s: To be near akin to the _genius humanum_,


s: And the experiment, tried so successfully then,


s: Should be kept in remembrance when wanted again.


s: A term formed on the model of the Mastodon, etc.


s: Particularly the formation called _Transition_ Trap.


s: My stalls are well furnisht with drones,


s: So they leave but the _substance_ my own;


s: A nice _half_-way concern, like our own,


s: And there's no saying when they'll have done;--


s: For, once in their glebe they are thrown,


s: Dear John, as I know, like our brother of London,


s: You've sipt of all knowledge, both sacred and mundane,


s: No doubt, in some ancient Joe Miller, you've read


s: What Cato, that cunning old Roman, once said--


s: That he ne'er saw two reverend sooth-say ers meet,


s: Let it be where it might, in the shrine or the street,


s: Without wondering the rogues, mid their solemn grimaces,


s: Didnt burst out a laughing in each other's faces.


s: What Cato then meant, tho' 'tis so long ago,


s: Even we in the present times pretty well know;


s: Having soothsayers also, who--sooth to say, John--


s: Are no better in some points than those of days gone,


s: And a pair of whom, meeting (between you and me),


s: Might laugh in their sleeves, too--all lawn tho' they be.


s: But this, by the way--my intention being chiefly


s: In this, my first letter, to hint to you briefly,


s: That, seeing how fond you of _Tuum_ must be,


s: While _Meum's_ at all times the main point with me,


s: We scarce could do better than form an alliance,


s: To set these sad Anti-Church times at defiance:


s: You, John, recollect, being still to embark,


s: With no share in the firm but your title and _mark_;


s: Or even should you feel in your grandeur inclined


s: To call yourself Pope, why, I shouldnt much mind;


s: While _my_ church as usual holds fast by your Tuum,


s: And every one else's, to make it all Suum.


s: Thus allied, I've no doubt we shall nicely agree,


s: As no twins can be liker, in most points, than we;


s: Both, specimens choice of that mixt sort of beast,


s: Both mettlesome _chargers_, both brisk pamphleteers,


s: Ripe and ready for all that sets men by the ears;


s: And I, at least one, who would scorn to stick longer


s: By any given cause than I found it the stronger,


s: And who, smooth in my turnings, as if on a swivel,


s: When the tone ecclesiastic wont do, try the _civil_.


s: In short (not to bore you, even _jure divino_)


s: We've the same cause in common, John--all but the rhino;


s: And that vulgar surplus, whate'er it may be,


s: As you're not used to cash, John, you'd best leave to me.


s: And so, without form--as the postman wont tarry--


s: So spelled in those ancient versicles which John, we understand,


s: And, so 'tis for mischief, reckless where.


s: As to my knowledge, there's no end to't,


s: For, where I haven't it, I pretend to't:


s: Which passes one off as learned and clever,


s: Whose head's so full of all sorts of wares,


s: If I had but of _law_ a little smattering,


s: I'd then be _perfect_--which is flattering.


s: In the moods and tenses of _parlez vous_)


s: When, as old Chambaud's shade stood mute,


s: To know if 'twas Sanscrit or High Dutch,


s: And _might_ have past with the unobserving


s: As one of the unknown tongues of Irving.


s: There's nothing like it in all antiquity.


s: When slaughter's at hand, your bird of prey


s: If _wrong_ the cause, the more my delight;


s: But I dont object to it, even when _right_,


s: There's Durham, for instance;--to worry _him_


s: They'll find him _bon diable_--spite of his phiz--


s: While playing old Puck in first-rate style,


s: To be _thought_ Robin Good-fellow all the while.


s: Among other stray flashmen disposed of, this week,


s: Was a youngster named Stanley, genteelly connected,


s: Who has lately been passing off coins as antique,


s: Which have proved to be _sham_ ones, tho' long unsuspected.


s: The ancients, our readers need hardly be told,


s: Had a coin they called "Talents," for wholesale demands;


s: And 'twas some of said coinage this youth was so bold


s: As to fancy he'd got, God knows how, in his hands.


s: People took him, however, like fools, at his word;


s: And these talents (all prized at his own valuation,)


s: Were bid for, with eagerness even more absurd


s: Than has often distinguisht this great thinking nation.


s: Talk of wonders one now and then sees advertised,


s: "Black swans"--"Queen Anne farthings"--or even "a child's caul"--


s: "Stanley's talents" outdid them--swans, farthings and all!


s: At length some mistrust of this coin got abroad;


s: Even quondam believers began much to doubt of it;


s: Some rung it, some rubbed it, suspecting a fraud--


s: And the hard rubs it got rather took the shine out of it.


s: Others, wishing to break the poor prodigy's fall,


s: Said 'twas known well to all who had studied the matter,


s: That the Greeks had not only _great_ talents but _small_,


s: And those found on the youngster were clearly _the latter_.


s: While others who viewed the grave farce with a grin--


s: Seeing counterfeits pass thus for coinage so massy,


s: Appropriately quoted Budaeus "de _Asse_."


s: In short, the whole sham by degrees was found out,


s: And this coin which they chose by such fine names to call,


s: Proved a mere lackered article--showy, no doubt,


s: But, ye gods! not the true Attic Talent at all.


s: As the impostor was still young enough to repent,


s: And, besides, had some claims to a grandee connection,


s: Their Worships--considerate for once--only sent


s: The young Thimblerig off to the House of Correction.


s: I'm quite of your mind;--tho' these Pats cry aloud


s: That they've got "too much Church," 'tis all nonsense and stuff;


s: For Church is like Love, of which Figaro vowed


s: That even _too much_ of it's not quite enough.


s: Ay! dose them with parsons, 'twill cure all their ills;--


s: Copy Morrison's mode when from pill-box undaunted he


s: Pours thro' the patient his black-coated pills,


s: Nor cares what their quality, so there's but quantity.


s: I verily think 'twould be worth England's while


s: To consider, for Paddy's own benefit, whether


s: 'Twould not be as well to give up the green isle


s: To the care, wear and tear of the Church altogether.


s: The Irish are well used to treatment so pleasant;


s: The harlot Church gave them to Henry Plantagenet,


s: And now if King William would make them a present


s: To t'other chaste lady--ye Saints, just imagine it!


s: Chief Secs., Lord-Lieutenants, Commanders-in-chief,


s: Might then all be culled from the episcopal benches;


s: While colonels in black would afford some relief


s: From the hue that reminds one of the old scarlet wench's.


s: Think how fierce at a _charge_ (being practised therein)


s: The Right Reverend Brigadier Phillpotts would slash on!


s: How General Blomfield, thro' thick and thro' thin,


s: To the end of the chapter (or chapters) would dash on!


s: For in one point alone do the amply fed race


s: That, set them on horseback, in full steeple chase,


s: And they'll ride, if not pulled up in time--you know where.


s: But, bless you! in Ireland, that matters not much,


s: Where affairs have for centuries gone the same way;


s: And a good stanch Conservative's system is such


s: That he'd back even Beelzebub's long-founded sway.


s: I am therefore, dear _Quarterly_, quite of your mind;--


s: Church, Church, in all shapes, into Erin let's pour:


s: And the more she rejecteth our medicine so kind.


s: The more let's repeat it--"Black dose, as before."


s: Let Coercion, that peace-maker, go hand in hand


s: With demure-eyed Conversion, fit sister and brother;


s: And, covering with prisons and churches the land,


s: All that won't _go_ to _one_, we'll put _into_ the other.


s: For the sole, leading maxim of us who're inclined


s: To rule over Ireland, not well but religiously,


s: Is to treat her like ladies who've just been confined


s: (Or who _ought_ to be so), and to _church_ her prodigiously.


s: Come, step in, gentlefolks, here ye may view


s: Of the Lords and Commons of this here nation.


s: The "Collective Wisdom" wondrous to see;


s: My eyes! when all them heads are at work,


s: What a vastly weighty consarn it must be.


s: As for the "wisdom,"--_that_ may come anon;


s: (And I find the phenomenon no uncommon 'un)


s: A man who's M.P. with a head that's M.T.


s: Our Lords are _rather_ too small, 'tis true;


s: But they do well enough for Cabinet shelves;


s: And, besides,--_what's_ a man with creeturs to do


s: That make such _werry_ small figures themselves?


s: There--dont touch those lords, my pretty dears--(_Aside_.)


s: Curse the children!--this comes of reforming a nation:


s: Those meddling young brats have so damaged my peers,


s: I must lay in more cork for a new creation.


s: Them yonder's our bishops--"to whom much is given,"


s: And who're ready to take as much more as you please:


s: The seers of old time saw visions of heaven,


s: But these holy seers see nothing but Sees.


s: Like old Atlas(the chap, in Cheapside, there below,)


s: 'Tis for so much _per cent_, they take heaven on their shoulders;


s: Tho' not capital priests, are such capital-holders.


s: There's one on 'em, Phillpotts, who now is away,


s: As we're having him filled with bumbustible stuff,


s: Small crackers and squibs, for a great gala-day,


s: When we annually fire his Right Reverence off.


s: 'Twould do your heart good, ma'am, then to be by,


s: When, bursting with gunpowder, 'stead of with bile,


s: Crack, crack, goes the bishop, while dowagers cry,


s: "How like the dear man, both in matter and style!"


s: Should you want a few Peers and M.P.s, to bestow,


s: As presents to friends, we can recommend these:--


s: Our nobles are come down to nine-pence, you know,


s: And we charge but a penny a piece for M.P.s.


s: Those of _bottle_-corks made take most with the trade,


s: (At least 'mong such as my _Irish_ writ summons,)


s: Of old _whiskey_ corks our O'Connells are made,


s: But those we make Shaws and Lefroys of, are _rum_ 'uns.


s: The sign of the Insurance Office in Cheapside.


s: Loud complaints being made in these quick-reading times,


s: Of too slack a supply both of prose works and rhymes,


s: A new Company, formed on the keep-moving plan,


s: First proposed by the great firm of Catch-'em-who-can,


s: Beg to say they've now ready, in full wind and speed,


s: Some fast-going authors, of quite a new breed--


s: Such as not he who _runs_ but who _gallops_ may read--


s: And who, if well curried and fed, they've no doubt,


s: Will beat even Bentley's swift stud out and out.


s: It is true in these days such a drug is renown,


s: We've "Immortals" as rife as M.P.s about town;


s: And not a Blue's rout but can offhand supply


s: Some invalid bard who's insured "not to die."


s: Still let England but once try _our_ authors, she'll find


s: How fast they'll leave even these Immortals behind;


s: And how truly the toils of Alcides were light,


s: Compared with _his_ toil who can read all they write.


s: In fact there's no saying, so gainful the trade,


s: Since Helicon never will want an "Undying One,"


s: As long as the public continues a Buying One;


s: And the company hope yet to witness the hour.


s: When, by strongly applying the mare-motive power,


s: A three-decker novel, midst oceans of praise,


s: May be written, launched, read and--forgot, in three days!


s: In addition to all this stupendous celerity,


s: Which--to the no small relief of posterity--


s: Pays off at sight the whole debit of fame,


s: (A project that wont as much tickle Tom Tegg as _us_,


s: Since 'twill rob _him_ of his second-priced Pegasus);


s: We, the Company--still more to show how immense


s: Is the power o'er the mind of pounds, shillings, and pence;


s: And that not even Phoebus himself, in our day,


s: Could get up a _lay_ without first an _out_-lay--


s: Beg to add, as our literature soon may compare,


s: In its quick make and vent, with our Birmingham ware,


s: And it doesnt at all matter in either of these lines,


s: How _sham_ is the article, so it but _shines_,--


s: We keep authors ready, all perched, pen in hand,


s: To write off, in any given style, at command.


s: No matter what bard, be he living or dead,


s: Ask a work from his pen, and 'tis done soon as said:


s: There being on the establishment six Walter Scotts,


s: One capital Wordsworth and Southeys in lots;--


s: Three choice Mrs. Nortons, all singing like syrens,


s: While most of our pallid young clerks are Lord Byrons.


