All the young childer are wild for to play wid you,


s: You've such a way wid you, Father avick!


s: Gad, you've your flock in the grandest control;


s: And though quite avoidin' all foolish frivolity,


s: Still at all seasons of innocent jollity,


s: Where was the play-boy could claim an equality


s: Once the Bishop looked grave at your jest,


s: Till this remark set him off wid the rest:


s: Like a dream of pleasure the days fled by,


s: But one day there joined in our household band


s: A bald-headed tyrant from No-man's-land.


s: Oh, the despot came in the dead of night,


s: Like slaves we trembled before his might,


s: Our hearts stood still when we heard him cry;


s: For never a soul could his power withstand,


s: That bald-headed tyrant from No-man's-land.


s: He ordered us here, and he sent us there--


s: Though never a word could his small lips speak--


s: With his toothless gums and his vacant stare,


s: And his helpless limbs so frail and weak,


s: Till I cried, in a voice of stern command,


s: "Go up, thou bald-head from No-man's-land!"


s: But his abject slaves they turned on me;


s: Like the bears in Scripture, they'd rend me there,


s: The while they worshiped with bended knee


s: This ruthless wretch with the missing hair;


s: For he rules them all with relentless hand,


s: This bald-headed tyrant from No-man's-land.


s: Then I searched for help in every clime,


s: For peace had fled from my dwelling now,


s: Till I finally thought of old Father Time,


s: This bald-headed tyrant from No-man's-land?"


s: Old Time he looked with a puzzled stare,


s: And a smile came over his features grim.


s: The veriest humbug that ever was planned


s: Is this same bald-head from No-man's-land."


s: Much less of might does the tyrant wield;


s: But, ah! with sorrow my heart will swell,


s: Could I stay the touch of that shriveled hand,


s: I would keep the bald-head from No-man's-land.


s: For the loss of peace I have ceased to care;


s: Like other vassals, I've learned, forsooth,


s: Barney McGee, there's no end of good luck in you,


s: Will-o'-the-wisp, with a flicker of Puck in you,


s: Wild as a bull-pup, and all of his pluck in you--


s: Let a man tread on your coat and he'll see!


s: Eyes like the lakes of Killarney for clarity,


s: Nose that turns up without any vulgarity,


s: Smile like a cherub, and hair that is carroty--


s: Lucky the day when I met you unwittingly,


s: Dining where vagabonds came and went flittingly.


s: Here's some _Barbera_ to drink it befittingly,


s: Many's the time we have quaffed our Chianti there,


s: Listened to Silvio quoting us Dante there--


s: Once more to drink Nebiolo Spumante there,


s: Barney McGee, when you're sober you scintillate,


s: But when you're in drink you're the pride of the intellect;


s: Divil a one of us ever came in till late,


s: Once at the bar where you happened to be--


s: Every eye there like a spoke in you centering,


s: You with your eloquence, blarney, and bantering--


s: Och, and the girls whose poor hearts you deracinate,


s: Whirl and bewilder and flutter and fascinate!


s: Faith, it's so killing you are, you assassinate--


s: Murder's the word for you, Barney McGee!


s: Bold when they're sunny, and smooth when they're showery--


s: Oh, but the style of you, fluent and flowery!


s: Chesterfield's way, with a touch of the Bowery!


s: How, would they silence you, Barney machree?


s: Facile with phrases of length and Latinity,


s: Where is the maid could resist your vicinity,


s: Wiled by the impudent grace of your plea?


s: Carry the day with the divil's audacity;


s: Barney McGee, you're the pick of gentility;


s: Nothing can phase you, you've such a facility;


s: There is the charm of you, Barney McGee;


s: Under conditions that others would stammer in,


s: Still unperturbed as a cat or a Cameron,


s: You who were ever alert to befriend a man,


s: You who were ever the first to defend a man,


s: You who had always the money to lend a man,


s: Sure, you'll be playing a harp in beatitude


s: (And a quare sight you will be in that attitude)--


s: Some day, where gratitude seems but a platitude,


s: You'll find your latitude, Barney McGee.


s: Ill-hairsts, daft bargains, cutty-stools,


s: Whare'er that place be priests ca' hell,


s: Thou, Toothache, surely bear'st the bell


s: While each man, through thy height'ning steam,


s: Friendliest of plants, that I must) leave thee.


s: They took a plough and plough'd him down,


s: And they hae ta'en his very heart's blood,


s: The skin, the sides, the chin, the chops,


s: What though thy shell protects thy fragile head


s: From the sharp bailiffs of the briny sea?


s: Thy valves are, sure, no safety-valves to thee,


s: While rakes are free to desecrate thy bed,


s: And bear thee off--as foemen take their spoil--


s: Far from thy friends and family to roam;


s: Forced, like a Hessian, from thy native home,


s: Though thou art tender yet thy humble bard


s: Declares, O clam! thy case is shocking hard!


s: Now senseless, floating on the fragrant wave;


s: Why not content the cakes alone to munch?


s: Dearly thou pay'st for buzzing round the bowl;


s: Lost to the world, thou busy sweet-lipped soul--


s: Thus Death, as well as Pleasure, dwells with Punch.


s: Now let me take thee out, and moralize--


s: Thus 'tis with mortals, as it is with flies,


s: Though Fate, with all his legions, be at hand,


s: The beasts, the draught of Circe can't withstand,


s: But in goes every nose--they must, will sup.


s: Mad are the passions, as a colt untamed!


s: When Prudence mounts their backs to ride them mild.


s: They fling, they snort, they foam, they rise inflamed,


s: Insisting on their own sole will so wild.


s: Gadsbud! my buzzing friend, thou art not dead;


s: The Fates, so kind, have not yet snapped thy thread;


s: By heavens, thou mov'st a leg, and now its brother.


s: And kicking, lo, again, thou mov'st another!


s: And now thy little drunken eyes unclose,


s: And now thou feelest for thy little nose,


s: And, finding it, thou rubbest thy two hands


s: Much as to say, "I'm glad I'm here again."


s: And well mayest thou rejoice--'tis very plain,


s: That near wert thou to Death's unsocial lands.


s: Now shaking the rich liquor from thy back,


s: Now fluttering nectar from thy silken wings.


s: Now standing on thy head, thy strength to find,


s: And poking out thy small, long legs behind;


s: And now thy pinions dost thou briskly ply;


s: Preparing now to leave me--farewell, fly!


s: Go, join thy brothers on yon sunny board,


s: There wilt thou meet a mistress, or a wife,


s: That saw thee drunk, drop senseless in the stream.


s: Who gave, perhaps, the wide-resounding scream,


s: And now sits groaning for thy precious life.


s: Yes, go and carry comfort to thy friends,


s: And wisely tell them thy imprudence ends.


s: Let buns and sugar for the future charm;


s: These will delight, and feed, and work no harm


s: While Punch, the grinning, merry imp of sin,


s: Smiles in his face, as though he meant him bliss,


s: Thy tail end came to terminate so bluntly


s: The white man was his choice, but when he fed


s: He'd sometimes entertain his tawny neighbors.


s: He worshipped, as he said, his "Fe-fo-fum,"


s: And missionaries graced his festive board,


s: Solemn and succulent, in twos and dozens,


s: And smoked before their hospitable lord,


s: Welcome as if they'd been his second cousins.


s: When cold, he warmed them as he would his kin--


s: They came as strangers, and he took them in.


s: And generous!--oh, wasn't he? I have known him


s: He'd eat an enemy, and then would own him


s: He had a hundred wives. To make things pleasant


s: They found it quite judicious to adore him;--


s: And when he dined, the nymphs were always present--


s: Sometimes beside him and sometimes--before him.


s: When he was tired of one, he called her "sweet,"


s: And told her she was "good enough to eat."


s: He was a man of taste--and justice, too;


s: He opened his mouth for e'en the humblest sinner,


s: Before they brought him to the royal dinner.


s: With preacher-men he shared his board and wallet


s: We grow like what we eat. Bad food depresses;


s: Good food exalts us like an inspiration,


s: A people who for years, saints, bairns, and women ate


s: Must soon their vilest qualities eliminate.


s: But the deceased could never hold a candle


s: To those prim, pale-faced people of propriety


s: Who gloat o'er gossip and get fat on scandal--


s: They drink the blood of brothers with their rations,


s: And crunch the bones of living reputations.


s: They kill the soul; he only claimed the dwelling.


s: They take the sharpened scalpel of surmises


s: And cleave the sinews when the heart is swelling,


s: And slaughter Fame and Honor for their prizes.


s: They make the spirit in the body quiver;


s: They quench the Light! He only took the--Liver!


s: I've known some hardened customers, I wot,


s: A few tough fellows--pagans beyond question--


s: Although I'm certain they'd defy digestion,


s: And break his jaw, and ruin his esophagus,


s: Were he the chief of beings anthropophagous!


s: How fond he was of children! To his breast


s: The tenderest nurslings gained a free admission.


s: Rank he despised, nor, if they came well dressed,


s: Cared if they were plebeian or patrician.


s: Shade of Leigh Hunt! Oh, guide this laggard pen


s: To write of one who loved his fellow men!


s: For with small-pox 'twas scarr'd across;


s: And the calves of his wicked-looking legs


s: And whenever he emptied his tumbler of punch


s: He'd not rest till he fill'd it full again.


s: The whiskey, frisky, rummy, gummy, brandy, no dandy Irishman!


s: And he broke the skulls of the men of Leith,


s: Dizzying and deafening the ear with its sound.


s: And sprinkling and twinkling and wrinkling,


s: And bubbling and troubling and doubling,


s: And grumbling and rumbling and tumbling,


s: And clattering and battering and shattering;


s: Retreating and beating and meeting and sheeting,


s: Delaying and straying and playing and spraying.


s: Advancing and prancing and glancing and dancing,


s: Recoiling, turmoiling and toiling and boiling,


s: And gleaming and streaming and steaming and beaming,


s: And rushing and flushing and brushing and gushing,


s: And flapping and rapping and clapping and slapping,


s: And curling and whirling and purling and twirling,


s: And thumping and plumping and bumping and jumping,


s: And dashing and flashing and splashing and clashing;


s: And so never ending, but always descending,


s: Sounds and motions forever and ever are blending,


s: All at once and all o'er, with a mighty uproar,--


s: And this way the water comes down at Lodore.


