s: Should so continue--'t is a point of honour;


s: And I know nothing which could make amends


s: For a return to hatred: I would shun her


s: Her hundred arms and legs, and fain outrun her.


s: Old flames, new wives, become our bitterest foes--


s: Converted foes should scorn to join with those.


s: This were the worst desertion:--renegadoes,


s: Even shuffling Southey, that incarnate lie,


s: Would scarcely join again the 'reformadoes,'


s: Whom he forsook to fill the laureate's sty:


s: And honest men from Iceland to Barbadoes,


s: Should not veer round with every breath, nor seize


s: To pain, the moment when you cease to please.


s: And nought remains unseen, but much untold,


s: By those who scour those double vales of strife.


s: The lawyer's brief is like the surgeon's knife,


s: Dissecting the whole inside of a question,


s: And with it all the process of digestion.


s: A legal broom 's a moral chimney-sweeper,


s: And that 's the reason he himself 's so dirty;


s: The endless soot bestows a tint far deeper


s: Than can be hid by altering his shirt; he


s: Retains the sable stains of the dark creeper,


s: At least some twenty-nine do out of thirty,


s: In all their habits;--not so you, I own;


s: As Caesar wore his robe you wear your gown.


s: And all our little feuds, at least all mine,


s: Dear Jefferson, once my most redoubted foe


s: To make such puppets of us things below),


s: Are over: Here 's a health to 'Auld Lang Syne!'


s: Your face--but you have acted on the whole


s: And when I use the phrase of 'Auld Lang Syne!'


s: 'T is not address'd to you--the more 's the pity


s: With you, than aught (save Scott) in your proud city.


s: But somehow,--it may seem a schoolboy's whine,


s: And yet I seek not to be grand nor witty,


s: A whole one, and my heart flies to my head,--


s: As 'Auld Lang Syne' brings Scotland, one and all,


s: Scotch plaids, Scotch snoods, the blue hills, and clear streams,


s: The Dee, the Don, Balgounie's brig's black wall,


s: All my boy feelings, all my gentler dreams


s: Of what I then dreamt, clothed in their own pall,


s: Like Banquo's offspring;--floating past me seems


s: My childhood in this childishness of mine:


s: I care not--'t is a glimpse of 'Auld Lang Syne.'


s: Of wrath and rhyme, when juvenile and curly,


s: I rail'd at Scots to show my wrath and wit,


s: Which must be own'd was sensitive and surly,


s: Yet 't is in vain such sallies to permit,


s: They cannot quench young feelings fresh and early:


s: I 'scotch'd not kill'd' the Scotchman in my blood,


s: And love the land of 'mountain and of flood.'


s: For both are much the same, since what men think


s: Exists when the once thinkers are less real


s: Than what they thought, for mind can never sink,


s: And 'gainst the body makes a strong appeal;


s: And yet 't is very puzzling on the brink


s: And know no more of what is here, than there;--


s: How we won't mention, why we need not say:


s: Few youthful minds can stand the strong concussion


s: But his just now were spread as is a cushion


s: Smooth'd for a monarch's seat of honour; gay


s: Damsels, and dances, revels, ready money,


s: Made ice seem paradise, and winter sunny.


s: The favour of the empress was agreeable;


s: And though the duty wax'd a little hard,


s: Young people at his time of life should be able


s: He was now growing up like a green tree, able


s: For love, war, or ambition, which reward


s: Their luckier votaries, till old age's tedium


s: Make some prefer the circulating medium.


s: About this time, as might have been anticipated,


s: Seduced by youth and dangerous examples,


s: Don Juan grew, I fear, a little dissipated;


s: Which is a sad thing, and not only tramples


s: On our fresh feelings, but--as being participated


s: Of frail humanity--must make us selfish,


s: And shut our souls up in us like a shell-fish.


s: A young lieutenant's with a not old queen,


s: But one who is not so youthful as she was


s: Sovereigns may sway materials, but not matter,


s: And Death, the sovereign's sovereign, though the great


s: Of him who feasts, and fights, and roars, and revels,


s: To one small grass-grown patch (which must await


s: Corruption for its crop) with the poor devils


s: Who never had a foot of land till now,--


s: Death 's a reformer, all men must allow.


s: He lived (not Death, but Juan) in a hurry


s: Of waste, and haste, and glare, and gloss, and glitter,


s: In this gay clime of bear-skins black and furry--


s: Which (though I hate to say a thing that 's bitter)


s: Peep out sometimes, when things are in a flurry,


s: Through all the 'purple and fine linen,' fitter


s: For Babylon's than Russia's royal harlot--


s: And neutralize her outward show of scarlet.