s: Then we've ***s and ***s (for whom there's small call),


s: And ***s and ***s (for whom no call at all).


s: In short, whosoe'er the last "Lion" may be,


s: We've a Bottom who'll copy his _roar_ to a T,


s: And so well, that not one of the buyers who've got 'em


s: Can tell which is lion, and which only Bottom.


s: N. B.--The company, since they set up in this line,


s: Have moved their concern and are now at the sign


s: Of the Muse's Velocipede, _Fleet_ Street, where all


s: Who wish well to the scheme are invited to call.


s: "Bottom: Let me play the lion; I will roar you as 'twere any


s: All askt, aghast, "Is't true? is't true?"


s: But none knew whether 'twas fact or fable:


s: Tho' none to come at the truth was able--


s: That Dan had dined at the Viceroy's table;


s: In the heart of the Establisht mutton and pork!


s: That news produced in this orthodox nation?


s: If Dan was allowed at the Castle to feed,


s: 'Twas clearly _all up_ with the Protestant creed!


s: There appeared, as if raised by necromancers,


s: That a devil too much had joined the quadrille;


s: And sulphur was smelt and the lamps let fall


s: A grim, green light o'er the ghastly ball,


s: And the poor _sham_ devils didnt like it at all;


s: For they knew from whence the intruder had come,


s: Tho' he left, that night, his tail at home.


s: To the dinner that some weeks since took place.


s: With the difference slight of fiend and man,


s: That city must be, where the devil and Dan


s: May thus drop in at quadrilles and dinners!


s: But mark the end of these foul proceedings,


s: Some comfort 'twill be--to those, at least,


s: Who've studied this awful dinner question--


s: To know that Dan, on the night of that feast,


s: That envoys were sent post-haste to his priest


s: To come and absolve the suffering sinner,


s: That Peel's old confectioner--still at the trade--


s: Had poisoned the Papist with _orangeade_.


s: Which, all must own, is quite surprising,


s: (By some called _Cantoes_), stabs from wits;


s: And of all wounds for which they're nurst,


s: _Dead cuts_ from publishers, the worst;--


s: That oft-times, when the cure's completed,


s: Dont like to mix with low and common 'uns,


s: Where _prose_-peers, of immoderate length,


s: Are nurst, when they've outgrown their strength,


s: And poets, whom their friends despair of,


s: While t'other, tho' less stuff was given,


s: "Sir Robert Peel believed it was necessary to originate all


s: respecting religion and trade in a Committee of the House."


s: Say, who was the wag, indecorously witty,


s: Who first in a statute this libel conveyed;


s: And thus slyly referred to the selfsame committee,


s: As matters congenial, Religion and Trade?


s: Oh surely, my Phillpotts, 'twas thou didst the deed;


s: For none but thyself or some pluralist brother,


s: Accustomed to mix up the craft with the creed,


s: Could bring such a pair thus to twin with each other.


s: And yet, when one thinks of times present and gone,


s: One is forced to confess on maturer reflection


s: That 'tisn't in the eyes of committees alone


s: That the shrine and the shop seem to have some connection.


s: Not to mention those monarchs of Asia's fair land,


s: Whose civil list all is in "god-money" paid;


s: And where the whole people, by royal command,


s: Buy their gods at the government mart, ready made;--


s: There was also (as mentioned, in rhyme and in prose, is)


s: To make rings for right reverend crocodiles' noses--


s: Just such as, my Phillpotts, would look well in thine.


s: But one needn't fly off in this erudite mood;


s: And 'tis clear without going to regions so sunny


s: That priests love to do the _least_ possible good


s: For the largest _most_ possible quantum of money.


s: "Of him," saith the text, "unto whom much is given,


s: "Of him much, in turn, will be also required:"--


s: "By _me_," quoth the sleek and obese man of heaven--


s: "Give as much as you will--more will still be desired."


s: More money! more churches!--oh Nimrod, hadst thou


s: 'Stead of _Tower_-extension, some shorter way gone--


s: Hadst thou known by what methods we mount to heaven _now_,


s: And tried _Church_-extension, the feat had been done!


s: Whether as queens or subjects, in these days,


s: Women seem formed to grace alike each station:--


s: "You ladies, are the lords of the creation!"


s: Thus o'er my mind did prescient visions float


s: When hark! in rumors less and less remote,


s: Came the glad news o'er Erin's ambient sea,


s: The important news--that Mrs. Nethercoat


s: Yes, mark it, History--Nethercoat is dead,


s: And Mrs. N. now rules his realm instead;


s: Hers the high task to wield the uplocking keys,


s: To rivet rogues and reign o'er Rapparees!


s: Thus, while your blusterers of the Tory school


s: Find Ireland's sanest sons so hard to rule,


s: One meek-eyed matron in Whig doctrines nurst


s: Is all that's askt to curb the maddest, worst!


s: Show me the man that dares with blushless brow


s: Now, when her temperance forms her sole excess;


s: When long-loved whiskey, fading from her sight,


s: "Small by degrees and beautifully less,"


s: Will soon like other _spirits_ vanish quite;


s: When of red coats the number's grown so small,


s: That soon, to cheer the warlike parson's eyes,


s: No glimpse of scarlet will be seen at all,


s: Save that which she of Babylon supplies;--


s: Or, at the most, a corporal's guard will be,


s: Of Ireland's _red_ defence the sole remains;


s: While of its jails bright woman keeps the key,


s: And captive Paddies languish in her chains!


s: Long may such lot be Erin's, long be mine!


s: Oh yes--if even this world, tho' bright it shine,


s: In Wisdom's eyes a prison-house must be,


s: At least let woman's hand our fetters twine,


s: And blithe I'll sing, more joyous than if free,


s: That a meeting is fixt for some early day,


s: (No matter the sex, so they dowagers be,)


s: Whose opinions concerning Church and State


s: From about the time of the Curfew date--


s: And admiring _them_ for their rust alone--


s: Who was pickled and potted in Ptolemy's days;


s: For _that's_ the man, if waked from his shelf,


s: To conserve and swaddle this world like himself.


s: Such, we're happy to state, are the old _he_-dames


s: Who've met in committee and given their names


s: (In good hieroglyphics), with kind intent


s: To their sister author, the nameless he,


s: The work, as Sir Sampson Legend would say,


s: Of some "fellow the Flood couldnt wash away."


s: The fund being raised, there remained but to see


s: What the dowager-author's gift was to be.


s: For finding the poor man suffering greatly


s: From the awful stuff he has thrown up lately--


s: As to bring on a fit of what doctors call


s: (I'm sorry with such a long word to detain ye),


s: They've acted the part of a kind physician,


s: By suiting their gift to the patient's condition;


s: And as soon as 'tis ready for presentation,


s: We shall publish the facts for the gratification


s: Of this highly-favored and Protestant nation.


s: Meanwhile, to the great alarm of his neighbors,


s: He still continues his _Quarterly_ labors;


s: Which frighten his old nurse out of her wits.


s: Sometimes he screams, like Scrub in the play,


s: "Thieves! Jesuits! Popery!" night and day;


s: Takes the Printer's Devil for Doctor Dens,


s: And shies at him heaps of High-church pens;


s: Which the Devil (himself a touchy Dissenter)


s: Feels all in his hide, like arrows, enter.


s: 'Stead of swallowing wholesome stuff from the druggist's,


s: He _will_ keep raving of "Irish Thuggists;"


s: If askt, how comes it the gown and cassock are


s: Safe and fat, mid this general massacre--


s: But swarms the more for this trucidation--


s: This is all we've got, for the present, to say--


s: But shall take up the subject some future day.


s: Upon Fancy's reinless nightmare flitting,


s: With a goodly group of diners sitting;--


s: All in the printing and publishing line,


s: (Having just gone into its second edition),


s: That the dishes, sent up by Type's she-cooks,


s: Bore all, in appearance, the shape of books;


s: Large folios--God knows where they got 'em,


s: In these _small_ times--at top and bottom;


s: For no one to read them) down the sides.


s: Then flasht a horrible thought on my brain,


s: And I said to myself, "'Tis all too plain,


s: "Like those well known in school quotations,


s: "Who ate up for dinner their own relations,


s: "The bodies and bones of my brethren dear;--


s: "Bright sons of the lyric and epic Muse,


s: "All cut up in cutlets, or hasht in stews;


s: "Their _works_, a light thro' ages to go,--


s: "_Themselves_, eaten up by Type and Co.!"


s: "This cut of Campbell I recommend you"--


s: "And here, my friends, is a treat indeed,


s: Thus having, the cormorants, fed some time,


s: Upon joints of poetry--all of the prime--


s: With also (as Type in a whisper averred it)


s: "Cold prose on the sideboard, for such as preferred it"--


s: They rested awhile, to recruit their force,


s: Then pounced, like kites, on the second course,


s: Which was singing-birds merely--Moore and others--


s: Who all went the way of their larger brothers;


s: And, numerous now tho' such songsters be,


s: A whole dishful of Toms--Moore, Dibdin, Bayly,--


s: Nor was this the worst--I shudder to think


s: What a scene was disclosed when they came to drink.


s: The warriors of Odin, as every one knows,


s: Used to drink out of skulls of slaughtered foes:


s: And Type's old port, to my horror I found,


s: Was in skulls of bards sent merrily round.


s: And still as each well-filled cranium came,


s: A health was pledged to its owner's name;


s: While Type said slyly, midst general laughter,


s: "We eat them up first, then drink to them after."


s: There was _no_ standing this--incensed I broke


s: From my bonds of sleep, and indignant woke,


s: "Whose voices still sound, like deathless chimes,


s: "Could you e'er have foretold a day would be,


s: "When a dreamer of dreams should live to see


s: "Hobnobbing each other in poets' skulls!"


s: Written during the late agitation of the question of Copyright.


s: Important event for the rich and religious!


s: Great Meeting of Silversmiths held in Queen Square;--


s: Church Extension, their object,--the excitement prodigious;--


s: Demetrius, head man of the craft, takes the chair!


s: The Chairman still up, when our devil came away;


s: Having prefaced his speech with the usual state prayer,


s: That the Three-headed Dian would kindly, this day,


s: Take the Silversmiths' Company under her care.


s: Being askt by some low, unestablisht divines,


s: "When your churches are up, where are flocks to be got?"


s: He manfully answered, "Let _us_ build the shrines,


s: "And we care not if flocks are found for them or not."


s: He then added--to show that the Silversmiths' Guild


s: Were above all confined and intolerant views--


s: "Only _pay_ thro' the nose to the altars we build,


s: "You may _pray_ thro' the nose to what altars you choose."


s: This tolerance, rare from a shrine-dealer's lip


s: (Tho' a tolerance mixt with due taste for the till)--


s: So much charmed all the holders of scriptural scrip,


s: That their shouts of "Hear!" "Hear!" are re-echoing still.


s: Great stir in the Shrine Market! altars to Phoebus


s: Are going dog-cheap--may be had for a rebus.


s: Old Dian's, as usual, outsell all the rest;--


s: As news from Olympus has grown rather rare,


s: Since bards, in their cruises, have ceased to _touch_ there,


s: We extract for our readers the intelligence given,


s: In our latest accounts from that _ci-devant_ Heaven--


s: That realm of the By-gones, where still sit in state


s: Old god-heads and nod-heads now long out of date.


s: Jove himself, it appears, since his love-days are o'er,


s: Seems to find immortality rather a bore;


s: Tho' he still asks for news of earth's capers and crimes,


s: And reads daily his old fellow-Thunderer, _the Times_.


s: He and Vulcan, it seems, by their wives still hen-_peckt_ are,


s: And kept on a stinted allowance of nectar.


s: Old Phoebus, poor lad, has given up inspiration,


s: And packt off to earth on a _puff_ speculation.


s: The fact is, he found his old shrines had grown dim,


s: Since bards lookt to Bentley and Colburn, not him.


s: So he sold off his stud of ambrosia-fed nags.


s: Came incog. down to earth, and now writes for the _Mags_;


s: Taking care that his work not a gleam hath to linger in't,


s: From which men could guess that the god had a finger in't.