s: Dow cubs add strips the beddow add the lawd,


s: That stirs to sogg add sorrow, yet I trust


s: That still I sigg, but as the liddets sigg--


s: Add dow, farewell to roses add to birds,


s: To larded fields and tigkligg streablets eke;


s: Farewell, by cherished strolliggs od the sward,


s: Greed glades add forest shades, farewell to you;


s: With sorrowing heart I, wretched add forlord,


s: Quoth Echo, very promptly,--"Leave her!"


s: As pure and fair as Heaven can make her,


s: _Shepherd._   Echo, I ween, will in the woods reply,


s: And quaintly answer questions: shall I try?


s: _Shepherd._   What must we do our passion to express?


s: _Shepherd._   How shall I please her, who ne'er loved before?


s: _Shepherd._   What most moves women when we them address?


s: _Echo._                                       A dress.


s: _Shepherd._   Say, what can keep her chaste whom I adore?


s: _Echo._                                       A door.


s: _Shepherd._   If music softens rocks, love tunes my lyre.


s: _Shepherd._   Then teach me, Echo, how shall I come by her?


s: _Echo._                                       Buy her.


s: _Shepherd._   When bought, no question I shall be her dear?


s: _Echo._                                       Her deer.


s: _Shepherd._   But deer have horns: how must I keep her under?


s: _Echo._                                       Keep her under.


s: _Shepherd._   But what can glad me when she's laid on bier?


s: _Shepherd._   What must I do so women will be kind?


s: _Echo._                                       Be kind.


s: _Shepherd._   What must I do when women will be cross?


s: _Echo._                                       Be cross.


s: _Shepherd._   Lord, what is she that can so turn and wind?


s: _Shepherd._   If she be wind, what stills her when she blows?


s: _Shepherd._   But if she bang again, still should I bang her?


s: _Echo._                                       Bang her.


s: _Shepherd._   Is there no way to moderate her anger?


s: _Echo._                                       Hang her.


s: _Shepherd._   Thanks, gentle Echo! right thy answers tell


s: What woman is and how to guard her well.


s: _Echo._                                       Guard her well.


s: But, spite of all these pleasant scenes,


s: But, alas! he sighed for the Zuyder Zee,


s: Or else, when the pain would sharper grow,


s: He'd have blubbered like any old Zeuglodon


s: In a Xanthic Xebec went sailing the main.


s: "In time you'll learn, but now you're wrong!


s: 'Twas whispered in heaven, 'twas muttered in hell,


s: And echo caught faintly the sound as it fell;


s: On the confines of earth 'twas permitted to rest,


s: And the depths of the ocean its presence confessed;


s: 'Twill be found in the sphere when 'tis riven asunder,


s: Be seen in the lightning, and heard in the thunder.


s: 'Twas allotted to man with his earliest breath,


s: It assists at his birth and attends him in death,


s: Presides o'er his happiness, honor, and health,


s: Is the prop of his house and the end of his wealth,


s: In the heaps of the miser is hoarded with care,


s: But is sure to be lost in his prodigal heir.


s: It begins every hope, every wish it must bound,


s: It prays with the hermit, with monarchs is crowned;


s: Without it the soldier, the sailor, may roam,


s: But woe to the wretch who expels it from home.


s: In the whisper of conscience 'tis sure to be found,


s: Nor e'en in the whirlwind of passion is drowned;


s: 'Twill soften the heart, but, though deaf to the ear,


s: It will make it acutely and instantly hear;


s: But, in short, let it rest like a delicate flower;


s: Oh, breathe on it softly, it dies in an hour.


s: I dwells in the Hearth, and I breathes in the Hair;


s: If you searches the Hocean, you'll find that I'm there.


s: The first of all Hangels in Holympus am Hi,


s: Yet I'm banished from 'Eaven, expelled from on 'igh.


s: But, though on this Horb I'm destined to grovel,


s: I'm ne'er seen in an 'Ouse, in an 'Ut, nor an 'Ovel.


s: Not an 'Orse, not an 'Unter e'er bears me, alas!


s: But often I'm found on the top of a Hass.


s: I resides in a Hattic, and loves not to roam,


s: And yet I'm invariably absent from 'Ome.


s: Though 'Ushed in the 'Urricane, of the Hatmosphere part,


s: Only look, and you'll see in the Heye Hi appear;


s: Only 'Ark, and you'll 'Ear me just breathe in the Hear.


s: Though in sex not an 'E, I am (strange paradox)


s: Not a bit of an 'Effer, but partly a Hox.


s: Of Heternity I'm the beginning! and, mark,


s: Though I goes not with Noar, I'm first in the Hark.


s: I'm never in 'Ealth; have with Fysic no power,


s: I dies in a month, but comes back in a Hour.


s: Around from all the neighboring streets,


s: They walked and ate, good folks. What then?


s: They seemed just tallied for each other.


s: Their beer was strong, their wine was port;


s: Their meal was large, their grace was short.


s: For which they claimed their Sunday's due


s: That might decrease their present store;


s: Nor wished, nor cared, nor laughed, nor cried.


s: Whilst I sings _about_ my song _jes so_.


s: The fields were green and the sky was blue,


s: While the fields are so green, and the sky so blue,


s: While the fields were so green, and the sky so blue,


s: He'll make all the Poles come out of their holes,


s: And beat the Russians, and eat the Prussians;


s: For the fields are green, and the sky is blue,


s: And Counsellor Brougham was all in a fume


s: The Russians, he said, they were undone,


s: With a hop, step, and jump, unto London,


s: And from doing it nothing would come but good,


s: Mr. Jeffrey said so, who must certainly know,


s: They all of them knew Mr. Jeffrey's Review,


s: Which with Holy Writ ought to be reckon'd:


s: It was, through thick and thin, to its party true,


s: Its back was buff, and its sides were blue,


s: It served them for law and for gospel too.


s: They could fight, though they could not parlez-vous;


s: But the fields were green, and the sky was blue,


s: While the fields were green, and the sky was blue,


s: A name which you all know by sight very well,


s: But which no one can speak, and no one can spell.


s: They stuck close to Nap with all their might;


s: Behind and before, and by day and by night;


s: But he look'd white, and he look'd blue.


s: The wind and the weather he found, in that hour,


s: Cared nothing for him, nor for all his power;


s: For him who, while Europe crouch'd under his rod,


s: Put his trust in his Fortune, and not in his God.


s: Worse and worse every day the elements grew,


s: The fields were so white and the sky was so blue,


s: To fight all day, and to freeze all night;


s: And he was besides in a very great fright,


s: When the fields were so white, and the sky so blue,


s: 'Tis myself, quoth he, I must mind most;


s: And a place there is to be kept in view,


s: Where the fire is red, and the brimstone blue,


s: He won't leave him there alone with his glory;


s: But there he must stay for a very long day,


s: For from thence there is no stealing away,


s: Led our thoughts through Learning's ways,


s: When rang through Athens' vine-hung lanes


s: Here lieth one, who did most truly prove


s: That he could never die while he could move;


s: While he might still jog on and keep his trot;


s: Time numbers motion, yet (without a crime


s: 'Gainst old truth) motion number'd out his time


s: And like an engine moved with wheel and weight,


s: His principles being ceased, he ended straight.


s: Rest, that gives all men life, gave him his death,


s: And too much breathing put him out of breath;


s: Merely to drive the time away he sicken'd,


s: Fainted, and died, nor would with ale be quicken'd;


s: "Nay," quoth he, on his swooning bed outstretch'd,


s: "If I mayn't carry, sure I'll ne'er be fetch'd,


s: But vow, though the cross doctors all stood hearers,


s: For one carrier put down to make six bearers."


s: Ease was his chief disease; and to judge right,


s: He died for heaviness that his cart went light:


s: His leisure told him that his time was come.


s: And lack of load made his life burdensome.


s: That even to his last breath (there be that say't),


s: As he were press'd to death, he cried, "More weight;"


s: But, had his doings lasted as they were,


s: Link'd to the mutual flowing of the seas,


s: Yet (strange to think) his wane was his increase:


s: His letters are deliver'd all, and gone,


s: O for a vale which at mid-day the dew cumbers!


s: With nothing but zeroes all ranged in a row!


s: To measure this moisture that rolls from my brow!


s: O that this cold world were twenty times colder!


s: (That's irony red-hot it seemeth to me);


s: O for a turn of its dreaded cold shoulder!


s: O for a grotto frost-lined and rill-riven,


s: Scooped in the rock under cataract vast!


s: From every hot lamp-post against the hot sky!


s: O for proud maiden to look on me coldly,


s: Freezing my soul with a glance of her eye!


s: Then O for a draught from a cup of cold pizen,


s: And O for a resting-place in the cold grave!


s: With a bath in the Styx where the thick shadow lies on


s: And deepens the chill of its dark-running wave.


s: But thirteen lines!--and rhymed on two!--


s: Still there are five lines--ranged aright.


s: These Gallic bonds, I feared, would fright


s: That makes them eight.--The port's in sight;


s: Pursue the triumph and partake the gale!


s: Drop tears as fast as the Arabian trees,


s: Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears,


s: Like angels' visits, few and far between,


s: The tenth transmitter of a foolish face,


s: Like Aaron's serpent, swallows up the rest,


s: And makes a sunshine in the shady place.


s: For man the hermit sigh'd, till woman smiled,


s: But fools rush in where angels fear to tread


s: Where's the minstrel boy? I've found him


s: Through cloudless climes and starry skies!


s: 'Tis Greece, but living Greece no more--


s: Thy shapeless, baseless, placeless emptiness?


s: Nor form, nor colour, sound, nor size is thine,


s: Nor words nor fingers can thy voice express;


s: But though we cannot thee to aught compare,


s: A thousand things to thee may likened be,


s: And though thou art with nobody nowhere,


s: Yet half mankind devote themselves to thee.