s: And this same state we won't describe: we would


s: Perhaps from hearsay, or from recollection;


s: But getting nigh grim Dante's 'obscure wood,'


s: That horrid equinox, that hateful section


s: Of human years, that half-way house, that rude


s: Hut, whence wise travellers drive with circumspection


s: Life's sad post-horses o'er the dreary frontier


s: Of age, and looking back to youth, give one tear;--


s: I won't describe,--that is, if I can help


s: Description; and I won't reflect,--that is,


s: If I can stave off thought, which--as a whelp


s: Clings to its teat--sticks to me through the abyss


s: Drains its first draught of lips:--but, as I said,


s: Juan, instead of courting courts, was courted,--


s: A thing which happens rarely: this he owed


s: Much to his youth, and much to his reported


s: Valour; much also to the blood he show'd,


s: Like a race-horse; much to each dress he sported,


s: Which set the beauty off in which he glow'd,


s: As purple clouds befringe the sun; but most


s: He wrote to Spain:--and all his near relations,


s: Of getting on himself, and finding stations


s: For cousins also, answer'd the same day.


s: Several prepared themselves for emigrations;


s: That with the addition of a slight pelisse,


s: Madrid's and Moscow's climes were of a piece.


s: That in the lieu of drawing on his banker,


s: Where his assets were waxing rather few,


s: He had brought his spending to a handsome anchor,--


s: Replied, 'that she was glad to see him through


s: Those pleasures after which wild youth will hanker;


s: As the sole sign of man's being in his senses


s: Is, learning to reduce his past expenses.


s: And no less to God's Son, as well as Mother,


s: Warn'd him against Greek worship, which looks odd


s: In Catholic eyes; but told him, too, to smother


s: Outward dislike, which don't look well abroad;


s: Inform'd him that he had a little brother


s: All, praised the empress's maternal love.


s: 'She could not too much give her approbation


s: Unto an empress, who preferr'd young men


s: Whose age, and what was better still, whose nation


s: And climate, stopp'd all scandal (now and then):--


s: At home it might have given her some vexation;


s: But where thermometers sunk down to ten,


s: Or five, or one, or zero, she could never


s: Believe that virtue thaw'd before the river.'


s: Loud as the virtues thou dost loudly vaunt,


s: Not practise! Oh for trumps of cherubim!


s: Who, though her spectacles at last grew dim,


s: Drew quiet consolation through its hint,


s: When she no more could read the pious print.


s: She was no hypocrite at least, poor soul,


s: Which portions out upon the judgment day


s: Heaven's freeholds, in a sort of doomsday scroll,


s: His knights with, lotting others' properties


s: Into some sixty thousand new knights' fees.


s: I can't complain, whose ancestors are there,


s: (If that my memory doth not greatly err)


s: Were their reward for following Billy's banners:


s: And though I can't help thinking 't was scarce fair


s: To strip the Saxons of their hydes, like tanners;


s: Yet as they founded churches with the produce,


s: You 'll deem, no doubt, they put it to a good use.


s: The gentle Juan flourish'd, though at times


s: He felt like other plants called sensitive,


s: Which shrink from touch, as monarchs do from rhymes,


s: Save such as Southey can afford to give.


s: Perhaps he long'd in bitter frosts for climes


s: In which the Neva's ice would cease to live


s: Before May-day: perhaps, despite his duty,


s: In royalty's vast arms he sigh d for beauty:


s: Perhaps--but, sans perhaps, we need not seek


s: For causes young or old: the canker-worm


s: Will feed upon the fairest, freshest cheek,


s: As well as further drain the wither'd form:


s: Care, like a housekeeper, brings every week


s: They must be paid: though six days smoothly run,


s: The seventh will bring blue devils or a dun.


s: I don't know how it was, but he grew sick:


s: The empress was alarm'd, and her physician


s: (The same who physick'd Peter) found the tick


s: Which augur'd of the dead, however quick


s: Itself, and show'd a feverish disposition;


s: At which the whole court was extremely troubled,


s: The sovereign shock'd, and all his medicines doubled.


s: Low were the whispers, manifold the rumours:


s: Some said he had been poison'd by Potemkin;


s: Others talk'd learnedly of certain tumours,


s: Exhaustion, or disorders of the same kin;


s: Some said 't was a concoction of the humours,


s: Which with the blood too readily will claim kin;


s: ''T was only the fatigue of last campaign.'