s: There are other small facts, well deserving attention,


s: Of which our Olympic despatches make mention.


s: Poor Bacchus is still very ill, they allege,


s: Having never recovered the Temperance Pledge.


s: "What, the Irish!" he cried--"those I lookt to the most!


s: "If they give up the _spirit_, I give up the ghost:"


s: While Momus, who used of the gods to make fun,


s: Is turned Socialist now and declares there are none!


s: But these changes, tho' curious, are all a mere farce


s: Compared to the new "_casus belli_" of Mars,


s: Who, for years, has been suffering the horrors of quiet,


s: Uncheered by one glimmer of bloodshed or riot!


s: In vain from the clouds his belligerent brow


s: Did he pop forth, in hopes that somewhere or somehow,


s: Like Pat at a fair, he might "coax up a row:"


s: But the joke wouldn't take--the whole world had got wiser;


s: Men liked not to take a Great Gun for adviser;


s: And, still less, to march in fine clothes to be shot,


s: Without very well knowing for whom or for what.


s: The French, who of slaughter had had their full swing,


s: Were content with a shot, now and then, at their King;


s: While, in England, good fighting's a pastime so hard to gain,


s: Nobody's left to fight _with_, but Lord Cardigan.


s: 'Tis needless to say then how monstrously happy


s: Old Mars has been made by what's now on the _tapis_;


s: How much it delights him to see the French rally,


s: Well knowing that Satan himself could not find


s: A confection of mischief much more to his mind


s: Than the old _Bonnet Rouge_ and the Bashaw combined.


s: Right well, too, he knows, that there ne'er were attackers,


s: Whatever their cause, that they didnt find backers;


s: While any slight care for Humanity's woes


s: May be soothed by that "_Art Diplomatique_," which shows


s: How to come in the most approved method to blows.


s: This is all for to-day--whether Mars is much vext


s: At his friend Thiers's exit, we'll know by our next.


s: Our earth, as it rolls thro' the regions of space,


s: Wears always two faces, the dark and the sunny;


s: And poor human life runs the same sort of race,


s: Being sad on one side--on the other side, funny.


s: Thus oft we, at eve, to the Haymarket hie,


s: To weep o'er the woes of Macready;--but scarce


s: Hath the tear-drop of Tragedy past from the eye,


s: When lo! we're all laughing in fits at the Farce.


s: And still let us laugh--preach the world as it may--


s: Where the cream of the joke is, the swarm will soon follow;


s: Heroics are very grand things in their way,


s: But the laugh at the long run will carry it hollow.


s: For instance, what sermon on human affairs


s: Could equal the scene that took place t'other day


s: 'Twixt Romeo and Louis Philippe, on the stairs--


s: The Sublime and Ridiculous meeting half-way!


s: Yes, Jocus! gay god, whom the Gentiles supplied,


s: And whose worship not even among Christians declines,


s: In our senate thou'st languisht since Sheridan died,


s: But Sydney still keeps thee alive in our shrines.


s: Rare Sydney! thrice honored the stall where he sits,


s: And be his every honor he deigneth to climb at!


s: Had England a hierarchy formed all of wits,


s: Who but Sydney would England proclaim as its primate?


s: And long may he flourish, frank, merry and brave--


s: While he _laughs_, all is safe, but, when Sydney grows grave,


s: We shall then think the Church is in danger _indeed_.


s: Meanwhile it much glads us to find he's preparing


s: To teach _other_ bishops to "seek the right way;"


s: And means shortly to treat the whole Bench to an airing,


s: Just such as he gave to Charles James t'other day.


s: For our parts, gravity's good for the soul,


s: Such a fancy have we for the side that there's fun on,


s: We'd rather with Sydney southwest take a "stroll,"


s: Than _coach_ it north-east with his Lordship of Lunnun.


s: What, _thou_, my friend! a man of rhymes,


s: When authors thrive like spinning-jennies,


s: When, doomed in upper floors to star it.


s: Himself, the while, my Lord Mountgarret.


s: Cuts both _Star Chamber_ and the peerage.


s: And learn from her the method true,[too.


s: And since they've fairly set in blowing,


s: We find them the best _trade_-winds going.


s: As seen from bard's back attic windows):


s: Large draughts (_at sight_) of inspiration,


s: While still fresh "_change_ comes o'er her dream."


s: Before the world has read one line of us.


s: Their luggage, a few close-packt rhymes,


s: (Like yours, my friend,) for after-times--


s: Who, scorning all such slack and slow time,


s: The _critics_, if they please, may follow.


s: Ere _they_'ve laid down their first positions,


s: To catch the Unread One, comes too late;


s: But bless me!--while I thus keep fooling,


s: Some call the Muse, some raise the devil.


s: But, neat as are old Lyndhurst's doings--


s: Beyond even Hecate's "hell-broth" brewings--


s: The urchin's freaks, the veteran's gall,


s: Whene'er thou, witch-like, ridest the storm,


s: Let Stanley ride cockhorse behind thee--


s: No livelier lackey could they find thee.


s: So mischief's _done_, you care not _where_,


s: Ireland, we're told, means the land of _Ire_;


s: Shall swarm from out their mountain nests,


s: With all their merry moonlight brothers,


s: To whom the Church (_step_-dame to others)


s: Shall Rockites and right reverends reign;


s: Dear Lyndhurst,--you'll pardon my making thus free,--


s: But form is all fudge 'twixt such "comrogues" as we,


s: Who, whate'er the smooth views we, in public, may drive at,


s: Have both the same praiseworthy object, in private--


s: Namely, never to let the old regions of riot,


s: Where Rock hath long reigned, have one instant of quiet,


s: But keep Ireland still in that liquid we've taught her


s: To love more than meat, drink, or clothing--_hot water_.


s: All the difference betwixt you and me, as I take it,


s: Is simply, that _you_ make the law and _I_ break it;


s: And never, of big-wigs and small, were there two


s: Played so well into each other's hands as we do;


s: Insomuch, that the laws you and yours manufacture,


s: Seem all made express for the Rock-boys to fracture.


s: Not Birmingham's self--to her shame be it spoken--


s: E'er made things more neatly contrived to be broken;


s: And hence, I confess, in this island religious,


s: The breakage of laws--and of heads _is_ prodigious.


s: And long may it thrive, my Ex-Bigwig, say I,--


s: Tho', of late, much I feared all our fun was gone by;


s: As, except when some tithe-hunting parson showed sport,


s: Some rector--a cool hand at pistols and port,


s: Who "keeps dry" his _powder_, but never _himself_--


s: One who, leaving his Bible to rust on the shelf,


s: Sends his pious texts home, in the shape of ball-cartridges,


s: Shooting his "dearly beloved," like partridges;


s: Except when some hero of this sort turned out,


s: Or, the Exchequer sent, flaming, its tithe-writs about--


s: A contrivance more neat, I may say, without flattery,


s: Than e'er yet was thought of for bloodshed and battery;


s: So neat, that even _I_ might be proud, I allow,


s: To have bit off so rich a receipt for a _row_;--


s: Except for such rigs turning up, now and then,


s: I was actually growing the dullest of men;


s: And, had this blank fit been allowed to increase,


s: Might have snored myself down to a Justice of Peace.


s: Like you, Reformation in Church and in State


s: Is the thing of all things I most cordially hate.


s: If once these curst Ministers do as they like,


s: All's o'er, my good Lord, with your wig and my pike,


s: And one may be hung up on t'other, henceforth,


s: Just to show what _such_ Captains and Chancellors were worth.


s: But we must not despair--even already Hope sees


s: You're about, my bold Baron, to kick up a breeze


s: Of the true baffling sort, such as suits me and you,


s: Who have boxt the whole compass of party right thro',


s: And care not one farthing, as all the world knows,


s: So we _but_ raise the wind, from what quarter it blows.


s: Forgive me, dear Lord, that thus rudely I dare


s: My own small resources with thine to compare:


s: Not even Jerry Diddler, in "raising the wind," durst


s: Complete, for one instant, with thee, my dear Lyndhurst.


s: But, hark, there's a shot!--some parsonic practitioner?


s: No--merely a bran-new Rebellion Commissioner;


s: The Courts having now, with true law erudition,


s: Put even Rebellion itself "in commission."


s: As seldom, in _this_ way, I'm any man's debtor,


s: I'll just _pay my shot_ and then fold up this letter.


s: In the mean time, hurrah for the Tories and Rocks!


s: Hurrah for the parsons who fleece well their flocks!


s: Hurrah for all mischief in all ranks and spheres,


s: And, above all, hurrah for that dear House of Peers!


s: Exchequer tithe processes, served under a commission of


s: Here I am, at headquarters, dear Terry, once more,


s: Deep in Tory designs, as I've oft been before:


s: For, bless them! if 'twasn't for this wrong-headed crew,


s: You and I, Terry Alt, would scarce know what to do;


s: So ready they're always, when dull we are growing,


s: To set our old concert of discord a-going,


s: While Lyndhurst's the lad, with his Tory-Whig face,


s: To play in such concert the true _double-base_.


s: I had feared this old prop of my realm was beginning


s: To tire of his course of political sinning,


s: And, like Mother Cole, when her heyday was past,


s: Meant by way of a change to try virtue at last.


s: But I wronged the old boy, who as staunchly derides


s: All reform in himself as in most things besides;


s: And, by using _two_ faces thro' life, all allow,


s: Has acquired face sufficient for _any_-thing now.


s: In short, he's all right; and, if mankind's old foe,


s: My "Lord Harry" himself--who's the leader, we know,


s: If that "Lord," in his well-known discernment, but spares


s: Me and Lyndhurst, to look after Ireland's affairs,


s: We shall soon such a region of devilment make it,


s: That Old Nick himself for his own may mistake it.


s: Even already--long life to such Bigwigs, say I,


s: For, as long as they flourish, we Rocks cannot die--


s: He has served our right riotous cause by a speech


s: Whose perfection of mischief he only could reach;


s: As it shows off both _his_ and _my_ merits alike,


s: Both the swell of the wig and the point of the pike;


s: Mixes up, with a skill which one cant but admire,


s: The lawyer's cool craft with the incendiary's fire,


s: And enlists, in the gravest, most plausible manner,


s: Seven millions of souls under Rockery's banner!


s: Oh Terry, my man, let this speech _never_ die;


s: Thro' the regions of Rockland, like flame, let it fly;


s: Let each syllable dark the Law-Oracle uttered


s: By all Tipperary's wild echoes be muttered.


s: Till naught shall be heard, over hill, dale or flood,


s: But "_You're aliens in language, in creed and in blood;_"


s: While voices, from sweet Connemara afar,


s: Shall answer, like true _Irish_ echoes, "We are!"


s: And, tho' false be the cry, and the sense must abhor it,


s: Still the echoes may quote _Law_ authority for it,


s: And naught Lyndhurst cares for my spread of dominion


s: So he, in the end, touches cash "for the _opinion_."


s: But I've no time for more, my dear Terry, just now,


s: Being busy in helping these Lords thro' their __row_.


s: They're bad hands at mob-work, but once they begin,


s: They'll have plenty of practice to break them well in.


s: The subordinate officer or lieutenant of Captain Rock.


s: In the dirge we sung o'er him no censure was heard,


s: Unembittered and free did the tear-drop descend;


s: We forgot, in that hour, how the statesman had erred,


s: And wept for the husband, the father and friend.


s: Oh! proud was the meed his integrity won,


s: And generous indeed were the tears that we shed,


s: When in grief we forgot all the ill he had done,


s: And tho' wronged by him living, bewailed him, when dead.


s: Even now if one harsher emotion intrude,


s: 'Tis to wish he had chosen some lowlier state,


s: Had known what he was--and, content to be _good_,


s: Had ne'er for our ruin aspired to be _great_.


s: So, left thro' their own little orbit to move,


s: His years might have rolled inoffensive away;


s: His children might still have been blest with his love,


s: And England would ne'er have been curst with his sway.