s: What labouring hands thy portion only gain;


s: To thee the great, the proud, the giddy bend,


s: And--like my sonnet--all in nothing end.


s: "True 'tis P T, and P T 'tis, 'tis true."


s: Poor wight! till black in' the face he raved,


s: As plump as a partridge--as poor as a rat;


s: As plain as a pike-staff--as rough as a bear;


s: As heavy as lead--as light as a feather;


s: As steady as time--uncertain as weather;


s: As slow as the tortoise--as swift as the wind;


s: As true as the Gospel--as false as mankind;


s: As proud as a peacock--as blithe as a grig;


s: As stiff as a poker--as limp as a glove;


s: As cool as a cucumber--as warm as a toast;


s: As flat as a flounder--as round as a ball;


s: As blunt as a hammer--as sharp as an awl;


s: As red as a ferret--as safe as the stocks;


s: As straight as an arrow--as crook'd as a bow;


s: As yellow as saffron--as black as a sloe;


s: As brittle as glass--as tough as gristle;


s: As neat as my nail--as clean as a whistle;


s: As light as is day--as dark as is pitch;


s: No dawn--no dusk--no proper time of day--


s: No road--no street--no "t'other side the way"--


s: No park--no ring--no afternoon gentility--


s: No warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease,


s: No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees,


s: No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds, November!


s: "Come, girl," said he, "hold up your head,


s: There's some have specs to help their sight


s: "Why, then," said she, "you've lost the feet


s: And they buried Ben in four cross-roads,


s: "Don't fear my ghost will walk o' nights


s: Inclined for some sport with the carnal,


s: His joints at each stir made a crack, and the cur


s: And what did he do with his deadly darts,


s: He dabbled and spilled man's blood, and he killed


s: The first he slaughtered it made him laugh


s: To think how the mutes, and men in black suits,


s: Death saw two Quakers sitting at church;


s: And he let them alone, like figures of stone,


s: And he shot one through at once--for he knew


s: Said Death, "He may keep his breath, for his sleep


s: But he let him stray on his tedious way,


s: But he knew that sort of man would extort,


s: For Death, who strikes whenever he likes,


s: Death saw a patient that pulled out his purse,


s: But he let them be--for he knew that the "fee"


s: For on water he scarcely had cared for death,


s: I saw a well full of men's tears that weep


s: I saw a house as high as the moon and higher


s: I saw the man who saw this wondrous sight.


s: I saw two buttons telling of their dreams


s: I saw my friends who wished I'd quit these themes.


s: Men once were surnamed for their shape or estate


s: There was Louis the bulky, and Henry the Great,


s: But now, when the doorplates of misters and dames


s: From the owner's trade, figure, and calling, surnames


s: Mr. Wise is a dunce, Mr. King is a whig,


s: At Bath, where the feeble go more than the stout


s: Over poor Mr. Lightfoot, confined with the gout,


s: Miss Joy, wretched maid, when she chose Mr. Love,


s: She now holds in wedlock, as true as a dove,


s: Mr. Oldcastle dwells in a modern-built hut;


s: Of all the queer bachelors Cupid e'er cut,


s: Mr. Child, in a passion, knock'd down Mr. Rock;


s: Miss Pool used to dance, but she stands like a stock


s: Mr. Swift hobbles onward, no mortal knows how,


s: He moves as though cords had entwined him;


s: Mr. Barker's as mute as a fish in the sea,


s: Mr. Gotobed sits up till half after three,


s: Mr. Gardener can't tell a flower from a root,


s: Mr. Ryder performs all his journeys on foot,


s: Mr. Penny, whose father was rolling in wealth,


s: Large Mr. Le Fever's the picture of health;


s: Mr. Cruikshank stept into three thousand a year


s: Now I hope you'll acknowledge I've made it quite clear


s: A little saint best fits a little shrine,


s: As my small cruse best fits my little wine.


s: As my small jar best fits my little oil.


s: As my small stuff best fits my little shed.


s: A little hearth best fits a little fire,


s: As my small bell best fits my little spire.


s: A little stream best fits a little boat,


s: As my small pipe best fits my little note.


s: As sweetly, lady, give me leave to tell ye,


s: This little pipkin fits this little jelly.


s: Marry, I lent my gossip my mare, to fetch home coals,


s: And he her drownéd into the quarry holes;


s: And I ran to the Consistory, for to 'plain,


s: And there I happened among a greedy meine.


s: They gave me first a thing they call Citandum;


s: Within eight days, I got but Libellandum;


s: And then I got--how call ye it?--Ad replicandum.


s: But I could never one word yet understand them;


s: And then, they caused me cast out many placks,


s: And made me pay for four-and-twenty acts.


s: But, ere they came half gait to Concludendum,


s: The fiend one plack was left for to defend him.


s: Thus they postponed me two years, with their train,


s: Then, hodie ad octo, bade me come again,


s: And then, these rooks, they roupit wonder fast,


s: For sentence silver, they criéd at the last.


s: Of Pronunciandum they made me wonder fain;


s: But I got never my good grey mare again.


s: 'Twas, _Monsieur, je vous n'entends pas_.


s: "I say, whose house is that there here?"


s: "House! _Je vous n'entends pas, Monsieur._"


s: John saw Versailles from Marli's height,


s: "State! _Je vous n'entends pas, Monsieur._"


s: "Ventch! _Je vous n'entends pas, Monsieur._"


s: "But hold! whose funeral's that?" cries John.


s: "_Je vous n'entends pas._"--"What! is he gone?


s: I said, "This horse, sir, will you shoe?"


s: I said, "This stick, sir, will you break?"


s: I said, "This coat, sir, will you make?"


s: I have a copper penny and another copper penny,


s: Well, then, of course, I have two copper pence;


s: I have a cousin Jenny and another cousin Jenny,


s: Well, pray, then, do I have two cousin Jence?


s: What is earth, sexton?--A place to dig graves;


s: What is earth, rich men?--A place to work slaves,


s: What is earth, grey-beard?--A place to grow old;


s: What is earth, miser?--A place to dig gold;


s: What is earth, school-boy?--A place for my play;


s: What is earth, maiden?--A place to be gay;


s: What is earth, seamstress?--A place where I weep;


s: What is earth, sluggard?--A good place to sleep;


s: What is earth, soldier?--A place for a battle;


s: What is earth, herdsman?--A place to raise cattle;


s: What is earth, widow?--A place of true sorrow;


s: What is earth, tradesman?--I'll tell you to-morrow;


s: What is earth, sick man?--'Tis nothing to me;


s: What is earth, sailor?--My home is the sea;


s: What is earth, statesman?--A place to win fame;


s: What is earth, author?--I'll write there my name;


s: What is earth, monarch?--For my realm 'tis given;


s: What is earth, Christian?--The gateway of heaven.


s: And for sight of you, both my eyes ache as they ne'er before oak.


s: And gladness to me it doth bring, such as never voice brung.


s: And my love I hasten to plight--the first that I plote.


s: And ever on you do I muse, as never man mose.


s: And no person living has sighed, as, darling, I've sode.


s: And surely no other could pine as I lately have pone.


s: I would chase all the cares that beset, if they ever besot.


s: And for me you never should grieve, as for you I have grove.


s: And we'd make the most elegant match as ever was maught.


s: Sally Salter, she was a young lady who taught,


s: And her friend Charley Church was a preacher who praught!


s: Though his enemies called him a screecher who scraught.


s: His heart when he saw her kept sinking and sunk,


s: And his eye, meeting hers, began winking and wunk;


s: While she in her turn fell to thinking, and thunk.


s: He hastened to woo her, and sweetly he wooed,


s: For his love grew until to a mountain it grewed,


s: And what he was longing to do then he doed.


s: In secret he wanted to speak, and he spoke,


s: To seek with his lips what his heart long had soke;


s: So he managed to let the truth leak, and it loke.


s: He asked her to ride to the church, and they rode,


s: They so sweetly did glide, that they both thought they glode,


s: And they came to the place to be tied, and were tode.


s: Then, "homeward" he said, "let us drive" and they drove,


s: And soon as they wished to arrive, they arrove;


s: For whatever he couldn't contrive she controve.


s: The kiss he was dying to steal, then he stole:


s: At the feet where he wanted to kneel, then he knole,


s: And said, "I feel better than ever I fole."


s: So they to each other kept clinging, and clung;


s: While time his swift circuit was winging, and wung;


s: And this was the thing he was bringing, and brung:


s: The man Sally wanted to catch, and had caught--


s: That she wanted from others to snatch, and had snaught--


s: Was the one that she now liked to scratch and she scraught.


s: And Charley's warm love began freezing and froze,


s: While he took to teasing, and cruelly toze


s: The girl he had wished to be squeezing and squoze.


s: "Wretch!" he cried, when she threatened to leave him, and left,


s: "How could you deceive me, as you have deceft?"


s: And she answered, "I promised to cleave, and I've cleft!"


s: Deal devastation's dire destructive doom;


s: For fame, for freedom, fight, fierce furious fray.


s: Gen'rals 'gainst gen'rals grapple,--gracious God!


s: Kinsmen kill kinsmen, kindred kindred kill.


s: Labour low levels longest, loftiest lines;


s: Men march 'midst mounds, motes, mountains, murd'rous mines.


s: Now noisy, noxious numbers notice nought,


s: Poor patriots perish, persecution's pest!


s: Quite quiet Quakers "Quarter, quarter," quest;


s: Reason returns, religion, right, redounds,


s: Truce to thee, Turkey, terror to thy train!


s: Vanish vile vengeance, vanish victory vain!


s: Why wish we warfare? wherefore welcome won


s: Yield, ye young Yaghier yeomen, yield your yell!


s: Again attract; arts against arms appeal.


s: And it's G-L-O-R-Y to know that I'm S-A-V-E-D.


s: Once I was B-O-U-N-D by the chains of S-I-N


s: And it's L-U-C-K-Y I am that all is well again.