s: But here is one prescription out of many:


s: Aq. fervent. f. 3ifs. 3ij. tinct. Sennae


s: Haustus' (And here the surgeon came and cupp'd him)


s: (With more beside if Juan had not stopp'd 'em).


s: This is the way physicians mend or end us,


s: In health--when ill, we call them to attend us,


s: Instead of gliding graciously down Lethe,


s: We tease mild Baillie, or soft Abernethy.


s: Quit; and though death had threaten'd an ejection,


s: His youth and constitution bore him through,


s: And sent the doctors in a new direction.


s: But still his state was delicate: the hue


s: Of health but flicker'd with a faint reflection


s: Along his wasted cheek, and seem'd to gravel


s: The faculty--who said that he must travel.


s: The climate was too cold, they said, for him,


s: Meridian-born, to bloom in. This opinion


s: Made the chaste Catherine look a little grim,


s: Who did not like at first to lose her minion:


s: But when she saw his dazzling eye wax dim,


s: And drooping like an eagle's with clipt pinion,


s: She then resolved to send him on a mission,


s: There was just then a kind of a discussion,


s: Between the British cabinet and Russian,


s: Maintain'd with all the due prevarication


s: With which great states such things are apt to push on;


s: Something about the Baltic's navigation,


s: Hides, train-oil, tallow, and the rights of Thetis,


s: Which Britons deem their 'uti possidetis.'


s: Of fitting out her favourites, conferr'd


s: His services. He kiss'd hands the next day,


s: Received instructions how to play his card,


s: Was laden with all kinds of gifts and honours,


s: Which show'd what great discernment was the donor's.


s: But she was lucky, and luck 's all. Your queens


s: Which puzzles us to know what Fortune means.


s: But to continue: though her years were waning


s: Her climacteric teased her like her teens;


s: And though her dignity brook'd no complaining,


s: So much did Juan's setting off distress her,


s: She could not find at first a fit successor.


s: But time, the comforter, will come at last;


s: And four-and-twenty hours, and twice that number


s: Made Catherine taste next night a quiet slumber:--


s: Not that she meant to fix again in haste,


s: Kept the place open for their emulation.


s: While this high post of honour 's in abeyance,


s: You 'll mount with our young hero the conveyance


s: Which wafted him from Petersburgh: the best


s: Barouche, which had the glory to display once


s: When, a new lphigene, she went to Tauris,


s: Was given to her favourite, and now bore his.


s: A bull-dog, and a bullfinch, and an ermine,


s: All private favourites of Don Juan;--for


s: (Let deeper sages the true cause determine)


s: Weakness, for what most people deem mere vermin,


s: For cats and birds more penchant ne'er display'd,


s: Although he was not old, nor even a maid;--


s: Their station: there were valets, secretaries,


s: Sat little Leila, who survived the parries


s: He made 'gainst Cossacque sabres, in the wide


s: Slaughter of Ismail. Though my wild Muse varies


s: Her note, she don't forget the infant girl


s: Whom he preserved, a pure and living pearl


s: Poor little thing! She was as fair as docile,


s: And with that gentle, serious character,


s: Man, 'midst thy mouldy mammoths, 'grand Cuvier!'


s: With this o'erwhelming world, where all must err:


s: But she was yet but ten years old, and therefore


s: Was tranquil, though she knew not why or wherefore.


s: Don Juan loved her, and she loved him, as


s: Nor brother, father, sister, daughter love.


s: He was not yet quite old enough to prove


s: Call'd brotherly affection, could not move


s: Ah! if he had, how much he would have miss'd her!


s: And still less was it sensual; for besides


s: (Who like sour fruit, to stir their veins' salt tides,


s: Although ('t will happen as our planet guides)


s: His youth was not the chastest that might be,


s: There was the purest Platonism at bottom


s: Of all his feelings--only he forgot 'em.


s: Just now there was no peril of temptation;


s: He loved the infant orphan he had saved,


s: As patriots (now and then) may love a nation;


s: His pride, too, felt that she was not enslaved


s: Through his means and the church's might be paved.


s: But one thing 's odd, which here must be inserted,


s: The little Turk refused to be converted.


s: 'T was strange enough she should retain the impression


s: Through such a scene of change, and dread, and slaughter;


s: But though three bishops told her the transgression,


s: She show'd a great dislike to holy water:


s: Perhaps she had nothing to confess:--no matter,


s: Whate'er the cause, the church made little of it--


s: She still held out that Mahomet was a prophet.


s: In fact, the only Christian she could bear


s: Was Juan; whom she seem'd to have selected


s: In place of what her home and friends once were.