s: _Sir_,--In order to explain the following Fragment, it is


s: One day the Chinese Bird of Royalty, FUM,


s: Thus accosted our own Bird of Royalty, HUM,


s: In that Palace or China-shop (Brighton, which is it?)


s: Where FUM had just come to pay HUM a short visit.--


s: Near akin are these Birds, tho' they differ in nation


s: (The breed of the HUMS is as old as creation);


s: Both, full-crawed Legitimates--both, birds of prey,


s: Both, cackling and ravenous creatures, half way


s: 'Twixt the goose and the vulture, like Lord Castlereagh.


s: While FUM deals in Mandarins Bonzes, Bohea,


s: Peers, Bishops and Punch, HUM.--are sacred to thee


s: So congenial their tastes, that, when FUM first did light on


s: The floor of that grand China-warehouse at Brighton,


s: The lanterns and dragons and things round the dome


s: Where so like what he left, "Gad," says FUM, "I'm at home,"--


s: And when, turning, he saw Bishop L--GE, "Zooks, it is."


s: Quoth the Bird, "Yes--I know him--a Bonze, by his phiz-


s: "And that jolly old idol he kneels to so low


s: "Can be none but our round-about god-head, fat Fo!"


s: It chanced at this moment, the Episcopal Prig


s: Was imploring the Prince to dispense with his wig,


s: Which the Bird, overhearing, flew high o'er his head,


s: And some TOBIT-like marks of his patronage shed,


s: Which so dimmed the poor Dandy's idolatrous eye,


s: That, while FUM cried "Oh Fo!" all the court cried "Oh fie!"


s: But a truce to digression;--these Birds of a feather


s: Thus talkt, t'other night, on State matters together;


s: (The PRINCE just in bed, or about to depart for't,


s: His legs full of gout, and his arms full of HARTFORD,)


s: "I say, HUM," says FUM--FUM, of course, spoke Chinese,


s: But, bless you! that's nothing--at Brighton one sees


s: Foreign lingoes and Bishops _translated_ with ease--


s: "I say, HUM, how fares it with Royalty now?


s: "Is it _up_? is it _prime_? is it _spooney_-or how?"


s: (The Bird had just taken a flash-man's degree


s: Under BARRYMORE, YARMOUTH, and young Master L--E,)


s: "As for us in Pekin"--here, a devil of a din


s: From the bed-chamber came, where that long Mandarin,


s: Castlereagh (whom FUM calls the _Confucius_ of Prose),


s: Was rehearsing a speech upon Europe's repose


s: To the deep, double bass of the fat Idol's nose.


s: (_Nota bene_--his Lordship and LIVERPOOL come,


s: In collateral lines, from the old Mother HUM,


s: The Speech being finisht, out rusht CASTLEREAGH.


s: Saddled HUM in a hurry, and, whip, spur, away!


s: Thro' the regions of air, like a Snip on his hobby,


s: Ne'er paused till he lighted in St. Stephen's lobby.


s: Yes, grief will have way--but the fast falling tear


s: Shall be mingled with deep execrations on those


s: Who could bask in that Spirit's meridian career.


s: And yet leave it thus lonely and dark at its close:--


s: Whose vanity flew round him, only while fed


s: By the odor his fame in its summer-time gave;--


s: Whose vanity now, with quick scent for the dead,


s: Like the Ghoul of the East, comes to feed at his grave.


s: Oh! it sickens the heart to see bosoms so hollow,


s: And spirits so mean in the great and high-born;


s: To think what a long line of titles may follow


s: The relics of him who died--friendless and lorn!


s: How proud they can press to the funeral array


s: Of one whom they shunned in his sickness and sorrow:--


s: How bailiffs may seize his last blanket to-day,


s: Whose palls shall be held up by nobles to-morrow!


s: And Thou too whose life, a sick epicure's dream,


s: Incoherent and gross, even grosser had past,


s: Were it not for that cordial and soul-giving beam


s: Which his friendship and wit o'er thy nothingness cast:--


s: No! not for the wealth of the land that supplies thee


s: With millions to heap upon Foppery's shrine;--


s: No! not for the riches of all who despise thee,


s: Tho' this would make Europe's whole opulence mine;--


s: Would I suffer what--even in the heart that thou hast--


s: All mean as it is--must have consciously burned.


s: When the pittance, which shame had wrung from thee at last,


s: And which found all his wants at an end, was returned!


s: "Was this then the fate,"--future ages will say,


s: When _some_ names shall live but in history's curse;


s: When Truth will be heard, and these Lords of a day


s: Be forgotten as fools or remembered as worse;--


s: "Was this then the fate of that high-gifted man,


s: "The pride of the palace, the bower and the hall,


s: "Thro' each mode of the lyre and was master of all;--


s: "Whose mind was an essence compounded with art


s: "From the finest and best of all other men's powers;-


s: "Who ruled, like a wizard, the world of the heart,


s: "And could call up its sunshine or bring down its showers;--


s: "Whose humor, as gay as the firefly's light,


s: "Played round every subject and shone as it played;--


s: "Whose wit in the combat, as gentle as bright,


s: "Ne'er carried a heart-stain away on its blade;--


s: "Whose eloquence--brightening whatever it tried,


s: "Whether reason or fancy, the gay or the grave,--


s: "Was as rapid, as deep and as brilliant a tide,


s: "As ever bore Freedom aloft on its wave!"


s: Yes--such was the man and so wretched his fate;--


s: And thus, sooner or later, shall all have to grieve,


s: Who waste their morn's dew in the beams of the Great,


s: And expect 'twill return to refresh them at eve.


s: In the woods of the North there are insects that prey


s: On the brain of the elk till his very last sigh;


s: Oh, Genius! thy patrons, more cruel than they,


s: First feed on thy brains and then leave thee to die!


s: What! BEN, my old hero, is this your renown?


s: Is _this_ the new _go_?--kick a man when he's down!


s: When the foe has knockt under, to tread on him then--


s: By the fist of my father, I blush for thee, BEN!


s: "Foul! foul!" all the lads of the Fancy exclaim--


s: CHARLEY SHOCK is electrified--BELCHER spits flame--


s: And MOLYNEUX--ay, even BLACKY cries "shame!"


s: Time was, when JOHN BULL little difference spied


s: 'Twixt the foe at his feet and the friend at his side:


s: When he found (such his humor in fighting and eating)


s: His foe, like his beef-steak, the sweeter for beating.


s: But this comes, Master BEN, of your curst foreign notions,


s: Your trinkets, wigs, thingumbobs, gold lace and lotions;


s: Your Noyaus, Curacoas, and the devil knows what--


s: (One swig of _Blue Ruin_ is worth the whole lot!)


s: Your great and small _crosses_--my eyes, what a brood!


s: (A _cross_-buttock from _me_ would do some of them good!)


s: Which have spoilt you, till hardly a drop, my old porpoise,


s: Of pure English _claret_ is left in your _corpus_;


s: And (as JIM says) the only one trick, good or bad,


s: Of the Fancy you're up to, is _fibbing_, my lad.


s: Hence it comes,--BOXIANA, disgrace to thy page!--


s: Having floored, by good luck, the first _swell_ of the age,


s: Having conquered the _prime one_, that _milled_ us all round,


s: You kickt him, old BEN, as he gaspt on the ground!


s: Ay--just at the time to show spunk, if you'd got any--


s: Kickt him and jawed him and _lagged_ him to Botany!


s: Oh, shade of the _Cheesemonger_! you, who, alas!


s: _Doubled up_ by the dozen those Moun-seers in brass,


s: On that great day of _milling_, when blood lay in lakes,


s: When Kings held the bottle, and Europe the stakes,


s: Look down upon BEN--see him, _dung-hill_ all o'er,


s: Insult the fallen foe that can harm him no more!


s: Out, cowardly _spooney_!--again and again,


s: By the fist of my father, I blush for thee, BEN.


s: To _show the white feather_ is many men's doom,


s: But, what of _one_ feather?--BEN shows a _whole Plume_.


s: A nickname given, at this time, to the Prince Regent.


s: Written soon after Bonaparte's transportation to St. Helena.


s: Names and nicknames of celebrated pugilists at that time.


s: A Life-Guardsman, one of _the Fancy_ who distinguished himself


s: and was killed in the memorable _set-to_ at Waterloo.


s: --Clip the wings Of these high-flying arbitrary Kings.


s: Which shone by moonlight--as the tale is--


s: And all were pleased and cold and stately,


s: Had pledged her word there was no danger


s: Who reverence monarchs, must have trembled


s: Were seized with an ill-omened dripping,


s: And o'er the floors, now growing glassy,


s: Could scarce get on for downright stumbling;


s: Yet still 'twas, _who_ could stamp the floor most,


s: Russia and Austria 'mong the foremost.--


s: This precious brace would, hand in hand, go;


s: Never were Kings (tho' small the expense is


s: But ah! that dance--that Spanish dance--


s: "A thaw, by Jove--we're lost, we're lost!


s: "Is come to drown you-_sauve qui peut_!"


s: Crowns, fiddles, sceptres, decorations--


s: While--just like France herself, when she


s: Proclaims how great her naval skill is--


s: In short, I scarce could count a minute,


s: Kings, Fiddlers, Emperors, all were gone--


s: That Spanish Dance--that southern beam--


s: Raised to the throne, 'tis strange to see


s: Have chosen their Sovereigns by the weight;--


s: Some wisht them tall, some thought your Dumpy,


s: So that their Kings had _not_ red hair--


s: _This_ fault not even the greatest stickler


s: Which some men have to rule their fellows,


s: There's one which I shall here recite:--


s: Of these great persons' chins and noses,


s: Your Peers were decent--Knights, so so--


s: Or that the Queen (God bless her!) squinted--


s: That they were frights and He was beauteous.


s: And therefore did not _know themselves_.


s: Might strike them as more full of reason,


s: More fresh than those in certain places--


s: But, Lord, the very thought was treason!


s: Their rulers, too, themselves deceiving--


s: So old the joke, they thought 'twas true.


s: And forced that ship to founder there,--


s: And tried to break them at all hazards:--


s: And cried. "How _could_ such monstrous quizzes


s: They then wrote essays, pamphlets, books,


s: And small lampoons, so full of slynesses,


s: That soon, in short, they quite bedeviled


s: To spare some royal folks' sensations;--


s: That kings have neither rights nor noses


s: Yet, no--_not_ quenched--a treasure worth


s: Scarce had her fingers touched the torch.


s: Caught up the prize, tho' prostrate, stained,


s: Who thus in song their voices blended:--


s: "From GREECE thy earliest splendor came,


s: "When _dimmed_, revive, when lost, return,


s: "Till not a shrine thro' earth be found,


s: There's naught so much disturbs one's patience,


s: With a whole house upon their shoulders.


s: Small minds are _born_ into such places--


s: Would be what lawyers call _misprision_.


s: (Those sovereign lords in leading strings


s: Who, from their birth, are Faith-Defenders,)


s: That move my wrath--'tis your pretenders,


s: Who--not, like t'others, bores by birth,


s: Born with three kingdoms in their pockets--


s: Would scarce at Astley's hope to show off--


s: Untrained as are their minds, to set them


s: But leave we here these upstart things--


s: And even when they most condescended to teach,


s: They packt up their meaning, as they did their mummies,


s: In so many wrappers, 'twas out of one's reach.


s: They were also, good people, much given to Kings--


s: Fond of craft and of crocodiles, monkeys and mystery;


s: But blue-bottle flies were their best beloved things--


s: As will partly appear in this very short history.


s: A Scythian philosopher (nephew, they say,


s: To that other great traveller, young Anacharsis,)


s: To have a short peep at their mystical farces.


s: He saw a brisk blue-bottle Fly on an altar,


s: Made much of, and worshipt, as something divine;


s: While a large, handsome Bullock, led there in a halter,


s: Before it lay stabbed at the foot of the shrine.


s: Surprised at such doings, he whispered his teacher--


s: "Should a Bullock, that useful and powerful creature,


s: "Be thus offered up to a bluebottle Fly?"