s: Oh, the bells of Hell go ting-a-ling-a-ling


s: The bells of Heaven go sing-a-ling-a-ling


s: Oh, Death, where is thy sting-a-ling-a-ling


s: No Ting-a-ling-a-ling, no sting-a-ling-a-ling


s: What a figure she'd make, if I'd let her,


s: They're gone--and though the leaves are "cut"


s: My "Hall" and "Hill" were levelled flat,


s: And then, although I threw them "Sprat,"


s: They snatched my "Hogg" and "Fox" one night,


s: For though I caught them stealing "Swift,"


s: My "Hoyle" with "Cotton" went; oppressed,


s: They took my "Horne"--and "Horne Tooke" too,


s: My word's worth little, "Wordsworth" gone,


s: I have found out a gig-gig-gift for my fuf-fuf-fair,


s: I have found where the rattlesnakes bub-bub-breed;


s: Will you co-co-come, and I'll show you the bub-bub-bear,


s: And the lions and tit-tit-tigers at fuf-fuf-feed.


s: Makes mum-mum-melody through the sweet vale;


s: Where the mum-monkeys gig-gig-grin all the day long,


s: Or gracefully swing by the tit-tit-tit-tail.


s: You shall pip-play, dear, some did-did-delicate joke


s: With the bub-bub-bear on the tit-tit-top of his pip-pip-pip-pole;


s: You shall see the huge elephant pip-pip-play,


s: You shall gig-gig-gaze on the stit-stit-stately raccoon;


s: And then, did-did-dear, together we'll stray


s: To the cage of the bub-bub-blue-faced bab-bab-boon.


s: And I lul-lul-loved you the m-m-more for the wish)


s: To witness the bub-bub-beautiful pip-pip-pelican


s: swallow the l-l-live little fuf-fuf-fish!


s: Even is come; and from the dark Park, hark,


s: And six is sounding from the chime, prime time


s: To go and see the Drury-Lane, Dane slain,--


s: Or hear Othello's jealous doubt spout out,--


s: Or Macbeth raving at that shade-made blade,


s: Denying to his frantic clutch much touch;--


s: Or else to see Ducrow with wide stride ride


s: Laughing at Liston, while you quiz his phiz.


s: Anon Night comes, and with her wings brings things


s: Such as, with his poetic tongue, Young sung;


s: The gas up-blazes with its bright white light,


s: And paralytic watchmen prowl, howl, growl,


s: About the streets and take up Pall-Mall Sal,


s: Who, hasting to her nightly jobs, robs fobs.


s: Now thieves to enter for your cash, smash, crash,


s: Past drowsy Charley, in a deep sleep, creep,


s: And while they're going, whisper low, "No go!"


s: Now puss, while folks are in their beds, treads leads.


s: And sleepers waking, grumble--"Drat that cat!"


s: Who in the gutter caterwauls, squalls, mauls


s: Some feline foe, and screams in shrill ill-will.


s: Now Bulls of Bashan, of a prize size, rise


s: In childish dreams, and with a roar gore poor


s: Georgy, or Charley, or Billy, willy-nilly;--


s: But Nursemaid, in a nightmare rest, chest-pressed,


s: Dreameth of one of her old flames, James Games,


s: And that she hears--what faith is man's!--Ann's banns


s: And his, from Reverend Mr. Rice, twice, thrice:


s: White ribbons flourish, and a stout shout out,


s: That upward goes, shows Rose knows those bows' woes!


s: Thine eyes, dear one, dot dot, are like, dash, what?


s: They, pure as sacred oils, bless and anoint


s: My sin-swamped soul which at thy feet sobs out,


s: Ah, had I words, blank blank, which, dot, I've not,


s: I'd swoon in songs which should'st illume the dark


s: With light of thee. Ah, God (it's _strong_ to swear)


s: Why, why, interrogation mark, why, mark?


s: Dot dot dot dot. And so, dash, yet, but nay!


s: My tongue takes pause; some words must not be said,


s: For fear the world, cold hyphen-eyed, austere,


s: Should'st shake thee by the throat till reason fled.


s: One hour of love we've had. Dost thou recall


s: The night was ours, blue heaven over all


s: Dash, God! dot stars, keep thou our secret dark!


s: And we climb the cold summits once built on


s: Then we drop from the heights atmospheric


s: Or we pour the Greek honey, grown blander,


s: Or we toss the light bells of the mocker


s: Oh, the song where not one of the Graces


s: Where we woo the sweet Muses not starchly


s: It will last till men weary of laughter ...


s: Transcribe, set forth, compose, address,


s: No true son of Erin will leave his potato


s: To list to the love-lore of Ovid or Plato.


s: Will ne'er find a rest 'neath collegiate dome or


s: Much longer from pleasure's light errands--


s: The irreverent now may all scoff in ease


s: The class-room hereafter will miss a row


s: The 'longshoreman--yes, and the dock-rat, he's


s: In our classical pabulum mix we've no wee sop


s: Our balance of intellect asks for no ballast


s: With feminine scorn no fair Vassar-bred lass at us


s: Shall smile if we own that we cannot read Tacitus.


s: No admirer shall ever now weathe with begonias


s: Besides, it would just be considered facetious


s: My little dears, who learn to read, pray early, learn to shun


s: That very silly thing indeed which people call a pun;


s: Read Entick's rules, and 'twill be found how simple an offence


s: It is to make the selfsame sound afford a double sense.


s: For instance, ale may make you ail, your aunt an ant may kill,


s: You in a vale may buy a veil and Bill may pay the bill.


s: Or if to France your bark you steer, at Dover it may be


s: A peer appears upon the pier, who blind, still goes to sea.


s: Thus one ripe fruit may be a pear, and yet be pared again,


s: And still be one, which seemeth rare until we do explain.


s: It therefore should be all your aim to speak with ample care,


s: For who, however fond of game, would choose to swallow hair?


s: A fat man's gait may make us smile, who have no gate to close;


s: The farmer sitting on his stile no stylish person knows.


s: Perfumers men of scents must be; some Scilly men are bright;


s: A brown man oft deep read we see, a black a wicked wight.


s: Most wealthy men good manors have, however vulgar they;


s: And actors still the harder slave the oftener they play;


s: So poets can't the baize obtain, unless their tailors choose;


s: The dyer, who by dyeing lives, a dire life maintains;


s: The glazier, it is known, receives his profits for his panes;


s: Then now you see, my little dears, the way to make a pun;


s: A trick which you, through coming years, should sedulously shun;


s: The fault admits of no defence; for wheresoe'er 'tis found,


s: You sacrifice for sound the sense; the sense is never sound.


s: So let your words and actions too, one single meaning prove,


s: And, just in all you say or do, you'll gain esteem and love;


s: In mirth and play no harm you'll know when duty's task is done,


s: But parents ne'er should let you go unpunished for a pun!


s: An Austrian Archduke, assaulted and assailed,


s: Broke Belgium's barriers, by Britain bewailed,


s: Causing consternation, confused chaotic crises;


s: Diffusing destructive, death dealing devices.


s: England engaged earnestly, eager every ear,


s: France fought furiously, forsaking foolish fear,


s: Great German garrisons grappled Gallic guard,


s: Hohenzollern Hussars hammered, heavy, hard.


s: Infantry, Imperial, Indian, Irish, intermingling,


s: Jackets jaunty, joking, jesting, jostling, jingling.


s: Kinetic, Kruppised Kaiser, kingdom's killing knight,


s: Laid Louvain lamenting, London lacking light,


s: Mobilising millions, marvellous mobility,


s: Numberless nonentities, numerous nobility.


s: Oligarchies olden opposed olive offering,


s: Prussia pressed Paris, Polish protection proffering,


s: Quaint Quebec quickly quartered quotidian quota,


s: Renascent Russia, resonant, reported regal rota.


s: Scotch soldiers, sterling, songs stalwart sung,


s: "Tipperary" thundered through titanic tongue.


s: United States urging unarmament, unwanted,


s: Visualised victory vociferously vaunted,


s: Wilson's warnings wasted, world war wild,


s: Xenian Nanthochroi Nantippically X-iled.


s: Yorkshire's young yeomen yelling youthfully,


s: Where the far-winding Skoodoowabskooksis


s: Ah, sweetest of haunts! though unmentioned


s: You shall sleep to the music of leaflets,


s: Your food shall be fish from the waters,


s: You shall quaff the most sparkling of waters,


s: And we'll talk of the Skoodoowabskooksis,


s: There's none like the Skoodoowabskooksis,


s: First to the left, and then t'other way;


s: And _cat_aclysms fill her comrades' eyes;


s: Borne on the air, the _cat_acoustic song


s: Swells with her virtues' _cat_alogue along,


s: No _cat_aplasm could lengthen out her years,


s: Though mourning friends shed _cat_aracts of tears.


s: Once loud and strong her _cat_echist-like voice


s: It dwindled to a _cat_call's squeaking noise;


s: By _cat_enation join'd each one to one;--


s: But a vile _cat_chpoll dog, with cruel bite,


s: Like _cat_ling's cut, her strength disabled quite;


s: Her _cat_erwauling pierced the heavy air,


s: As _cat_aphracts their arms through legions bear;


s: Their lengths, like _cat_tle after busy day,


s: She ling'ring died, nor left in kit _kat_ the


s: Come! fill a fresh bumper,--for why should we go


s: While the {nectar} still reddens our cups as they flow?


s: Pour out the {rich juices} still bright with the sun,


s: Till o'er the brimmed crystal the {rubies} shall run.


s: The {purple-globed clusters} their life-dews have bled;


s: How sweet is the {breath} of the {fragrance they shed}!


s: For Summer's {last roses} lie hid in the {wines}


s: That were garnered by {maidens who laughed through the vines},


s: scowl           howl          scoff          sneer


s: Then a {smile}, and a {glass}, and a {toast}, and a {cheer},


s: strychnine and whiskey, and ratsbane and beer


s: For {all the good wine, and we've some of it here}!


s: In cellar, in pantry, in attic, in hall,


s: Down, down with the tyrant that masters us all!