s: And thus they form'd a rather curious pair,


s: A guardian green in years, a ward connected


s: In neither clime, time, blood, with her defender;


s: And yet this want of ties made theirs more tender.


s: They journey'd on through Poland and through Warsaw,


s: Famous for mines of salt and yokes of iron:


s: Through Courland also, which that famous farce saw


s: Which gave her dukes the graceless name of 'Biron.'


s: 'T is the same landscape which the modern Mars saw,


s: Who march'd to Moscow, led by Fame, the siren!


s: To lose by one month's frost some twenty years


s: Of conquest, and his guard of grenadiers.


s: My guard! my old guard exclaim'd!' exclaim'd that god of day.


s: Think of the Thunderer's falling down below


s: Alas, that glory should be chill'd by snow!


s: But should we wish to warm us on our way


s: Through Poland, there is Kosciusko's name


s: Might scatter fire through ice, like Hecla's flame.


s: From Poland they came on through Prussia Proper,


s: And Konigsberg the capital, whose vaunt,


s: Besides some veins of iron, lead, or copper,


s: Has lately been the great Professor Kant.


s: Have princes who spur more than their postilions.


s: And thence through Berlin, Dresden, and the like,


s: Until he reach'd the castellated Rhine:--


s: Ye glorious Gothic scenes! how much ye strike


s: All phantasies, not even excepting mine;


s: Between the present and past worlds, and hover


s: Upon their airy confine, half-seas-over.


s: But Juan posted on through Manheim, Bonn,


s: Which Drachenfels frowns over like a spectre


s: On which I have not time just now to lecture.


s: From thence he was drawn onwards to Cologne,


s: The greatest number flesh hath ever known.


s: From thence to Holland's Hague and Helvoetsluys,


s: That water-land of Dutchmen and of ditches,


s: The poor man's sparkling substitute for riches.


s: Senates and sages have condemn'd its use--


s: Too often all the clothing, meat, or fuel,


s: Good government has left them, seems but cruel.


s: Here he embark'd, and with a flowing sail


s: Went bounding for the island of the free,


s: Towards which the impatient wind blew half a gale;


s: High dash'd the spray, the bows dipp'd in the sea,


s: And sea-sick passengers turn'd somewhat pale;


s: But Juan, season'd, as he well might be,


s: By former voyages, stood to watch the skiffs


s: Which pass'd, or catch the first glimpse of the cliffs.


s: At length they rose, like a white wall along


s: The blue sea's border; and I Don Juan felt--


s: What even young strangers feel a little strong


s: At the first sight of Albion's chalky belt--


s: Those haughty shopkeepers, who sternly dealt


s: Their goods and edicts out from pole to pole,


s: And made the very billows pay them toll.


s: I 've no great cause to love that spot of earth,


s: Which holds what might have been the noblest nation;


s: But though I owe it little but my birth,


s: Seven years (the usual term of transportation)


s: Of absence lay one's old resentments level,


s: When a man's country 's going to the devil.


s: How her great name is now throughout abhorr'd:


s: Which shall lay bare her bosom to the sword;


s: How all the nations deem her their worst foe,


s: That worse than worst of foes, the once adored


s: False friend, who held out freedom to mankind,


s: And now would chain them, to the very mind:--


s: Would she be proud, or boast herself the free,


s: Who is but first of slaves? The nations are


s: Who watches o'er the chain, as they who wear.


s: Don Juan now saw Albion's earliest beauties,


s: Thy cliffs, dear Dover! harbour, and hotel;


s: Thy custom-house, with all its delicate duties;


s: Thy waiters running mucks at every bell;


s: Thy packets, all whose passengers are booties


s: And last, not least, to strangers uninstructed,


s: Thy long, long bills, whence nothing is deducted.


s: Juan, though careless, young, and magnifique,


s: And rich in rubles, diamonds, cash, and credit,


s: Who did not limit much his bills per week,


s: Yet stared at this a little, though he paid it


s: (His Maggior Duomo, a smart, subtle Greek,


s: Before him summ'd the awful scroll and read it);


s: But doubtless as the air, though seldom sunny,


s: Is free, the respiration's worth the money.


s: Tramp, tramp o'er pebble, and splash, splash through puddle;


s: Hurrah! how swiftly speeds the post so merry!


s: Not like slow Germany, wherein they muddle


s: Their fare; and also pause besides, to fuddle


s: With 'schnapps'--sad dogs! whom 'Hundsfot,' or 'Verflucter,'


s: Affect no more than lightning a conductor.