s: "No wonder"--said t'other--"you stare at the sight,


s: "But we as a Symbol of Monarchy view it--


s: "That Fly on the shrine is Legitimate Right,


s: "And that Bullock, the People that's sacrificed to it."


s: unconnected with men's interests; and, if connected, it must


s: When CATHARINE, ere she crusht the Poles,


s: Some name _Dix-huit_, and some _Deshuitres_.)


s: Down the poor struggling Spaniards' throats--


s: I must, of course, like other men, bow,)


s: "Must Ireland's slaves be tithed, and taskt,


s: "That _you_ may roll in wealth and bliss?"


s: But then, if questioned, "Shall the brand


s: "Intolerance flings throughout that land,--


s: "Shall the fierce strife now taught to grow


s: "Be ever quenched?"--from the same shovels


s: (Choosing your time, when straw's before


s: To heaven or earth most turn their disks?


s: Twixt Church and State, a truck, a trade--


s: The extremes of _too_ much faith and none--


s: Rank ills with which this age is curst--


s: Which, not content to sting like devils,


s: And knockt whole scores of watchmen down.


s: While naught could they, whose heads were broke,


s: Meanwhile, the Friar, whose head was turned


s: Dealt much in pompous oaths and curses--


s: The Court of Common Sense, then sitting,


s: (As Courts must wrangle to decide well).


s: But _not_ to crack poor people's heads too.


s: A well-known publisher of irreligious books.


s: Lest, if her charms were seen, the students


s: Should let their young eyes wander o'er her,


s: In Thibet once there reigned, we're told,


s: Raised to the throne, that realm to bless,


s: Some say his _first_ tooth, some his _second_.


s: And would have given their heads, if wanted,


s: Of course, his faithful subjects' purses


s: And the land groaned with bibs and tuckers.


s: But short this calm;--for, just when he,


s: And' grew so mischievous, God bless him!


s: When in these moods, to comb or dress him.


s: Thro' thick and thin, for Kings to stickle,


s: Thought him (if they'd but speak their mind;


s: To which things went, combined their strength,


s: That made them almost sick to think of--


s: Throughout his measles and his chincough,


s: The alarm thus given, by these and other


s: Spread thro' the land, till, such a pother,


s: Have all behaved themselves _much_ better.


s: Nay, Colonels have been known to _reason_,--


s: Else--woe to Kings! when Freedom's fever


s: Was shockt to find he had, for neighbors,


s: Do what they will--so, one fine morning,


s: But, no--such fires are headstrong things,


s: At length when, spite of prayers and damns,


s: 'Twas found the sturdy flame defied him,


s: All kinds of fires,--from staring, stark


s: 'Twas right and fitting all things should.


s: And there, in rows, stood black and burnisht,


s: (At least, so thought he) dark, secure--


s: His wrath, his rage, when, on returning,


s: Brisk as before, crackling and burning,--


s: They, they--those trusty, blind machines


s: "What," said the great man, "must be done?"--


s: And, tho' their Fire had broke its bounds,


s: Yet well could they, who loved the flame,


s: Naught wanting, but some _coup_ dramatic,


s: What's to be done, to help the farce on?


s: (Quoting, to show what men's rights are,


s: Or rather what men's rights _should be_,


s: In which the Duke (who, bless his Highness!


s: Would show, when to _the point_ he came,)


s: (To help the affair with more _esprit_ on)


s: Used all that, for young Nap, he brought her.)


s: They have, says BRUCE (and BRUCE ne'er budges


s: From the strict truth), a Grand Quadrille


s: "Now (said the Viscount), there's but few


s: "Great Empires where this plan would do:


s: "What pains they would--'twere vain to strive--


s: "The twelve stiff Judges there would make


s: "_French_ Judges, tho', are, by no means,


s: "This sort of stiff, be-wigged machines;


s: "Nay, stand upon their heads, and more do,


s: Since that, which Monsieur planned, himself,


s: (An offering which, at Court, 'tis thought,


s: "That Wig" (said Monsieur, while his brow


s: "Behold, my friends"--(while thus he cried,


s: "_New frizzed_! alas, 'tis but too true,


s: "Well may you start at that word _new_--


s: "That _we_ too, much-wronged Bourbons, know


s: "Let recreant England arm and feed her,--


s: "France can have naught to fear--far from it--


s: "All's o'er with Spain--then on, my sons,


s: Dear DOLL, while the tails of our horses are plaiting,


s: The trunks tying on, and Papa, at the door,


s: Into very bad French is as usual translating


s: His English resolve not to give a _sou_ more,


s: I sit down to write you a line--only think!--


s: A letter from France, with French pens and French ink,


s: How delightful! tho', would you believe it, my dear?


s: I have seen nothing yet _very_ wonderful here;


s: No adventure, no sentiment, far as we've come,


s: But the cornfields and trees quite as dull as at home;


s: And _but_ for the post-boy, his boots and his queue,


s: I might _just_ as well be at Clonkilty with you!


s: In vain, at DESSEIN'S, did I take from my trunk


s: That divine fellow, STERNE, and fall reading "The Monk;"


s: In vain did I think of his charming Dead Ass,


s: And remember the crust and the wallet--alas!


s: No monks can be had now for love or for money,


s: (All owing, Pa says, to that infidel BONEY;)


s: And, tho' _one_ little Neddy we saw in our drive


s: Out of classical Nampont, the beast was alive!


s: By the by, tho' at Calais, Papa _had_ a touch


s: Of romance on the pier, which affected me much.


s: At the sight of that spot, where our darling DIXHUIT


s: Set the first of his own dear legitimate feet,


s: (Modelled out so exactly, and--God bless the mark!


s: 'Tis a foot, DOLLY, worthy so _Grand a Monarque_).


s: He exclaimed, "_Oh, mon Roi_!" and, with tear-dropping eye,


s: Stood to gaze on the spot--while some Jacobin, nigh,


s: Muttered out with a shrug (what an insolent thing!)


s: "_Ma foi_, he be right--'tis de Englishman's King;


s: And dat _gros pied de cochon_--begar me vil say


s: Dat de foot look mosh better, if turned toder way."


s: There's the pillar, too--Lord! I had nearly forgot--


s: What a charming idea!--raised close to the spot;


s: The mode being now, (as you've heard, I suppose,)


s: To build tombs over legs and raise pillars to toes.


s: This is all that's occurred sentimental as yet;


s: Except indeed some little flower-nymphs we've met,


s: Who disturb one's romance with pecuniary views,


s: Flinging flowers in your path, and then--bawling for _sous_!


s: And some picturesque beggars, whose multitudes seem


s: To recall the good days of the _ancien regime_,


s: All as ragged and brisk, you'll be happy to learn,


s: And as thin as they were in the time of poor STERNE.


s: Our party consists (in a neat Calais job)


s: You remember how sheepish BOB lookt at Kilrandy,


s: But, Lord! he's quite altered--they've made him a Dandy;


s: A thing, you know, whiskered, great-coated, and laced,


s: Like an hour-glass, exceedingly small in the waist;


s: Quite a new sort of creatures, unknown yet to scholars,


s: With beads so immovably stuck in shirt-collars,


s: That seats, like our music-stools, soon must be found them,


s: To twirl, when the creatures may wish, to look round them,


s: In short, dear, "a Dandy" describes what I mean,


s: And BOB's far the best of the _genus_ I've seen:


s: An improving young man, fond of learning, ambitious,


s: And goes now to Paris to study French dishes.


s: Whose names--think, how quick! he already knows pat,


s: They inflict on potatoes?--oh! _maître d'hôtel_--


s: I assure you, dear DOLLY, he knows them as well


s: As if nothing else all his life he had eat,


s: Tho' a bit of them BOBBY has never touched yet;


s: But just knows the names of French dishes and cooks,


s: As dear Pa knows the titles of authors and books.


s: As to Pa, what d' ye think?--mind, it's all _entre nous_,


s: But you know, love, I never keep secrets from you--


s: Why, he's writing a book--what! a tale? a romance?


s: No, we Gods, would it were!--but his travels in France;


s: At the special desire (he let out t'other day)


s: Of his great friend and patron, my Lord CASTLEREAGH,


s: Who said, "My dear FUDGE"--I forget the exact words,


s: And, it's strange, no one ever remembers my Lord's;


s: But 'twas something to say that, as all must allow


s: A good orthodox work is much wanting just now,


s: To expound to the world the new--thingummie--science,


s: Found out by the--what's-its-name--Holy Alliance,


s: And prove to mankind that their rights are but folly,


s: Their freedom a joke (which it _is_, you know, DOLLY),


s: "There's none," said his Lordship, "if _I_ may be judge,


s: Half so fit for this great undertaking as FUDGE!"


s: The matter's soon, settled--Pa flies to _the Row_


s: (The _first_ stage your tourists now usually go),


s: Settles all for his quarto--advertisements, praises--


s: Starts post from the door, with his tablets--French phrases--


s: "SCOTT'S Visit" of course--in short, everything _he_ has


s: An author can want, except words and ideas:--


s: And, lo! the first thing, in the spring of the year,


s: Is PHIL. FUDGE at the front of a Quarto, my dear!


s: But, bless me, my paper's near out, so I'd better


s: Draw fast to a close:--this exceeding long letter


s: You owe to a _déjeûner à la fourchette_,


s: Which BOBBY _would_ have, and is hard at it yet.--


s: What's next? oh? the tutor, the last of the party,


s: Young CONNOR:--they say he's so like BONAPARTE,


s: His nose and his chin--which Papa rather dreads,


s: As the Bourbons, you know, are suppressing all heads


s: That resemble old NAP'S, and who knows but their honors


s: May think, in their fright, of suppressing poor CONNOR'S?


s: _Au reste_ (as we say), the young lad's well enough,


s: Only talks much of Athens, Rome, virtue and stuff;


s: A third cousin of ours, by the way--poor as Job


s: (Tho' of royal descent by the side of Mamma),


s: And for charity made private tutor to BOB;


s: _Entre nous_, too, a Papist--how liberal of Pa!


s: This is all, dear,--forgive me for breaking off thus,


s: But BOB'S _déjeûner_'s done, and Papa's in a fuss.


s: How provoking of Pa! he will not let me stop


s: Just to run in and rummage some milliner's shop;


s: And my _début_ in Paris, I blush to think on it,


s: Must now, DOLL, be made in a hideous low bonnet.


s: But Paris, dear Paris!--oh, _there_ will be joy,


s: And romance, and high bonnets, and Madame Le Roi!


s: To commemorate the landing of Louis le Désiré from England,


s: The throne was turned quite topsy-turvy,


s: Where (still to use your Lordship's tropes)


s: One special good your Lordship traces,--


s: The _Ministers_ still keep their places.


s: I've thought of thee and of thy glories,


s: And marvelling with what powers of breath


s: Next speeched to Sovereign's ears,--and when


s: There's one thou shouldst be chiefly pleased at--


s: And CASTLEREAGH'S the thing now sneezed at!


s: But hold, my pen!--a truce to praising--


s: (As _thou_ wouldst say, my guide and teacher


s: _Will_ prove that all the world, at present,


s: Should fall, if left there _loney-poney_;--


s: Transferred by contract, bless the clods!


s: If half were strangled--Spaniards, Poles,


s: And Frenchmen--'twouldn't make much odds,


s: Might come and nine times knock their noddles!--


s: _"Jul. thirty-first_.--Went, after snack,


s: "Was shown the tomb where lay, so stately,


s: "Thrice high and puissant, we were told,


s: But BIDDY said she thought 'twould look!


s: Some favor with our friends at MURRAY'S,


s: It would be an edifying thing to write a history of the private


s: See the _Quarterly Review_ for May, 1816 where Mr. Hobhouse is


s: Your Logic and Greek, but there's nothing like feeding;


s: Of all places on earth--the headquarters of Prog!


s: Talk of England--her famed _Magna Charta_, I swear, is


s: A humbug, a flam, to the Carte at old VÉRY'S;


s: And as for your Juries--_who_ would not set o'er 'em


s: A Jury of Tasters, with woodcocks before 'em?