s: {Long live the gay servant that laughs for us all!}


s: _And May herself, with a dimple and curl_


s: But alas! they sighed, and alack! they cried,


s: Amos said, "What's the sense in rhythm--


s: Feet and lines?" He had finished with 'em!


s: They peered at the poem with scowly faces,


s: And yawned and stumbled and lost their places.


s: Then--a breeze romped by, and a bluebird sang,


s: And they shut the book with a snap and a bang;


s: And "Where shall we go?" said Amos. "Oh,


s: Then all at once, round the curve of a hill,


s: They pulled up panting and stood stock-still;


s: For there, by the edge of a ripplety brook,


s: Sat a long-legged youth, with a staff and a book


s: His cap and his trousers were dusty green


s: And he whittled away on sweet white wood,


s: He whittled away 'twixt a laugh and a tune,


s: "And what are you making?" asked Amos and Ann.


s: He finished one with a notch and a slit,


s: The whistle sang like a bird when he blew,


s: "And where are you going," he said, "you two?


s: "But make us a whistle like yours," they said,


s: "I'll make you a whistle apiece," quoth he,


s: And then they looked at the long-legged man,


s: They said (and their voices were meek and low),


s: "You did?" cried the fellow in green and brown.


s: He took up his book and shouldered his staff,


s: I'll make you some whistles along the way,


s: While you are remembering rhymes to say;


s: "Our names," said the children, "are Amos and Ann;


s: Then they went away with the young-faced man,


s: With odd little collopy, scallopy streets


s: The home of the years and the hours was there,


s: Of the minutes, the months, and the days--


s: Houses with windows that winked and smiled,


s: And leaves and apples and chestnuts brown


s: Came pattering down, came clattering down,


s: And stairways wound to the top of a hill


s: That a person could climb if he had the will--


s: That a person could climb, then start at the top,


s: Go zip! to the bottom with never a stop.


s: "_Whoopee!_" cried Amos--and off and away,


s: Came bumpeting down and thumpeting down.


s: Then, "Come, you two," said the Journeying Man,


s: We'll visit the months this time, if we can.


s: Clocks with alarms and eight-day clocks,


s: Little gilt clocks and clocks with chimes,


s: And all of them keeping different times.


s: Evening or morning, with never a warning,


s: And you _may_ be talking your everyday talk,


s: Quick as a flash you must stop, and dash


s: "What kind of a rhyme?" gasped Amos and Ann.


s: "Any kind at all," said the Journeying Man,


s: "But it must begin with the very two sounds,


s: _The last few sounds that were on your tongue_


s: The trim young master was dressed in fur


s: A red-cheeked, rollicking, frolicking chap,


s: "What kind of things?" Amos wanted to know.


s: "Miss New Year, miss New Year--" Then all at once, to her intense


s: "Miss New Year dressed herself in white,


s: 'Come, come,' she cried, 'the sun's outside,


s: "'Now that's the truth,' said Willie Green,


s: "But, 'Earth's so poky,' still he mused;


s: "'Stars fall, sometimes,' quoth Johnny Brown,


s: "Yes," said January, firmly. "Always the al--"


s: They work in groups, they work in pairs,


s: She blew them a kiss through the window wide,


s: "One day last year, with hems and haws and sidelong steps and


s: "The crows went flapping off with glee. They said, 'Our woodland


s: "The valentines came hurrying down, came scurrying down, came


s: "'What's this, my dear, amiss, my dear?' cried Father Owl.


s: "Excitement reigned among those owls; but, being such nocturnal


s: fowls, they could not read the valentines at all in broad


s: daylight. They blinked a bit and winked a bit, but found them not


s: "Just after dusk a thing occurred, unfortunate for every bird: a


s: "The poor owls cried, 'Alackaday, we shan't know whom to thank!'


s: "Oh, well, it surely seemed a shame, but no one really was to


s: A big clock began to boom somewhere near.


s: "It fronts the clean white nursery wall,


s: "And stood and stared, and could not see


s: The March house, strangely, was built in a tree,


s: And strong, straight boughs for the walls of the house,


s: And flew great kites when the weather was fair,


s: Mighty switchy and sweet, and all that--


s: "There's not a single solitary clock at this place, anyway," Amos


s: "We never heard of Tom Tuttle," said little Ann.


s: "So little and so very late! And when the teacher said


s: That he must take his punishment, he merely hung his head.


s: "She'd ask him all the hardest things in all the hardest books;


s: And queerly he would answer her, with absent-minded looks.


s: "'How many yards make twenty rods?' And Tommy said, 'Oh, dear,


s: "'How many perches make a mile? Now think before you speak.'


s: "'What grows in southern Hindustan?' Said Tom, 'I do not know;


s: But I can take you to a tree where blackheart cherries grow.'


s: "'Name Christopher Columbus's boats.' 'I can't remember, quite;


s: But mine, that lies below the falls, is named the Water Sprite.'


s: "'Now what is "whistle"--noun or verb?' 'I do not know indeed;


s: But just the other day I made a whistle from a reed.'


s: "Then all the little listening boys would wiggle in their places,


s: And the rabbits rush from the underbrush,


s: And whenever a hare feels a flake on his ear,


s: And welcomed the three with a tee-hee-hee--


s: "Have you heard the latest news? [asked the Fool]


s: "April Fool!" cried Amos. He felt sure that was coming.


s: "Young Peter Puck and his brothers wrote


s: It said, 'If you'll meet us by Ripply Pond,


s: Wonders we'll show with our magic wand.'


s: 'What shall we do?' said the forest-folk.


s: But they went, good souls, and they only found


s: A bare, bare bush and the green, green ground.


s: 'But watch,' said the fairies, 'and you shall see


s: "The rabbits and squirrels felt aggrieved;


s: They thought that surely they'd been deceived.


s: But Peter Puck, at the head of the band,


s: Called, 'Come, come, Kitty!' and waved his hand.


s: Smooth, round kittens, quite calm and fat;


s: And the fairies danced, and the glad wood-folk


s: Cried, 'Oh, what a beautiful, beautiful joke!'"


s: Were made with green frog-blanket spreads


s: Or oak trees locked their trunks to hide


s: If lightning-bugs should swiftly strike,


s: "It's your turn to ask a riddle, you know," he reminded her.


s: And after that naturally there was nothing more to be said.


s: A green-thatched cottage was May's sweet home


s: And a clambering vine in the gay sunshine,


s: And May herself, with a dimple and curl,


s: May smiled at Amos and Ann. "How did you know?" she asked J. M.


s: "Professor Bear should speak, they planned,


s: The woolliest lamb, all curled and frilled,


s: "Then, tripping light and skipping light


s: 'Oh, welcome, welcome home!' they cried;


s: She curtsied low, 'Just think,' she said,


s: "Miss Butterfly sent word one day to all the garden people


s: That she would give a social tea beneath the hollyhock.


s: A robin read the message from a slender pine-tree steeple--


s: A note that begged them sweetly to be there by six o'clock.


s: And portly Mr. Bumblebee and cheerful Mr. Cricket,


s: And tiny Mrs. Ladybug in polka-dot array.


s: "The table was a toadstool with a spider-woven cover;


s: A mockingbird within the hedge sang loudly for their revel;


s: A lily swayed above them, slow, to keep the moths away;


s: So they laughed and buzzed and chattered till the shadows


s: And Miss Katydid said sadly that she must no longer stay.


s: Then all arose and shook their wings, and curtsied, every one,


s: 'Good-night, good-bye, Miss Butterfly, we never had such fun.'"


s: Little Ann looked wistful when she heard all the butterfly tale.


s: "I do wish I might go to a party like that," she said.


s: "I wish, when summer's drawing near about the end of May,


s: "'How far from Huckleberry Hill to Sandy-Bottom Creek?


s: How many cherries at a time can a boy hold in his cheek?


s: "'Suppose three fish were in a pond, three fishers close at hand,


s: "'What is the shortest cut to where the buttercups are yellow?


s: How many fortnights does it take to turn May apples mellow?


s: "'Two pickers in a berry patch--when they had picked all day,


s: How many quarts, inside and out, would those two take away?


s: "And then I wish the teacher'd say, 'Well, if you can't remember,


s: It was so cool and delightful at the June house that at first the


s: "No clocks here, anyway!" she exclaimed.


s: Amos and Ann were filled with curiosity. They wanted to know what


s: She was always sowing the queerest seed,


s: "And here are some of the crops, my child


s: And now you'll see how she earned her name,


s: Were the crops hauled off in a farmer's cart?


s: But in little June-buggies and automobeetles


s: His beard was long and his hair was white,


s: As he told them things that old, old men


s: "My sakes alive, Ann!" cried Amos, a good deal embarrassed.


s: They did their chores and swam and fished,


s: While all the time they wished and wished


s: They peered through every glimmering crack,


s: "I can tell you this," the old man said:--


s: With tassels tossed, and burnished brass,


s: "Sometimes it sounds for turning wheels,--


s: Such sociable, smiling, friendly beasts!


s: "Did they go to school?" the children repeated.


s: The Journeying Man shook his head and made answer:--


s: "The birds and beasts don't go to school;


s: "I taught them, to be sure," said a hoarse voice overhead.


s: "'What ails you?' asked a brother trout.


s: "Now, Ann," said J. M., "give us a poem about your cat."


s: "There's the snow-white cat, the pearl-gray cat,


s: Is the jet-black chap with one white spot--


s: "_Train?_" Amos repeated, his eyes round with curiosity.


s: And the little path that led from the road


s: They saw a young woman with pen in hand,


s: "Multiplication tables set, I suppose?" said J. M.


s: "Certainly," the teacher answered. "And the tables of weights and


s: When flowers are rare, with here and there


s: There's something tells you just as plain,


s: "I almost thought we were an hour late for school," Ann said.


s: "When we travel back in summer to the old house by the sea,


s: Where long ago my mother lived, a little girl like me,


s: I have the strangest notion that she still is waiting there,


s: A small child in a pinafore with ribbon on her hair.