s: Now there is nothing gives a man such spirits,


s: Leavening his blood as cayenne doth a curry,


s: As going at full speed--no matter where its


s: And merely for the sake of its own merits;


s: For the less cause there is for all this flurry,


s: At the great end of travel--which is driving.


s: Black Edward's helm, and Becket's bloody stone,


s: Were pointed out as usual by the bedral,


s: In the same quaint, uninterested tone:--


s: There 's glory again for you, gentle reader! All


s: Ends in a rusty casque and dubious bone,


s: Half-solved into these sodas or magnesias;


s: Which form that bitter draught, the human species.


s: The effect on Juan was of course sublime:


s: He breathed a thousand Cressys, as he saw


s: That casque, which never stoop'd except to Time.


s: Even the bold Churchman's tomb excited awe,


s: Who died in the then great attempt to climb


s: O'er kings, who now at least must talk of law


s: Before they butcher. Little Leila gazed,


s: And ask'd why such a structure had been raised:


s: And being told it was 'God's house,' she said


s: He was well lodged, but only wonder'd how


s: His holy temples in the lands which bred


s: The True Believers:--and her infant brow


s: Was bent with grief that Mahomet should resign


s: A mosque so noble, flung like pearls to swine.


s: O! oh! through meadows managed like a garden,


s: Countries of greater heat, but lesser suction,


s: A green field is a sight which makes him pardon


s: The absence of that more sublime construction,


s: Which mixes up vines, olives, precipices,


s: But I won't weep!--and so drive on, postilions!


s: As the smart boys spurr'd fast in their career,


s: Juan admired these highways of free millions;


s: To foreigner or native, save some silly ones,


s: Who 'kick against the pricks' just at this juncture,


s: And for their pains get only a fresh puncture.


s: What a delightful thing 's a turnpike road!


s: So smooth, so level, such a mode of shaving


s: The earth, as scarce the eagle in the broad


s: Air can accomplish, with his wide wings waving.


s: Had such been cut in Phaeton's time, the god


s: With the York mail;--but onward as we roll,


s: Alas, how deeply painful is all payment!


s: Take lives, take wives, take aught except men's purses:


s: As Machiavel shows those in purple raiment,


s: Such is the shortest way to general curses.


s: They hate a murderer much less than a claimant


s: On that sweet ore which every body nurses;--


s: Kill a man's family, and he may brook it,


s: But keep your hands out of his breeches' pocket.


s: So said the Florentine: ye monarchs, hearken


s: Just as the day began to wane and darken,


s: O'er the high hill, which looks with pride or scorn


s: Toward the great city.--Ye who have a spark in


s: Your veins of Cockney spirit, smile or mourn


s: According as you take things well or ill;--


s: Bold Britons, we are now on Shooter's Hill!


s: The sun went down, the smoke rose up, as from


s: Which well beseem'd the 'Devil's drawing-room,'


s: As some have qualified that wondrous place:


s: But Juan felt, though not approaching home,


s: As one who, though he were not of the race,


s: Revered the soil, of those true sons the mother,


s: Who butcher'd half the earth, and bullied t' other.


s: A mighty mass of brick, and smoke, and shipping,


s: Could reach, with here and there a sail just skipping


s: Of masts; a wilderness of steeples peeping


s: On tiptoe through their sea-coal canopy;


s: A huge, dun cupola, like a foolscap crown


s: On a fool's head--and there is London Town!


s: But Juan saw not this: each wreath of smoke


s: Of some alchymic furnace, from whence broke


s: The wealth of worlds (a wealth of tax and paper):


s: The gloomy clouds, which o'er it as a yoke


s: Are bow'd, and put the sun out like a taper,


s: Were nothing but the natural atmosphere,


s: Extremely wholesome, though but rarely clear.


s: He paused--and so will I; as doth a crew


s: Before they give their broadside. By and by,


s: Our old acquaintance; and at least I 'll try


s: To tell you truths you will not take as true,


s: With a soft besom will I sweep your halls,


s: And brush a web or two from off the walls.


s: Preach to poor rogues? And wherefore not begin


s: Unless you make their betters better:--Fy!


s: I thought you had more religion, Mrs. Fry.


s: Teach them the decencies of good threescore;


s: Cure them of tours, hussar and highland dresses;


s: Tell them that youth once gone returns no more,


s: That hired huzzas redeem no land's distresses;


s: Too dull even for the dullest of excesses,


s: A fool whose bells have ceased to ring at all.


s: Tell them, though it may be perhaps too late,


s: On life's worn confine, jaded, bloated, sated,


s: 'T is not so to be good; and be it stated,


s: The worthiest kings have ever loved least state;


s: And tell them--But you won't, and I have prated


s: Just now enough; but by and by I 'll prattle


s: Like Roland's horn in Roncesvalles' battle.