s: Give CARTWRIGHT his Parliaments, fresh every year;


s: But those friends of _short Commons_ would never do here;


s: And, let ROMILLY speak as he will on the question.


s: No Digest of Law's like the laws of digestion!


s: 'Tis the mode--your Legitimates always get fat.


s: There's the REGENT, there's LOUIS--and BONEY tried too,


s: But, tho' somewhat imperial in paunch, 'twouldn't do:--


s: He improved indeed much in this point when he wed,


s: But he ne'er grew right royally fat _in the head_.


s: As my raptures may bore you, I'll just sketch a Day,


s: As we pass it, myself and some comrades I've got,


s: All thorough-bred _Gnostics_, who know what is what.


s: After dreaming some hours of the land of Cocaigne,


s: That Elysium of all that is _friand_ and nice,


s: Where for hail they have _bon-bons_, and claret for rain,


s: And the skaters in winter show off on _cream_-ice;


s: Where so ready all nature its cookery yields,


s: _Macaroni au parmesan_ grows in the fields;


s: Little birds fly about with the true pheasant taint,


s: And the geese are all born with a liver complaint!


s: I rise--put on neck-cloth--stiff, tight, as can be--


s: Should have his neck tied up, you know--there's no doubt of it--


s: Almost as tight as _some_ lads who _go out of it_.


s: With whiskers well oiled, and with boots that "hold up


s: "The mirror to nature"--so bright you could sup


s: Off the leather like china; with coat, too, that draws


s: On the tailor, who suffers, a martyr's applause!--


s: With head bridled up, like a four-in-hand leader,


s: And stays--devil's in them--too tight for a feeder,


s: I strut to the old Café Hardy, which yet


s: Beats the field at a _déjeûner a la fourchette_.


s: Of a breakfast in England, your curst tea and toast;


s: But a side-board, you dog, where one's eye roves about,


s: Like a turk's in the Haram, and thence singles out


s: One's pâté of larks, just to tune up the throat,


s: One's small limbs of chickens, done _en papillote_.


s: One's erudite cutlets, drest all ways but plain,


s: Then, some glasses of _Beaune_, to dilute--or, mayhap,


s: _Chambertin_,which you know's the pet tipple of NAP,


s: And which Dad, by the by, that legitimate stickler,


s: Much scruples to taste, but I'm not so partic'lar.--


s: The coffee's ne'er-failing and glorious appendix,


s: (If books had but such, my old Grecian, depend on't,


s: I'd swallow e'en Watkins', for sake of the end on't,)


s: A neat glass of _parfait-amour_, which one sips


s: Just as if bottled velvet tipt over one's lips.


s: This repast being ended, and _paid for_--(how odd!


s: Till a man's used to paying, there's something so queer in't!)--


s: The sun now well out, and the girls all abroad,


s: And the world enough aired for us Nobs to appear in't,


s: The turn-outs, we meet--what a nation of quizzes!


s: Here toddles along some old figure of fun,


s: With a coat you might date Anno Domini 1.;


s: A laced hat, worsted stockings, and--noble old soul!


s: A fine ribbon and cross in his best button-hole;


s: Just such as our PRINCE, who nor reason nor fun dreads,


s: Inflicts, without even a court-martial, on hundreds.


s: Here trips a _grisette_, with a fond, roguish eye,


s: (Rather eatable things these _grisettes_, by the by);


s: And there an old _demoiselle_, almost as fond,


s: In a silk that has stood since the time of the Fronde.


s: We've seen about WHITE'S--the Mounseers are but rum ones;


s: Such hats!--fit for monkies--I'd back Mrs. DRAPER


s: To cut neater weather-boards out of brown paper:


s: And coats--how I wish, if it wouldn't distress 'em,


s: They'd club for old BRUMMEL, from Calais, to dress 'em!


s: The collar sticks out from the neck such a space,


s: That you'd swear 'twas the plan of this head-lopping nation,


s: To leave there behind them a snug little place


s: For the head to drop into, on decapitation.


s: In short, what with mountebanks, counts and friseurs,


s: _Some_ mummers by trade and the rest amateurs--


s: What with captains in new jockey-boots and silk breeches,


s: Old dustmen with swinging great opera-hats,


s: And shoeblacks, reclining by statues in niches,


s: There never was seen such a race of Jack Sprats!


s: From the Boulevards--but hearken!--yes--as I'm a sinner,


s: The clock is just striking the half-hour to dinner:


s: So _no_ more at present--short time for adorning--


s: My Day must be finisht some other fine morning.


s: Now, hey for old BEAUVILLIERS'S larder, my boy!


s: And, once _there_, if the Goddess of Beauty and Joy


s: Were to write "Come and kiss me, dear BOB!" I'd not budge--


s: The Bill of Fare.--Véry, a well-known _Restaurateur_.


s: "Return!"--no, never, while the withering hand


s: While, for the faith my fathers held to God,


s: Even in the fields where free those fathers trod,


s: I am proscribed, and--like the spot left bare


s: In Israel's halls, to tell the proud and fair


s: Amidst their mirth, that Slavery had been there--


s: On all I love, home, parents, friends, I trace


s: The mournful mark of bondage and disgrace!


s: No!--let _them_ stay, who in their country's pangs


s: See naught but food for factions and harangues;


s: Who yearly kneel before their masters' doors


s: And hawk their wrongs, as beggars do their sores:


s: Still let your .       .       .       .


s: Still hope and suffer, all who can!--but I,


s: Who durst not hope, and cannot bear, must fly.


s: But whither?--every where the scourge pursues--


s: Turn where he will, the wretched wanderer views,


s: In the bright, broken hopes of all his race,


s: Countless reflections of the Oppressor's face.


s: Every where gallant hearts and spirits true,


s: Are served up victims to the vile and few;


s: While England, every where--the general foe


s: Of Truth and Freedom, wheresoe'er they glow--


s: Is first, when tyrants strike, to aid the blow.


s: Oh, England! could such poor revenge atone


s: For wrongs, that well might claim the deadliest one;


s: Were it a vengeance, sweet enough to sate


s: The wretch who flies from thy intolerant hate,


s: To hear his curses on such barbarous sway


s: Echoed, where'er he bends his cheerless way;--


s: Could _this_ content him, every lip he meets


s: Teems for his vengeance with such poisonous sweets;


s: Were _this_ his luxury, never is thy name


s: Pronounced, but he doth banquet on thy shame;


s: Upon that grasping power, that selfish pride,


s: Which vaunts its own and scorns all rights beside;


s: That low and desperate envy which to blast


s: A neighbor's blessings risks the few thou hast;--


s: That monster, Self, too gross to be concealed,


s: Which ever lurks behind thy proffered shield;--


s: That faithless craft, which, in thy hour of need,


s: Can court the slave, can swear he shall be freed,


s: Yet basely spurns him, when thy point is gained,


s: Back to his masters, ready gagged and chained!


s: That royal, ravening flock, whose vampire wings


s: O'er sleeping Europe treacherously brood,


s: And fan her into dreams of promist good,


s: Of hope, of freedom--but to drain her blood!


s: If _thus_ to hear thee branded be a bliss


s: That Vengeance loves, there's yet more sweet than this,


s: That 'twas an Irish head, an Irish heart,


s: Made thee the fallen and tarnisht thing thou art;


s: That, as the centaur gave the infected vest


s: In which he died, to rack his conqueror's breast,


s: We sent thee CASTLEREAGH:--as heaps of dead


s: Have slain their slayers by the pest they spread,


s: So hath our land breathed out, thy fame to dim,


s: Thy strength to waste and rot thee soul and limb,


s: Her worst infections all condensed in him!


s: When will the world shake off such yokes? oh, when


s: Will that redeeming day shine out on men,


s: That shall behold them rise, erect and free


s: As Heaven and Nature meant mankind should be!


s: To the vile pagod things, that o'er her brow,


s: Like him of Jaghernaut, drive trampling now;


s: Nor Conquest dare to desolate God's earth;


s: Nor drunken Victory, with a NERO'S mirth,


s: Strike her lewd harp amidst a people's groans;--


s: But, built on love, the world's exalted thrones


s: Shall to the virtuous and the wise be given--


s: Those bright, those sole Legitimates of Heaven!


s: _When_ will this be?--or, oh! is it, in truth,


s: But one of those sweet, day-break dreams of youth,


s: In which the Soul, as round her morning springs,


s: 'Twixt sleep and waking, see such dazzling things!


s: And must the hope, as vain as it is bright,


s: Be all resigned?--and are _they_ only right,


s: Who say this world of thinking souls was made


s: To be by Kings partitioned, truckt and weighed


s: In scales that, ever since the world begun,


s: Have counted millions but as dust to one?


s: Are _they_ the only wise, who laugh to scorn


s: The rights, the freedom to which man was born?


s: Who, proud to kiss each separate rod of power,


s: Bless, while he reigns, the minion of the hour;


s: Worship each would-be god, that o'er them moves,


s: And take the thundering of his brass for JOVE'S!


s: If _this_ be wisdom, then farewell, my books,


s: Farewell, ye shrines of old, ye classic brooks.


s: Which fed my soul with currents, pure and fair,


s: Of living Truth that now must stagnate there!--


s: Instead of themes that touch the lyre with light,


s: Instead of Greece and her immortal fight


s: For Liberty which once awaked my strings,


s: Who, bolder' even than He of Sparta's land,


s: Against whole millions, panting to be free,


s: Would guard the pass of right line tyranny.


s: Instead of him, the Athenian bard whose blade


s: Had stood the onset which his pen portrayed,


s: Such names should mingle!--welcome Castlereagh!


s: Here break we off, at this unhallowed name.


s: Like priests of old, when words ill-omened came.


s: My next shall tell thee, bitterly shall tell.


s: Thoughts that  .       .       .       .


s: Thoughts that--could patience hold--'twere wiser far


s: To leave still hid and burning where they are.


s: "They used to leave a square yard of the wall of the house


s: What a time since I wrote!--I'm a sad, naughty girl--


s: For, tho' like a tee-totum, I'm all in a twirl;--


s: Yet even (as you wittily say) a tee-totum


s: Between all its twirls gives a _letter_ to note 'em.


s: But, Lord, such a place! and then, DOLLY, my dresses,


s: My gowns, so divine!--there's no language expresses,


s: Except just the _two_ words "_superbe_, _magnifique_,"


s: The trimmings of that which I had home last week!


s: It is called--I forget--_à la_--something which sounded


s: Like _alicampane_--but in truth I'm confounded


s: And bothered, my dear, 'twixt that troublesome boy's


s: (BOB'S) cookery language, and Madame LE ROI'S:


s: What with fillets of roses, and fillets of veal,


s: Things _garni_ with lace, and things _garni_ with eel,


s: One's hair and one's cutlets both _en papillote_,


s: And a thousand more things I shall ne'er have by rote,


s: I can scarce tell the difference, at least as to phrase,


s: Between beef _à la Psyche_ and curls _à la braise_.--


s: But in short, dear, I'm trickt out quite _à la Francaise_,


s: With my bonnet--so beautiful!--high up and poking,


s: Like things that are put to keep chimneys from smoking.


s: Where _shall_ I begin with the endless delights


s: Of this Eden of milliners, monkeys and sights--


s: This dear busy place, where there's nothing transacting


s: But dressing and dinnering, dancing and acting?


s: Brother BOBBY'S remark, t'other night, was a true one:--


s: "This _must_ be the music," said he, "of the _spears_,


s: For I'm curst if each note of it doesnt run thro' one!"


s: Pa says (and you know, love, his Book's to make out


s: 'Twas the Jacobins brought every mischief about)


s: That this passion for roaring has come in of late,


s: Since the rabble all tried for a _voice_ in the State.--


s: What a frightful idea, one's mind to o'erwhelm!


s: What a chorus, dear DOLLY, would soon be let loose of it,


s: Had a voice like old LAIS, and chose to make use of it!