s: I hear her in the garden when I go to pick a rose;


s: She follows me along the path on dancing tipsy-toes;


s: I hear her in the hayloft when the hay is slippery-sweet--


s: A rustle and a scurry and a sound of scampering feet;


s: Yet though I sit as still as still, she never comes to me,


s: The funny little laughing girl my mother used to be.


s: "Sometimes I nearly catch her as she dodges here and there,


s: Her white dress flutters round a tree and flashes up a stair;


s: Sometimes I almost put my hand upon her apron strings--


s: Then, just before my fingers close, she's gone again like wings.


s: A sudden laugh, a scrap of song, a footfall on the lawn,


s: And yet, no matter how I run, forever up and gone!


s: A fairy or a firefly could hardly flit so fast.


s: When we come home in summer, I have given up at last.


s: I lay my cheek on mother's. If there's only one for me,


s: I'd rather have her, anyway, than the girl she used to be!"


s: "That's pretty good," said Amos critically. "I like--"


s: The front gate creaks the same old creak,


s: A wide brown wood with leaves for a floor,


s: The little creatures that lived in there--


s: "It's the sound a watch makes when you shut it," Ann said.


s: "Maybe they have watches here instead of clocks," remarked Amos.


s: "It's the honest truth," said the Brownie. "Listen.


s: In holes and caves, and where they please.


s: "They have no clothes to guard with care,


s: "Suppose this year at Hallowe'en, without a bit of warning,


s: The roly-poly pumpkin heads we cut and carved that morning


s: Should grow slim bodies, legs, and feet,


s: Come skipping 'mongst us, pert and fleet,


s: Suppose that you and I had just completed one that minute,


s: As day grew late, down by the gate, and set a candle in it,


s: Suppose we ran with twinkling heels and met a throng advancing,


s: The next house stood just back from the street,


s: The little old lady stood at the door and waited.


s: "We might help her out if there's time," J. M. said suddenly.


s: Two minutes later they were seated round the table.


s: "It's like Thanksgiving," Ann said in delight.


s: "I'm glad that things are different now--


s: "Suppose you lived in a gingerbread house,


s: And sugar shutters, and peppermint pipes,


s: In a land where weather could do no harm,


s: And a little garden where gumdrops grew,


s: There were bulgy stockings ranged in a row,


s: And some Christmas children came out and cried,


s: "It was crammed and laden and bent with fruit,


s: A quiver flickered the pop-corn strings,


s: And a white-rag rabbit that hung close by


s: "The large French doll (she was very vain)


s: And hither and thither the boughs among,


s: It's generally known that things like these


s: Hurried and scurried the whole day through,


s: "And the little girl came to the window,


s: She cried, 'I dreamed of a Christmas tree,


s: "No, in your own home," replied J. M. "Come along, Amos and Ann!"


s: "Who show these different traits and tricks


s: "And jump out of your skins," said J. M.


s: "Oh, how late it is!" they cried. "Take us home, J. M.!"


s: It surely was late when they started home,


s: And through the meadows and over the hills,


s: And talking in verse the live-long time,


s: (For they'd got in the habit and couldn't stop,)


s: They traveled the scallopy road of Rhyme,


s: They traveled on till they came in sight


s: Then J. M. stopped and held up his stick.


s: "Yonder's your house," he said. "Be quick!


s: Then he started to count--and away at last


s: And just as they touched the latch of the gate,


s: They picked it up as they fled through the door


s: (Just as the voice called, "Twenty-four!").


s: They stared at the poem and hung their heads--


s: They said to each other, "It seems sometimes


s: There really is lots of good in rhymes."


s: To study them more," said wise little Ann.


s: They fled upstairs like swift little hares,


s: With numberless tunes and rhythms and runes


s: And they dreamed all night of a scallopy road


s: And talked in their sleep--and every word


s: WAKE! for the sun has driven in equal flight


s: The stars before him from the Tee of Night,


s: And holed them every one without a Miss,


s: Swinging at ease his gold-shod Shaft of Light.


s: WAKE, Loiterer! for already Dawn is seen


s: With her red marker on the eastern Green,


s: And summons all her Little Ones to change


s: AND as the Cock crew, those who stood before


s: The first Tee murmur'd: "Just this chance to score,


s: You know how little while we have to play,


s: And, once departed, may return no more."


s: NOW the fresh Year, reviving old Desires,


s: The thoughtful Soul to Solitude retires,


s: Pores on this Club and That with anxious eye,


s: And dreams of Rounds beyond the Rounds of Liars.


s: CAMPBELL indeed is past with all his Fame,


s: And many a Willie rules us, just the same.


s: A THOUSAND lips are lockt; but still in hoar


s: High-balling Andrew's Shrine, with "Fore, fore, fore!


s: Oh, fore!" the Golfer to the Duffer cries,


s: That reddened cheek of his to redden more.


s: COME, choose your Ball, and in the fire of Spring


s: Your Red Coat, and your wooden Putter fling;


s: To waggle, and the Club is on the swing.


s: Whether the Cup be filled with Scotch or Bock.


s: EACH Morn a thousand Matches brings, you say;


s: Yes, but who plays the Match of Yesterday?


s: And this first Summer month of opening Greens


s: Shall take this Championship and That away.


s: WELL, let it take them! What have we to do


s: With Championships, or, Champion, with you?


s: For him alone the Strife--for him to rue.


s: That just divides the Desert from the sown,


s: Where name of Shop and Study is forgot,--


s: And Peace to Croker on his golden Throne!


s: A Flask of Scotch, a Pipe of Shag--and Thou


s: Sigh for a greater Championship to come:


s: Ah, play the Match, and let the Medal go,


s: Nor heed old Bogey with his wretched Sum.


s: "Strolling," they say, "over the course we go,


s: "And here or there we lightly flick the Ball,


s: "Turn, and the Trick is done--in So-and-so."


s: BUT those who keep their Cards and turn them in,


s: Alike to no such aureate Fame are brought,


s: THE shining Cup men set their hearts upon


s: Like a good Three set in a bald Three-score,


s: That Glory gleams a moment--and is gone.


s: THINK, in this worn, forlorn old Field of Play,


s: Whose Green-keepers in turn are Night and Day,


s: How Champion after Champion with his Pomp


s: Abode his destin'd Hour and went his way.


s: THEY say the Female and the Duffer strut


s: On sacred Greens where Morris used to putt;


s: That nice Hand quiet now, that great Eye shut.


s: I SOMETIMES think that never springs so green


s: The Turf as where some Good Fellow has been,


s: And every emerald Stretch the Fair Green shows


s: His kindly Tread has known, his sure Play seen.


s: AND this reviving Herb whose tender green


s: Muffles the fair white Sphere o'er which we lean,


s: Ah, curse it gently, for here Jamie once--


s: Great Jamie--lay, and fetch'd a bad Thirteen.


s: AH, my Belovéd, play the Round that offers


s: TO-DAY some joy, whate'er To-morrow suffers:


s: Myself with Yesterday's Sev'n thousand Duffers.


s: AND some we loved, the feeblest with a Club,


s: Ordain'd to sclaff, to foozle, and to flub,


s: Have turned in Cards a Round or two before,


s: And played that final Green without a Rub.


s: They left, and Summer dresses in new sheen,


s: Ourselves must we beneath the springing Turf


s: AH, make the most of what we yet may spend


s: Sans Breath, sans Golf, sans Golfer, and--sans End!


s: And those who after some TO-MORROW stare,


s: A Keeper from the Links of Darkness cries


s: Fools, your Reward is neither Here nor There.


s: WHY, all the Toms and Jamies who discuss'd


s: Of the True Art so wisely--they are thrust


s: Like foolish prophets forth; their Words to Scorn


s: Are scatter'd, and their Mouths are stopt with Dust.


s: Of Grip and Stance and Swing; but evermore


s: And with mine own hand sought to make it grow;


s: And this was all the Harvest that I reap'd--


s: "You hold it This Way, and you swing it So."


s: Ev'n at the Shrine of Andrew cast my lot,


s: THERE was a Green for which I found no Tee,


s: And a blind Bunker which I might not see:


s: Out of the distant Dark a Voice cries "Fore!"


s: And then--and then no more of Thee and Me.


s: AS then the Sparrow for his morning Crumb,


s: Do thou each Morrow to the First Tee come,


s: And play thy quiet Round, till crusty Age


s: PERPLEXT no more with Where or How or Why,


s: Content to send away a fair straight Ball,


s: Though follow'd earthward by the naked Eye.


s: AND if the Ball you drive, the Shaft you press,


s: End in what all begins and ends in--Yes;


s: Thank Heav'n you play TO-DAY as YESTERDAY


s: You play'd--TO-MORROW you shall not do less.


s: At last shall find you come without Mishap,


s: Though without Glory, to turn in the Card


s: WHAT though a Fluke should fling your Class aside,


s: Are you a Golfer more than when last week


s: You did YOUR best, and barely saved your Hide?


s: Had there been less to drink and more to pay.


s: AND fear not lest the Fair Green after your


s: Ill-luck and mine should yield Bad Lies no more;


s: WHEN you and I our final Match have play'd,


s: Think not the ever-springing Green shall fade;


s: As Caddies heed the Bag,--their Quarter paid.


s: And Lo!--the phantom human Sphere has reacht


s: The Nothing it set out from--Ah, be quick!


s: WOULD you that Fillip of Existence spend


s: About THE SECRET--quick about it, Friend!


s: A Hair perhaps divides the False and True,


s: And upon what, prithee, does this Golf depend?


s: A HAIR perhaps divides the False and True,


s: Could you but find him--to the Championship,


s: AND yet what matter who a Moment reigns?


s: 'Tis not for such a Toy you take your pains;


s: To play the steady, simple, honest Game;


s: That is the Joy and Credit that remains.


s: BEHIND the uprisen Turf fair in the Ditch,


s: To risk the Overhang, or play back--which


s: Than tear the Web, better to drop a Stitch!