s: When Bishop Berkeley said 'there was no matter,'


s: And proved it--'t was no matter what he said:


s: They say his system 't is in vain to batter,


s: And yet who can believe it? I would shatter


s: Gladly all matters down to stone or lead,


s: And wear my head, denying that I wear it.


s: What a sublime discovery 't was to make the


s: That all 's ideal--all ourselves: I 'll stake the


s: World (be it what you will) that that 's no schism.


s: O Doubt!--if thou be'st Doubt, for which some take thee;


s: But which I doubt extremely--thou sole prism


s: Of the Truth's rays, spoil not my draught of spirit!


s: Heaven's brandy, though our brain can hardly bear it.


s: (Not the most 'dainty Ariel') and perplexes


s: Our soarings with another sort of question:


s: And that which after all my spirit vexes,


s: Is, that I find no spot where man can rest eye on,


s: Without confusion of the sorts and sexes,


s: Of beings, stars, and this unriddled wonder,


s: The world, which at the worst 's a glorious blunder--


s: To the old text, still better:--lest it should


s: Turn out so, we 'll say nothing 'gainst the wording,


s: As several people think such hazards rude.


s: They 're right; our days are too brief for affording


s: Know very clearly--or at least lie still.


s: And therefore will I leave off metaphysical


s: Discussion, which is neither here nor there:


s: If I agree that what is, is; then this I call


s: Being quite perspicuous and extremely fair;


s: The truth is, I 've grown lately rather phthisical:


s: I don't know what the reason is--the air


s: Perhaps; but as I suffer from the shocks


s: The first attack at once proved the Divinity


s: (But that I never doubted, nor the Devil);


s: The next, the Virgin's mystical virginity;


s: The fourth at once establish'd the whole Trinity


s: That I devoutly wish'd the three were four,


s: To our Theme.--The man who has stood on the Acropolis,


s: Who has sail'd where picturesque Constantinople is,


s: In small-eyed China's crockery-ware metropolis,


s: May not think much of London's first appearance--


s: But ask him what he thinks of it a year hence?


s: Sunset the time, the place the same declivity


s: Which looks along that vale of good and ill


s: Where London streets ferment in full activity;


s: While every thing around was calm and still,


s: Except the creak of wheels, which on their pivot he


s: Heard,--and that bee-like, bubbling, busy hum


s: Of cities, that boil over with their scum:--


s: I say, Don Juan, wrapt in contemplation,


s: Walk'd on behind his carriage, o'er the summit,


s: And lost in wonder of so great a nation,


s: Gave way to 't, since he could not overcome it.


s: 'And here,' he cried, 'is Freedom's chosen station;


s: Here peals the people's voice, nor can entomb it


s: Racks, prisons, inquisitions; resurrection


s: Awaits it, each new meeting or election.


s: 'Here are chaste wives, pure lives; here people pay


s: But what they please; and if that things be dear,


s: Their cash, to show how much they have a-year.


s: Traps for the traveller; every highway 's clear:


s: With,--'Damn your eyes! your money or your life!'


s: These freeborn sounds proceeded from four pads


s: In ambush laid, who had perceived him loiter


s: Behind his carriage; and, like handy lads,


s: Had seized the lucky hour to reconnoitre,


s: In which the heedless gentleman who gads


s: Upon the road, unless he prove a fighter,


s: May find himself within that isle of riches


s: Exposed to lose his life as well as breeches.


s: Of English, save their shibboleth, 'God damn!'


s: He sometimes thought 't was only their 'Salam,'


s: Or 'God be with you!'--and 't is not absurd


s: I heard them wish 'God with you,' save that way;--


s: Juan yet quickly understood their gesture,


s: Drew forth a pocket pistol from his vesture,


s: And fired it into one assailant's pudding--


s: Who fell, as rolls an ox o'er in his pasture,


s: And roar'd out, as he writhed his native mud in,


s: 'Oh Jack! I 'm floor'd by that 'ere bloody Frenchman!'


s: On which Jack and his train set off at speed,


s: And Juan's suite, late scatter'd at a distance,


s: And offering, as usual, late assistance.


s: Juan, who saw the moon's late minion bleed


s: As if his veins would pour out his existence,


s: Stood calling out for bandages and lint,


s: And wish'd he had been less hasty with his flint.


s: 'Perhaps,' thought he, 'it is the country's wont


s: In lieu of a bare blade and brazen front.