s: No--never was known in this riotous sphere


s: Such a breach of the peace as their singing, my dear.


s: So bad too, you'd swear that the God of both arts,


s: For setting a loud fit of asthma in parts,


s: And composing a fine rumbling bass to a cholic!


s: But, the dancing--_ah parlez-moi_, DOLLY, _de ca_--


s: There, _indeed_, is a treat that charms all but Papa.


s: Such beauty--such grace--oh ye sylphs of romance!


s: Fly, fly to TITANIA, and ask her if _she_ has


s: One light-footed nymph in her train, that can dance


s: Like divine BIGOTTINI and sweet FANNY BIAS!


s: FANNY BIAS in FLORA--dear creature!--you'd swear,


s: When her delicate feet in the dance twinkle round,


s: That her steps are of light, that her home is the air,


s: And she only _par complaisance_ touches the ground.


s: Her black flowing hair, and by daemons is driven,


s: Oh! who does not envy those rude little devils,


s: That hold her and hug her, and keep her from heaven?


s: Then, the music--so softly its cadences die,


s: So divinely--oh, DOLLY! between you and I,


s: It's as well for my peace that there's nobody nigh


s: To make love to me then--_you've_ a soul, and can judge


s: What a crisis 'twould be for your friend BIDDY FUDGE!


s: The next place (which BOBBY has near lost his heart in)


s: They call it the Play-house--I think--of St. Martin;


s: Quite charming--and _very_ religious--what folly


s: To say that the French are not pious, dear DOLLY,


s: Where here one beholds, so correctly and rightly,


s: The Testament turned into melodrames nightly;


s: And doubtless so fond they're of scriptural facts,


s: They will soon get the Pentateuch up in five acts.


s: Here DANIEL, in pantomime, bids bold defiance


s: To NEBUCHADNEZZAR and all his stuft lions,


s: While pretty young Israelites dance round the Prophet,


s: In very thin clothing, and _but_ little of it;--


s: Here BEGRAND, who shines in this scriptural path,


s: As the lovely SUSANNA, without even a relic


s: Of drapery round her, comes out of the bath


s: In a manner that, BOB says, is quite _Eve-angelic_!


s: But in short, dear, 'twould take me a month to recite


s: All the exquisite places we're at, day and night;


s: And, besides, ere I finish, I think you'll be glad


s: Just to hear one delightful adventure I've had.


s: Last night, at the Beaujon, a place where--I doubt


s: If its charms I can paint--there are cars, that set out


s: From a lighted pavilion, high up in the air,


s: And rattle you down, DOLL--you hardly know where.


s: These vehicles, mind me, in which you go thro'


s: This delightfully dangerous journey, hold _two_,


s: Some cavalier asks, with humility, whether


s: You'll venture down _with_ him--you smile--'tis a match;


s: In an instant you're seated, and down both together


s: Go thundering, as if you went post to old scratch!


s: Well, it was but last night, as I stood and remarkt


s: On the looks and odd ways of the girls who embarkt,


s: The impatience of some for the perilous flight,


s: The forced giggle of others, 'twixt pleasure and fright,--


s: That, there came up--imagine, dear DOLL, if you can--


s: A fine sallow, sublime, sort of Werterfaced man,


s: With mustachios that gave (what we read of so oft)


s: The dear Corsair expression, half savage, half soft,


s: As Hyenas in love may be fancied to look, or


s: A something between ABELARD and old BLUCHER!


s: Up he came, DOLL, to me, and uncovering his head,


s: (Rather bald, but so warlike!) in bad English said,


s: "Ah! my dear--if Ma'mselle vil be so very good--


s: Just for von littel course"--tho' I scarce understood


s: What he wisht me to do, I said, thank him, I would.


s: Off we set--and, tho' 'faith, dear, I hardly knew whether


s: My head or my heels were the uppermost then,


s: For 'twas like heaven and earth, DOLLY, coming together,--


s: Yet, spite of the danger, we dared it again.


s: And oh! as I gazed on the features and air


s: Of the man, who for me all this peril defied,


s: I could fancy almost he and I were a pair


s: Of unhappy young lovers, who thus, side by side,


s: Were taking, instead of rope, pistol, or dagger, a


s: Desperate dash down the falls of Niagara!


s: This achieved, thro' the gardens we sauntered about,


s: Saw the fire-works, exclaimed "_magnifique_!" at each cracker,


s: And, when 'twas all o'er, the dear man saw us out


s: With the air I _will_ say, of a Prince, to our _fiacre_.


s: Now, hear me--this Stranger,--it may be mere folly--


s: But _who_ do you think we all think it is, DOLLY?


s: Why, bless you, no less than the great King of Prussia,


s: Who's here now incog.--he, who made so much fuss, you


s: Remember, in London, with BLUCHER and PLATOF,


s: When SAL was near kissing old BLUCHER'S cravat off!


s: Pa says he's come here to look after his money,


s: (Not taking things now as he used under BONEY,)


s: Which suits with our friend, for BOB saw him, he swore,


s: Looking sharp to the silver received at the door.


s: Besides, too, they say that his grief for his Queen


s: (Which was plain in this sweet fellow's face to be seen)


s: Requires such a stimulant dose as this car is,


s: Used three times a day with young ladies in Paris.


s: Some Doctor, indeed, has declared that such grief


s: Should--unless 'twould to utter despairing its folly push--


s: Fly to the Beaujon, and there seek relief


s: By rattling, as BOB says, "like shot thro' a holly-bush."


s: I must now bid adieu;--only think, DOLLY, think


s: If this _should_ be the King--I have scarce slept a wink


s: With imagining how it will sound in the papers,


s: And how all the Misses my good luck will grudge,


s: When they read that Count RUPPIN, to drive away vapors,


s: Has gone down the Beaujon with Miss BIDDY FUDGE.


s: _Nota Bene_.--Papa's almost certain 'tis he--


s: For he knows the Legitimate cut and could see,


s: In the way he went poising and managed to tower


s: So erect in the car, the true _Balance of Power_.


s: A piece very popular last year, called "_Daniel, ou La Fosse aux


s: His Majesty, who was at Paris under the travelling name of Count


s: Thanks, for the hint, my trusty brother!


s: Called "Down with Kings, or, Who'd have thought it?"


s: Bless you! the Book's long dead and gone,--


s: Not even the Attorney-General bought it.


s: We proselytes, that come with news full,


s: REYNOLDS and I--(you know TOM REYNOLDS--


s: Friends whom his Lordship keeps in store,


s: Gem'men, who touched the Treasury glisteners,


s: "And wherefore," said this best of Peers,


s: With three times three illustrious cheers,


s: Which made the room resound like thunder--


s: This touch at our old friends, the Whigs,


s: Of course dont rank with us _salvators_,


s: Like Knights, too, we've our _collar_ days,


s: The REGENT'S buff-and-blue coats _turned_--


s: Your WEMYS, VAUGHANS,--half-fledged sinners,


s: _Not_ things as mute as Punch, when bought,


s: Whose wooden heads are all they've brought;


s: Who, false enough to shirk their friends,


s: This serves to nurse the ratting spirit;


s: And, formed for all, as best may please,


s: For whips and bolts, or chords and keys,


s: While CANNING, who'd be _first_ by choice,


s: Then hang the fools who found them after.


s: (Delicious thought!) and had it shot at,


s: In this new, _loyal_, course I've taken.


s: But, bless your heart! you need not doubt--


s: And while they think, the precious ninnies,


s: He's counting o'er their pulse so steady,


s: He's fobbed for that day's work already.


s: So generous are, when they call _him_ in,


s: In short, there's nothing now like JACK!--


s: With which you played the patriot's part,


s: Till something good and snug should offer;--


s: The _enlightening_ part of candle-snuffer,


s: _Who_ shall describe thy powers of face,


s: How full of hope, and wealth, and strength,


s: As, thank the Fates, they do at present--


s: When England's wisest statesmen, judges,


s: It was not under wigs, but tiaras, that King Midas endeavored to


s: _Turn instantly_--a frequent direction in music-books.


s: Before we sketch the Present--let us cast


s: A few, short, rapid glances to the Past.


s: When he, who had defied all Europe's strength,


s: Beneath his own weak rashness sunk at length;--


s: When, loosed as if by magic from a chain


s: That seemed like Fate's the world was free again,


s: The cause of Kings, _for once_, the cause of Right;--


s: Then was, indeed, an hour of joy to those


s: Who sighed for justice--liberty--repose,


s: And hoped the fall of _one_ great vulture's nest


s: Would ring its warning round, and scare the rest.


s: All then was bright with promise;--Kings began


s: And man was grateful; Patriots of the South


s: Caught wisdom from a Cossack Emperor's mouth,


s: And heard, like accents thawed in Northern air,


s: Unwonted words of freedom burst forth there!


s: Who did not hope, in that triumphant time,


s: When monarchs, after years of spoil and crime,


s: Met round the shrine of Peace, and Heaven lookt on;--


s: _Who_ did not hope the lust of spoil was gone;


s: That that rapacious spirit, which had played


s: The game of Pilnitz o'er so oft, was laid;


s: And Europe's Rulers, conscious of the past,


s: Would blush and deviate into right at last?


s: But no--the hearts, that nurst a hope so fair,


s: Had yet to learn what men on thrones can dare;


s: Had yet to know, of all earth's ravening things,


s: Scarce had they met when, to its nature true,


s: The instinct of their race broke out anew;


s: Promises, treaties, charters, all were vain,


s: And "Rapine! rapine!" was the cry again.


s: How quick they carved their victims, and how well,


s: Let all the human stock that, day by day,


s: Was, at that Royal slave-mart, truckt away,--


s: The million souls that, in the face of heaven,


s: Were split to fractions, bartered, sold or given


s: To swell some despot Power, too huge before,


s: And weigh down Europe with one Mammoth more.


s: How safe the faith of Kings let France decide;--


s: Her charter broken, ere its ink had dried;--


s: Her Press enthralled--her Reason mockt again


s: With all the monkery it had spurned in vain;


s: Her crown disgraced by one, who dared to own


s: He thankt not France but England for his throne;


s: Her triumphs cast into the shade by those,


s: Who had grown old among her bitterest foes,


s: And now returned, beneath her conqueror's shields,


s: Unblushing slaves! to claim her heroes' fields;


s: And curse that glory which to them was shame!--


s: Let these--let all the damning deeds, that then


s: Were dared thro' Europe, cry aloud to men,


s: With voice like that of crashing ice that rings


s: Round Alpine huts, the perfidy of Kings;


s: And tell the world, when hawks shall harmless bear


s: The shrinking dove, when wolves shall learn to spare


s: The helpless victim for whose blood they lusted,


s: Then and then only monarchs may be trusted.


s: It could not last--these horrors _could_ not last--


s: France would herself have risen in might to cast


s: The insulters off--and oh! that then as now,


s: Chained to some distant islet's rocky brow,


s: NAPOLEON ne'er had come to force, to blight,


s: Ere half matured, a cause so proudly bright;--


s: To palsy patriot arts with doubt and shame,


s: And write on Freedom's flag a despot's name;--


s: And make the stake of _all_ the game of _one_!


s: Then would the world have seen again what power


s: A people can put forth in Freedom's hour;


s: Then would the fire of France once more have blazed;--


s: For every single sword, reluctant raised


s: In the stale cause of an oppressive throne,


s: Millions would then have leaped forth in her own;


s: Of Bourbon feet disgraced her shores again.


s: But fate decreed not so--the Imperial Bird,


s: That, in his neighboring cage, unfeared, unstirred,


s: Had seemed to sleep with head beneath his wing,


s: Yet watched the moment for a daring spring;--


s: Well might he watch, when deeds were done, that made


s: His own transgressions whiten in their shade;


s: Well might he hope a world thus trampled o'er


s: By clumsy tyrants would be his once more:--


s: Forth from his cage the eagle burst; to light,


s: From steeple on to steeple winged his flight,


s: With calm and easy grandeur, to that throne


s: From which a Royal craven just had flown;


s: And resting there, as in his eyry, furled


s: Those wings, whose very rustling shook the world!