s: TWO--Three--aye, better Golf we all have seen--


s: But--bravo! Four--a sweet Approach and Clean;


s: Steady, you still may well go down in Five:


s: WASTE not your Hour, nor try in vain to fix


s: The How and Why--some wondrous Brew to mix;


s: STRANGE, is it not?--that of the myriads who


s: Into the Out-of-Bounds have late play'd through,


s: Not one returns to tell us of the Stroke


s: THE Ball no question makes of Ayes and Noes,


s: But Here or There as strikes the Player goes,


s: And ye who play behold the Ball fly clean,


s: Or roll a Rod; but why? Who knows? Who knows?


s: THE swinging Brassie strikes; and, having struck,


s: Moves on: nor all your Wit or future Luck


s: Shall lure it back to cancel half a Stroke,


s: NO hope by Club or Ball to win the Prize:


s: The batter'd, blacken'd Re-made sweetly flies,


s: Swept cleanly from the Tee; this is the truth:


s: Nine-tenths is Skill, and all the rest is Lies.


s: AND that inverted Ball they call the High--


s: By which the Duffer thinks to live or die,


s: Lift not your hands to IT for help, for it


s: OF Earth's first Clay was the last Golfer framed,


s: And that last Golfer's latest Score was named


s: The Dirge of every Duffer Golf has claimed.


s: YESTERDAY this Day's Foozling did prepare;


s: TO-MORROW'S Slicing will not yield to Prayer:


s: Play! for you know not whence you came, nor why:


s: Play! for you know not why you go, nor where.


s: I TELL you this--When, after youth was past,


s: A kindly Heav'n gave me to Golf at last;


s: The quiet State of Golf, tho' fools may flout,


s: That with its magic has unlock'd the Door


s: Once more within the Maker's house alone


s: I stood, surrounded by the Tools of Play.


s: CLUBS of all Sorts and Sizes, great and small,


s: That stood along the floor and by the wall;


s: And some old batter'd Veterans were; and some


s: Had swung perhaps, but never driv'n at all.


s: SAID one among them--"Surely not for naught


s: Tom Morris fashion'd me with anxious thought,


s: Has not my Form won many a Match and Cup?


s: And yet--and yet--I am no longer bought."


s: THEN said a Second--"Hear the Codger croak!


s: Sure he would make of Golf an ancient Joke;


s: But Me--just think! a modern Willie Park,


s: Well, then, I ask who won the last Sweepstake?"


s: A driving Putter, or a goose-neck'd Cleek--


s: "Pray, what is Golf then,--and the Golfer what?"


s: "WHY," said another, "Some there are who say


s: That Golf is but a Game that Golfers play,


s: And some that Life is but a mighty Green,


s: "WELL," murmur'd one, "let whoso make or buy,


s: For let the right Good-Fellow come along,


s: We all may lay the Ball dead by and by."


s: SO one and one and one I heard them speak:


s: "Ah, Friends," said I, "'tis not a Make we seek,


s: A Duffer arm'd with all the Clubs there be--


s: And thro' the Dusk an Angel Shape held out


s: The greater Guerdon; and it was--the Game!


s: Silence the scoffing ones, and in a trice


s: Life's leaden metal into Gold transmute.


s: INDEED, the brave Game I have loved so well


s: Has little taught me how to buy or sell;


s: Has pawn'd my Greatness for an Hour of Ease,


s: I swore--but it was Winter when I swore,


s: And then and then came Spring, and Club-in-hand


s: I hasten'd forth for one Round--one Round more.


s: BUT much as Golf has play'd the Infidel,


s: And robb'd me of my worldly Profit--Well,


s: One half so precious as the Joy they sell.


s: WHAT! for a senseless Bank-Account to wreak


s: Their manly Strength on Ledgers, till too weak


s: To swing a club?--So Caddies calmly tread


s: In Mire the Ball Heav'n sent them here to seek.


s: WHAT! as a poor dull Drudge to waste the Force


s: That might have made a Golfer, till the Source


s: Of Golf be dried--and Life grow all too brief


s: To top a Ball around the Ladies' Course!


s: YET, ah, that Golf should vanish with the green!


s: What noble matches Winter might have seen;


s: And in Old Age what glorious Hazards foil'd,


s: What Zest of painful Pleasures might have been!


s: WOULD but the dim Face of old Winter yield


s: One glimpse of green, like Youth to Age reveal'd,


s: Thro' which once more the failing Limbs might spring


s: As springs the trampled Herbage of the Field.


s: AH! with the Green my fading life provide,


s: Content to play one Round, or, meeker still,


s: THAT even the wavering Remnant of the Swing


s: May bear some witness to my virtuous Spring,


s: WOULD but the god of Golfers ere too late


s: Or--if we play--hole out in Four or Eight?


s: Nor care how many Down the Record stand:


s: YON rising Moon that leads us Home again,


s: How oft hereafter will she wax and wane;


s: At this same Turning--and for _One_ in vain.


s: AND when, like her, my Golfer, I have been


s: And am no more above the pleasant Green,


s: And you in your mild Journey pass the Hole


s: A youth who bore, through dust and heat,


s: A stencil-plate, that read complete--"SAPOLIO."


s: And through them hissed the words, "Well, blow


s: Me tight if here is 'ary show!" "SAPOLIO."


s: Shone "Gargling Oil," in black and white,


s: He straight beside it clapped his own--"SAPOLIO."


s: He answered with a dash of paint--"SAPOLIO."


s: And 'Simmons' Pills,' we're like to die."


s: He only answered, "Will you try--SAPOLIO?"


s: "I've done it! 'How is that for high?'" "SAPOLIO."


s: They read that legend strange, alway--"SAPOLIO"


s: He checked that word, from first to last, "SAPOLIO."


s: Take two large and tender human hearts, which match one another


s: stuffing of wild yearnings, hopeless tenderness, and a general


s: admiration for stars. Then completely cover up one heart with a


s: "infinites," and a mixed mouthful of "passions," "finites," and


s: following some model of a past generation, which has ceased to be


s: more real satisfaction from producing fashionable, than original


s: We regret to have to offer this work to the public in its present


s: Johnny James Webb, on his first Birthday.


s: I've arranged the images so they fit the story.


s: La Fontaine composed the most entertaining Fables ever


s: written in any language, and made them a model of literary


s: perfection; yet our translators and compilers have somehow


s: neglected him. His Fables are lyric poetry of a high order,


s: and this alone has doubtless been a barrier to a better


s: acquaintance with his work when transferred to our own


s: tongue. Done into prose, the Fables are no longer


s: La Fontaine, but take their place with the many


s: respectable, dull translations which English readers try to


s: admire because they are classics--though the soul that


s: made them such has been separated from the dead body.


s: It has seemed to me that while the full enjoyment of


s: La Fontaine must always be reserved for those who can


s: read him in French, it might be possible at least to convey


s: something of his originality and blithe spirit through the


s: medium of light verse. In making the attempt I am fully


s: aware of my temerity, and the criticism it will invite. To


s: excuse the one and to meet the other I have taken refuge


s: in the term "adaptation"--even though the word applies


s: only in part to my paraphrases. Some of the Fables in


s: this book are translations in a true sense, and keep


s: closely to the text. From others I have erased such


s: political, mythological and literary allusions (in which


s: La Fontaine abounds) as are either obsolete or


s: But my chief literary sin--if sin it be--is twofold. In the first


s: of the originals--substituting therefore a variety of forms in


s: line and stanza that more accord with the modern and


s: American ear. In the second place I have had the


s: hardihood--as in "The Lion and The Gnat"--to modify the


s: elegance of the original with phrases more appropriate to


s: our contemporary beasts. Animal talk, I feel sure, has lost


s: something of its stateliness since the days when our


s: French author overheard it. The Owl is no less pedantic


s: perhaps, but the Lion certainly has declined in


s: For these offenses, La Fontaine--who forgave everyone--is


s: bound to forgive me. The most good-humored Frenchmen,


s: he could condone all faults but dullness. That offense


s: against French fundamental principles invariably put him


s: to sleep--whether the bore who button-holed him was a


s: savant of the Sorbonne or just an ordinary ass.


s: One thing more. This little collection from his 240 Fables is


s: meant, first of all, for children. In assembling it no Fable


s: was admitted that has not been approved by generations


s: of the young and old. No apologue addressed to the


s: mature intelligence alone, or framed to fit the society


s: Many books which men have agreed to call classics are


s: seldom taken down from the shelves. It is otherwise with


s: La Fontaine. His Fables were eagerly read by the great


s: men and women of his time, and are still read and


s: The causes of this lasting popularity are not obscure. From


s: the earliest period--whether in India, Greece, Arabia or


s: Rome--the Fable has pleased and instructed mankind. It


s: told important truths, easily perceived, in an entertaining


s: way; and often said more in a few words than could be


s: said through any other kind of writing. Now, no one person


s: is the author of the Fables we know so well. Aesop did not


s: write the Fables bearing his name. There is even reason to


s: believe that Aesop is himself a Fable. At any rate, the


s: things ascribed to him are the work of many hands, and


s: have undergone many changes. These old stories of


s: animals began to be written so long ago, and the history


s: of them is so vague and confusing, that only in recent


s: years have scholars at last been able to trace them, and


s: The significant thing to keep in mind is that, for twentieth


s: century readers, the best Fables are not merely the best


s: ones ever written, but the best ones re-written. In other


s: words, the Fable was for centuries an old story in a rough


s: state, and the writers who have made it most interesting


s: are the writers who told it over again in a manner that


s: makes it Art. A Greek named Babrius, of whom almost


s: nothing is known, is remembered because he collected


s: and versified some of the so-called Fables of Aesop. A


s: Roman slave named Phaedrus also put these Fables


s: into Latin verse; and his work to-day is a text book in


s: Among modern writers, it was reserved for La Fontaine to


s: take these ancient themes and make them his own--just


s: as Moliere, "taking his own wherever he found it," borrowed


s: freely from the classics for his greatest plays; just as


s: Shakespeare re-formed forgotten tales with the glow and


s: splendor of surpassing genius, so La Fontaine turned to


s: India, Greece, Italy, and furnishing the old Fables and


s: facetious tales, refreshed them with his originality. Some


s: of them were his own inventions, but for the most part


s: they were "Aesop" and Phaedrus, made over by poetic


s: art and vivified with a wit and humor characteristically


s: But if La Fontaine's fame endures, it is not alone that he


s: was the greatest lyric poet of a great literary period.