s: So take him up; I 'll help you with the load.'


s: But ere they could perform this pious duty,


s: The dying man cried, 'Hold! I 've got my gruel!


s: O for a glass of max! We 've miss'd our booty;


s: Of life shrunk in his heart, and thick and sooty


s: The drops fell from his death-wound, and he drew ill


s: His breath,--he from his swelling throat untied


s: A kerchief, crying, 'Give Sal that!'--and died.


s: The cravat stain'd with bloody drops fell down


s: Before Don Juan's feet: he could not tell


s: Nor what the meaning of the man's farewell.


s: Full flash, all fancy, until fairly diddled,


s: His pockets first and then his body riddled.


s: As soon as 'Crowner's quest' allow'd, pursued


s: In twelve hours' time, and very little space,


s: Have been obliged to slay a freeborn native


s: In self-defence: this made him meditative.


s: He from the world had cut off a great man,


s: Who in a row like Tom could lead the van,


s: Booze in the ken, or at the spellken hustle?


s: Who queer a flat? Who (spite of Bow Street's ban)


s: On the high toby-spice so flash the muzzle?


s: Who on a lark, with black-eyed Sal (his blowing),


s: So prime, so swell, so nutty, and so knowing?


s: But Tom's no more--and so no more of Tom.


s: Heroes must die; and by God's blessing 't is


s: Not long before the most of them go home.


s: Hail! Thamis, Hail! Upon thy verge it is


s: That Juan's chariot, rolling like a drum


s: In thunder, holds the way it can't well miss,


s: Through Kennington and all the other 'tons,'


s: Which makes us wish ourselves in town at once;--


s: Through Groves, so call'd as being void of trees


s: (Like lucus from no light); through prospects named


s: Mount Pleasant, as containing nought to please,


s: Nor much to climb; through little boxes framed


s: Of bricks, to let the dust in at your ease,


s: With 'To be let' upon their doors proclaim'd;


s: Through 'Rows' most modestly call'd 'Paradise,'


s: Which Eve might quit without much sacrifice;--


s: Through coaches, drays, choked turnpikes, and a whirl


s: Of wheels, and roar of voices, and confusion;


s: Here taverns wooing to a pint of 'purl,'


s: There mails fast flying off like a delusion;


s: There barbers' blocks with periwigs in curl


s: In windows; here the lamplighter's infusion


s: Slowly distill'd into the glimmering glass


s: (For in those days we had not got to gas);--


s: Through this, and much, and more, is the approach


s: Whether they come by horse, or chaise, or coach,


s: With slight exceptions, all the ways seem one.


s: I could say more, but do not choose to encroach


s: Upon the Guide-book's privilege. The sun


s: Had set some time, and night was on the ridge


s: Of twilight, as the party cross'd the bridge,--


s: That 's rather fine. The gentle sound of Thamis--


s: Who vindicates a moment, too, his stream,


s: Though hardly heard through multifarious 'damme's'-


s: The lamps of Westminster's more regular gleam,


s: The breadth of pavement, and yon shrine where fame is


s: In shape of moonshine hovers o'er the pile--


s: Make this a sacred part of Albion's isle.


s: The Druids' groves are gone--so much the better:


s: Stone-Henge is not--but what the devil is it?-


s: But Bedlam still exists with its sage fetter,


s: That madmen may not bite you on a visit;


s: The Bench too seats or suits full many a debtor;


s: The Mansion House too (though some people quiz it)


s: To me appears a stiff yet grand erection;


s: But then the Abbey 's worth the whole collection.


s: The line of lights, too, up to Charing Cross,


s: Pall Mall, and so forth, have a coruscation


s: Match'd with the Continent's illumination,


s: Whose cities Night by no means deigns to gloss.


s: The French were not yet a lamp-lighting nation,


s: And when they grew so--on their new-found lantern,


s: Instead of wicks, they made a wicked man turn.


s: But the old way is best for the purblind:


s: The other looks like phosphorus on sheets,


s: Which, though 't is certain to perplex and frighten,


s: Must burn more mildly ere it can enlighten.


s: But London 's so well lit, that if Diogenes


s: Could recommence to hunt his honest man,


s: And found him not amidst the various progenies


s: 'T were not for want of lamps to aid his dodging his


s: I 've done to find the same throughout life's journey,


s: Over the stones still rattling up Pall Mall,


s: Through crowds and carriages, but waxing thinner


s: As thunder'd knockers broke the long seal'd spell


s: Of doors 'gainst duns, and to an early dinner


s: Pursued his path, and drove past some hotels,


s: St. James's Palace and St. James's 'Hells.'