s: What was your fury then, ye crowned array,


s: Whose feast of spoil, whose plundering holiday


s: Was thus broke up, in all its greedy mirth,


s: By one bold chieftain's stamp on Gallic earth!


s: Fierce was the cry, and fulminant the ban,--


s: "Assassinate, who will--enchain, who can,


s: "The vile, the faithless, outlawed, lowborn man!"


s: "Faithless!"--and this from _you_--from _you_, forsooth,


s: Whose honesty all knew, for all had tried;


s: Whose true Swiss zeal had served on every side;


s: Whose fame for breaking faith so long was known,


s: Well might ye claim the craft as all your own,


s: And lash your lordly tails and fume to see


s: To sin for ever, and yet ne'er do wrong,--


s: The frauds, the lies of Lords legitimate


s: Are but fine policy, deep strokes of state;


s: But let some upstart dare to soar so high


s: In Kingly craft, and "outlaw" is the cry!


s: What, tho' long years of mutual treachery


s: Had peopled full your diplomatic shelves


s: With ghosts of treaties, murdered 'mong yourselves;


s: Tho' each by turns was knave and dupe--what then?


s: A holy League would set all straight again;


s: In some blest fountain made as good as new!


s: Most faithful Russia--faithful to whoe'er


s: Could plunder best and give him amplest share;


s: Who, even when vanquisht, sure to gain his ends,


s: For want of _foes_ to rob, made free with _friends_,


s: And, deepening still by amiable gradations,


s: When foes were stript of all, then fleeced relations!


s: Most mild and saintly Prussia--steeped to the ears


s: And now, with all her harpy wings outspread


s: Pure Austria too--whose history naught repeats


s: But broken leagues and subsidized defeats;


s: Whose faith, as Prince, extinguisht Venice shows,


s: Whose faith, as man, a widowed daughter knows!


s: And thou, oh England--who, tho' once as shy


s: As cloistered maids, of shame or perfidy,


s: Art now _broke in_, and, thanks to CASTLEREAGH,


s: In all that's worst and falsest lead'st the way!


s: Such was the pure divan, whose pens and wits


s: The escape from Elba frightened into fits;--


s: Such were the saints, who doomed NAPOLEON'S life,


s: In virtuous frenzy, to the assassin's knife.


s: Disgusting crew!--_who_ would not gladly fly


s: To honest guilt, that dares do all but lie,


s: From the false, juggling craft of men like these,


s: Their canting crimes and varnisht villanies;--


s: These Holy Leaguers, who then loudest boast


s: Of faith and honor, when they've stained them most;


s: From whose affection men should shrink as loath


s: As from their hate, for they'll be fleeced by both;


s: Who, even while plundering, forge Religion's name


s: To frank their spoil, and without fear or shame


s: Partition leagues and deeds of devilishness!


s: But hold--enough--soon would this swell of rage


s: O'erflow the boundaries of my scanty page;--


s: So, here I pause--farewell--another day,


s: Return we to those Lords of prayer and prey,


s: Whose loathsome cant, whose frauds by right divine,


s: Deserve a lash--oh! weightier far than mine!


s: Napoleon's Proclamation on landing from Elba.


s: At the Peace of Tilsit, where he abandoned his ally, Prussia, to


s: The seizure of Finland from his relative of Sweden.


s: Which I _knew_ would go smash with me one of these days,


s: And, at yesterday's dinner, when, full to the throttle,


s: We lads had begun our dessert with a bottle


s: Of neat old Constantia, on _my_ leaning back


s: Just to order another, by Jove, I went crack!--


s: Or, as honest TOM said, in his nautical phrase,


s: "Damn my eyes, BOB, in _doubling_ the _Cape_ you've _missed


s: So, of course, as no gentleman's seen out without them,


s: They're now at the _Schneider's_--and, while he's about them,


s: Here goes for a letter, post-haste, neck and crop.


s: Let us see--in my last I was--where did I stop?


s: Oh! I know--at the Boulevards, as motley a road as


s: Man ever would wish a day's lounging upon;


s: With its cafés and gardens, hotels and pagodas,


s: Its founts and old Counts sipping beer in the sun:


s: With its houses of all architectures you please,


s: To the pure Hottentot or the Brighton Chinese;


s: Where in temples antique you may breakfast or dinner it,


s: Lunch at a mosque and see Punch from a minaret.


s: Of foliage and frippery, _fiacres_ and flowers,


s: Green-grocers, green gardens--one hardly knows whether


s: 'Tis country or town, they're so messed up together!


s: And there, if one loves the romantic, one sees


s: Or Quidnuncs, on Sunday, just fresh from the barber's,


s: Enjoying their news and _groseille_ in those arbors;


s: While gayly their wigs, like the tendrils, are curling,


s: And founts of red currant-juice round them are purling.


s: And receive a few civil "Goddems" by the way,--


s: For, 'tis odd, these mounseers,--tho' we've wasted our wealth


s: And our strength, till we've thrown ourselves into a phthisic;--


s: To cram down their throats an old King for their health.


s: As we whip little children to make them take physic;--


s: Yet, spite of our good-natured money and slaughter,


s: They hate us, as Beelzebub hates holy-water!


s: Neatly as now, and good cookery flourishes--


s: Long as, by bayonets protected, we Natties


s: May have our full fling at their _salmis_ and _pâtés_?


s: And, truly, I always declared 'twould be pity


s: To burn to the ground such a choice-feeding city.


s: Had _Dad_  but his way, he'd have long ago blown


s: The whole batch to old Nick--and the _people_, I own,


s: If for no other cause than their curst monkey looks,


s: Well deserve a blow-up--but then, damn it, their Cooks!


s: As to Marshals, and Statesmen, and all their whole lineage,


s: For aught that _I_ care, you may knock them to spinage;


s: What a void in the world would their art leave behind!


s: Their chronometer spits--their intense salamanders--


s: Their ovens--their pots, that can soften old ganders,


s: All vanisht for ever,--their miracles o'er,


s: And the _Marmite Perpétuelle_ bubbling no more!


s: Take whatever ye fancy--take statues, take money--


s: But leave them, oh leave them, their Perigueux pies,


s: Their glorious goose-livers and high pickled tunny!


s: Tho' many, I own, are the evils they've brought us,


s: Tho' Royalty's here on her very last legs,


s: Yet who can help loving the land that has taught us


s: Six hundred and eighty-five ways to dress eggs?


s: _"Coquin Anglais," et cetera_--how generous I am!


s: And now (to return, once again, to my "Day,"


s: Which will take us all night to get  thro' in this way.)


s: From the Boulevards we saunter thro' many a street,


s: Crack jokes on the natives--mine, all very neat--


s: Leave the Signs of the Times to political fops,


s: And find _twice_ as much fun in the Signs of the Shops;--


s: _Here_, a Louis Dix-huit--_there_, a Martinmas goose,


s: (Much in vogue since your eagles are gone out of use)--


s: Henri Quatres in shoals, and of Gods a great many,


s: But Saints are the most on hard duty of any:--


s: St. TONY, who used all temptations to spurn,


s: _Here_ hangs o'er a beer-shop, and tempts in his turn;


s: While _there_ St. VENECIA sits hemming and frilling her


s: Holy _mouchoir_ o'er the door of some milliner;--


s: Saint AUSTIN'S the "outward and visible sign


s: "Of an inward" cheap dinner, and pint of small wine;


s: While St. DENYS hangs out o'er some hatter of _ton_,


s: And possessing, good bishop, no head of his own,


s: Takes an interest in Dandies, who've got--next to none!


s: Then we stare into shops--read the evening's _affiches_--


s: Or, if some, who're Lotharios in feeding, should wish


s: Just to flirt with a luncheon, (a devilish bad trick,


s: To the _Passage des_--what d'ye call't--_des Panoramas_


s: We quicken our pace, and there heartily cram as


s: Seducing young _pâtés_, as ever could cozen


s: One out of one's appetite, down by the dozen.


s: The _next_ we've our lunch with the Gauffrier Hollandais,


s: That popular artist, who brings out, like SCOTT,


s: His delightful productions so quick, hot and hot;


s: Not the worse for the exquisite comment that follows,--


s: Divine _maresquino_, which--Lord, how one swallows!


s: Once more, then, we saunter forth after our snack, or


s: Subscribe a few francs for the price of a _fiacre_,


s: And drive far away to the old _Montagnes Russes_,


s: Where we find a few twirls in the car of much use


s: To regenerate the hunger and thirst of us sinners,


s: Who've lapst into snacks--the perdition of dinners.


s: About which we Gourmands have had much discussion--


s: I've tried all these mountains, Swiss, French, and Ruggieri's,


s: And think, for _digestion_, there's none like the Russian;


s: So equal the motion--so gentle, tho' fleet--


s: It in short such a light and salubrious scamper is,


s: That take whom you please--take old Louis DIX-HUIT,


s: And stuff him--ay, up to the neck--with stewed lampreys,


s: So wholesome these Mounts, such a _solvent_ I've found them,


s: That, let me but rattle the Monarch well down them,


s: The fiend, Indigestion, would fly far away,


s: And the regicide lampreys be foiled of their prey!


s: Till five o'clock brings on that hour so momentous,


s: That epoch--but whoa! my lad--here comes the _Schneider_,


s: And, curse him, has made the stays three inches wider--


s: Too wide by an inch and a half--what a Guy!


s: But, no matter--'twill all be set right by-and-by.


s: As we've MASSINOT's eloquent _carte_ to eat still up.


s: An inch and a half's but a trifle to fill up.


s: _Au revoir_, my old boy--of the Gods I but ask


s: That my life, like "the Leap of the German," may be,


s: _"Du lit à la table, d'la table du lit!"_


s: A ship is said to miss stays, when she does not obey the helm in


s: These gay, portable fountains, from which the groseille water is


s: St. Denys walked three miles after his head was cut off.


s: My Lord, the Instructions, brought to-day,


s: Your Lordship talks and writes so sensibly!


s: About my health and French most flattering;


s: Thank ye, my French, tho' somewhat better,


s: Is, on the whole, but weak and smattering:--


s: Who, even in French, would have his trope,


s: Which showed alike thy French and sense;--


s: And, if the schemes that fill thy breast


s: And use the tongue that suits them best,


s: What charming Turkish wouldst thou speak!


s: Fallen Monarchs, out of CHAMBAUD'S grammar--


s: They'll take you all thro' France with ease.


s: _Her_ flattering speech--"What pretty things


s: As BIDDY round the caps _would_ pin them;


s: Unrumpled, for there's--nothing in them.


s: _Extracts from Mr. Fudge's Journal, addressed to Lord C._


s: Who thinks, poor wretch, that, while the Fiend


s: (A more discreet, tho' quite as strong one,)


s: This strange head fits him most unpleasantly;


s: For instance, there's VANSITTART'S head--


s: The head might lisp out "What is trumps?"--


s: The shop, the shears, the lace, and ribbon


s: Would go, I doubt not, quite as glib on;


s: To give the PRINCE the shopman's brains,


s: And slept, and dreamt that I was--BOTTOM.


s: That does to _quote_ and gives one's Book


s: A course of stalls improves me greatly)--


s: 'Stead of a speech, which, all can see, is


s: The PRINCE, God bless him! _gains_ a few.


s: We should throw in much _heavier_ things:


s: Which, tho' not spices, serve to wrap them;


s: "Prodigious!"--in, of course, we'd clap them--


s: (Ah! _that_ were worth its weight in lead!)


s: Or, should these prove too small and light,


s: His rump's a host--we'll bundle _that_ in!


s: And, _still_ should all these masses fail


s: If _that_ wont raise him, devil's in it!


s: But, bless the fools, they _can't_ be serious,


s: What! _he_, the Peer, that injures no man,


s: Like that severe, blood-thirsty Roman!--


s: All sorts of spies--so doth the Peer, too.


s: On matters, too, where few can bear one;


s: Oh dear, that's something _quite_ too funny.