s: Apart from the wit and fancy of his creations--apart from


s: the philosophy, wisdom, and knowledge of human nature


s: that so delighted Moliere, Boileau and Racine--his Fables


s: disclose the goodness and simplicity of one who lived


s: much with Nature, and cared nothing for the false


s: splendors of the court. Living most of his life in the


s: country, the woods, and streams and fields had been a


s: constant source of inspiration. He saw animals through


s: the eyes of a naturalist and poet; and when he came to


s: make them talk, the little fishes "talked like little


s: fishes--not like whales". With Shakespeare's banished


s: Finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks,


s: Sermons in stones, and good in everything.


s: An anecdote often told of him aptly illustrates his habit


s: of mind. He was late in coming to a fashionable dinner,


s: "I hope you will pardon me," he said. "I was detained at


s: the funeral of an ant, and I could not come until the


s: This was not a pleasantry, but the truth. He had been


s: watching an ant-hill, and was so absorbed in observing


s: a dead ant carried off by the living colonists for burial


s: The first six volumes of the Fables--published in 1668,


s: when he was 47, and in Paris--were an immediate and


s: brilliant success, at a time when French genius was in


s: full flower. But the literary men of that golden age got


s: their pecuniary reward not from the public, but from


s: patrons. Later in life, when La Fontaine at last was


s: graciously recognized by the grand monarch, he


s: appeared before the royal presence to receive his due.


s: Even then, with his usual absentmindedness, he forgot


s: to bring the book he was to present, and left behind him


s: in the carriage the purse of gold the King bestowed


s: However, the Fables brought him much in fame and


s: friendship. Everybody loved La Fontaine. Favorite of great


s: lords and ladies, the court of Louis XIV could not make


s: him otherwise than natural. Poor and improvident, poverty


s: had no pangs for him. No sorrow ever gave him a


s: sleepless hour. To the last he lived up to his


s: nickname--Bon-homme. And it is the gentle and good


s: man who is always looking out at us at us from the


s: And he worried 'cause he wasn't big enough.


s: If I stretch myself--Say Sister, see me puff!"


s: But she shook her head. And then he lost his wits.


s: And burst, and flew about in little bits.


s: So she said: "Pray, how passed you the summer,


s: "So you sang!" sneered the Ant. "That relieves me.


s: Now it's winter--go dance for your bread!"


s: The Cat and the Fox once took a walk together,


s: Sharpening their wits with talk about the weather


s: And as their walking sharpened appetite, too;


s: They also took some things they had no right to.


s: Cream, that is so delicious when it thickens,


s: Pleased the Cat best. The Fox liked little chickens.


s: With stomachs filled, they presently grew prouder,


s: And each began to try to talk the louder--


s: Bragging about his skill, and strength, and cunning.


s: "Pooh!" said the Fox. "You ought to see me running.


s: Besides, I have a hundred tricks. You Cat, you!


s: What can you do when Mr. Dog comes at you?"


s: "To tell the truth," the Cat said, "though it grieve me


s: I've but one trick. Yet that's enough--believe me!"


s: There came a pack of fox-hounds--yelping, baying.


s: "Pardon me", said the Cat. "I can't be staying.


s: This is my trick." And up a tree he scurried,


s: In vain he tried his hundred tricks and ruses


s: (The sort of thing that Mr. Dog confuses)--


s: Doubling, and seeking one hole, then another--


s: Smoked out of each until he thought he'd smother.


s: At last as he once more came out of cover,


s: Two nimble dogs pounced on him--All was over!


s: Looked down into a stream, and there he saw


s: Splash! In he plunged.. The image disappeared--


s: For the Raven held in his great big beak


s: Said the Fox, in admiring tones: "My word!


s: The birds of these woods would call you King."


s: He opened his beak, in his foolish pride--


s: And down fell the morsel the Fox had spied.


s: I'm sure the lesson is worth the price."


s: "Come back!" he cried. "No, no! The farm,


s: The Lion once said to the Gnat: "You brat,


s: Clear out just as quick as you can, now--s'cat!


s: That you won't be slammed perfectly flat--


s: Said the Gnat: "Because you're called King--you


s: You fancy that you will make me take wing.


s: Then loudly his trumpet he blew. And--whew!


s: How fiercely and fast at his foe he flew.


s: He roared and he foamed and he shook his mane.


s: He looked and laughed as he saw--Haw, Haw!--


s: The Lion self-torn by his tooth and claw,


s: Said the Gnat: "Shall I serve you up raw--


s: It's finished. The Lion's loud roar is o'er.


s: He's bitten and beaten, he's sick and sore.


s: With the news...He will never fight more--


s: The grapes hang high o'er the hungry Fox.--


s: He pricks up his ears, and his eye he cocks.


s: And knows he must eat and drink--or die.


s: When the jump proves to be beyond his power--


s: "Pooh!" says the Fox. "Let the pigs devour


s: Fruit of that sort. Those grapes are sour!"


s: Old Martin spied the tip; and country folk


s: Old Father Fox, who was known to be mean,


s: There was nothing but soup that could scarcely be seen:--


s: And the worst of it was, as I'm bound to relate,


s: Father Fox dished it up on a flat china plate.


s: Dame Stork, as you know, has a very long beak:


s: Had she pecked at the plate every day in the week.


s: With his tongue lapping soup at a scandalous rate,


s: He licked up the last bit and polished the plate.


s: Pretty soon Mistress Stork spread a feast of her own;


s: He came, and he saw, and he gave a great groan:


s: She had meant to get even, and now was her turn:


s: Father Fox was invited to eat from an urn.


s: The urn's mouth was small, and it had a long neck;


s: Dame Stork, with her beak in, proceeded to peck;


s: But the Fox found that fasting is frightful.


s: Home he sneaked. On his way there he felt his ears burn


s: When he thought of the Stork and her tall, tricky urn.


s: Jocko the Monkey, Mouser--his chum, the Cat,


s: Had the same master. Both were sleek and fat,


s: And mischievous. If anything went wrong,


s: The neighbors where not blamed. Be sure of that.


s: Jocko, 'tis said was something of a thief;


s: Mouser, if truth be told, would just as lief


s: Much stolen cheese as chase the midnight mouse.


s: The praise bestowed on either must be brief.


s: One day these rogues, stretched flat before the fire,


s: Saw chestnuts roassting. "Ah! Could we conspire


s: To jerk them out," said Jocko, "from the coals,


s: We'd smash the shells and have our heart's desire.


s: "Come, Brother Mouser! This day 'tis your turn


s: To do some bold and desperate thing to earn


s: Snatch out the nuts before they start to burn.


s: To play with fire. But you are not afraid."


s: So Mouser--pleased, like many a cat or man,


s: With pretty words--sly Jocko's wish obeyed.


s: Out came a chestnut clinging to his claw--


s: Jocko devoured them, whether roast or raw.


s: Jocko, you may be sure, enjoyed the fun.


s: But Mouser's paw is sadly singed--for what?


s: Just to get nuts for Jocko. He got none.


s: "Never mind," said the Tortoise. "Let's run!


s: Will you bet me?" "Why, certainly." "Done!"


s: As the Tortoise was as nearing the place.


s: A long-legged Heron, with long neck and beak,


s: Set out for a stroll by the bank of a creek.


s: So clear was the water that if you looked sharp


s: You could see the pike caper around with the carp.


s: The Heron might quickly have speared enough fish


s: His food fixed "just so," at the hours he preferred.


s: And hence he decided 'twas better to wait,


s: Since his appetite grew when he supped rather late.


s: Pretty soon he was hungry, and stalked to the bank.


s: Where some pondfish were leaping--a fish of low rank.


s: "Bah, Bah!" said the Bird. "Sup on these? No--not I.


s: I'm known as a Heron: as such I live high."


s: Then some gudgeon swam past that were tempting to see,


s: But the Heron said hautily: "No--not for me.


s: For those I'd not bother to open my beak,


s: If I had to hang 'round come next Friday a week."


s: Thus bragged the big Bird. But he's bound to confess


s: That he opened his elegant beak for much less.


s: Not another fish came. When he found all else fail,


s: He was happy to happen upon a fat snail.


s: The Raven's claws are caught, and stick!


s: "Ba, ba!" "Caw, caw!" cry bird and beast.


s: A Miller and Son once set out for the fair,


s: To sell a fine ass they had brought up with care;


s: And the way that they started made everyone stare.


s: To keep the Ass fresh, so the beast would sell dear


s: On a pole they slung him. It surely seemed queer:


s: He looked, with heels up, like some huge chandelier.


s: One person who passed them cried out in great glee.


s: "Was there anything ever so silly?" said he.


s: "Can you guess who the greatest Ass is of those three?"


s: The Miller at once put the brute on the ground;


s: And the Ass, who had liked to ride t'other way round,


s: Complained in language of curious sound.


s: No matter. The Miller now made his Son ride,


s: While he followed after or walked alongside.


s: Then up came three merchants. The eldest one cried;


s: "Get down there, young fellow! I never did see


s: Such manners:--a gray-beard walks where you should be.


s: He should ride, you should follow. Just take that from me!"


s: "Dear Sirs," quoth the Miller, "I'd see you content."


s: He climbed to the saddle; on foot the boy went...


s: Three girls passed. Said one: "Do you see that old Gent?


s: There he sits, like a bishop. I say it's a shame,


s: While that boy trudging after seems more than half lame."


s: "Little girl," said the Miller, "go back whence you came."


s: Yet this young creature so worked on his mind


s: That he wanted no woman to call him unkind:


s: And he said to his Son: "Seat yourself here--behind."


s: With the Ass bearing double they jogged on again,


s: And once more met a critic, who said: "It is plain


s: Only dunces would give their poor donkey such pain.


s: He will die with their weight: it's a shame and a sin.


s: For their faithful servant they care not a pin.


s: They'll have nothing to sell at the fair but his skin."


s: "Dear me!" said the Miller, "what am I to do?