s: They reach'd the hotel: forth stream'd from the front door


s: The mob stood, and as usual several score


s: In decent London when the daylight 's o'er;


s: Useful, like Malthus, in promoting marriage.-


s: But Juan now is stepping from his carriage


s: For those whom favour or whom fortune swells,


s: And cannot find a bill's small items costly.


s: There many an envoy either dwelt or dwells


s: (The den of many a diplomatic lost lie),


s: Until to some conspicuous square they pass,


s: And blazon o'er the door their names in brass.


s: Private, though publicly important, bore


s: No title to point out with due precision


s: The exact affair on which he was sent o'er.


s: 'T was merely known, that on a secret mission


s: A foreigner of rank had graced our shore,


s: Young, handsome, and accomplish'd, who was said


s: (In whispers) to have turn'd his sovereign's head.


s: Some rumour also of some strange adventures


s: Had gone before him, and his wars and loves;


s: And as romantic heads are pretty painters,


s: Into the excursive, breaking the indentures


s: He found himself extremely in the fashion,


s: Which serves our thinking people for a passion.


s: I don't mean that they are passionless, but quite


s: The contrary; but then 't is in the head;


s: As if they acted with the heart instead,


s: In safety to the place for which you start,


s: What matters if the road be head or heart?


s: To proper placemen, every Russ credential;


s: And was received with all the due grimace


s: By those who govern in the mood potential,


s: Who, seeing a handsome stripling with smooth face,


s: Thought (what in state affairs is most essential)


s: That they as easily might do the youngster,


s: As hawks may pounce upon a woodland songster.


s: And by we 'll talk of that; and if we don't,


s: 'T will be because our notion is not high


s: Who live by lies, yet dare not boldly lie:--


s: Or can't do otherwise than lie, but do it


s: So well, the very truth seems falsehood to it.


s: And, after all, what is a lie? 'T is but


s: Historians, heroes, lawyers, priests, to put


s: The very shadow of true Truth would shut


s: Some years before the incidents related.


s: Praised be all liars and all lies! Who now


s: She rings the world's 'Te Deum,' and her brow


s: Blushes for those who will not:--but to sigh


s: Whose shamrock now seems rather worse for wearing.


s: I don't know which was more admired or less:


s: One monstrous diamond drew much observation,


s: Which Catherine in a moment of 'ivresse'


s: (In love or brandy's fervent fermentation)


s: Bestow'd upon him, as the public learn'd;


s: And, to say truth, it had been fairly earn'd.


s: The very clerks,--those somewhat dirty springs


s: By foul corruption into streams,--even they


s: Were hardly rude enough to earn their pay:


s: Employ'd for, since it is their daily labour,


s: And should you doubt, pray ask of your next neighbour,


s: To freedom, he applied (a grief and a bore),


s: If he found not his spawn of taxborn riches,


s: But Juan was received with much 'empressement:'-


s: These phrases of refinement I must borrow


s: From our next neighbours' land, where, like a chessman,


s: There is a move set down for joy or sorrow


s: Not only in mere talking, but the press. Man


s: In islands is, it seems, downright and thorough,


s: (See Billingsgate) made even the tongue more free.


s: And yet the British 'Damme' 's rather Attic:


s: Your continental oaths are but incontinent,


s: And turn on things which no aristocratic


s: Spirit would name, and therefore even I won't anent


s: This subject quote; as it would be schismatic


s: In politesse, and have a sound affronting in 't:--


s: But 'Damme' 's quite ethereal, though too daring--


s: Platonic blasphemy, the soul of swearing.


s: For downright rudeness, ye may stay at home;


s: For true or false politeness (and scarce that


s: Now) you may cross the blue deep and white foam--


s: The first the emblem (rarely though) of what


s: You leave behind, the next of much you come


s: In the great world,--which, being interpreted,


s: Meaneth the west or worst end of a city,


s: And about twice two thousand people bred


s: And look down on the universe with pity,--


s: Was well received by persons of condition.


s: And (should she not hold fast by love or pride)


s: 'T is also of some moment to the latter:


s: A rib 's a thorn in a wed gallant's side,


s: The horrid sin--and what 's still worse, the trouble.


s: And parts, and hearts: he danced and sung, and had


s: Or cheerful, without any 'flaws or starts,'


s: Just at the proper time; and though a lad,


s: Had seen the world--which is a curious sight,


s: Fair virgins blush'd upon him; wedded dames


s: For both commodities dwell by the Thames,


s: The painting and the painted; youth, ceruse,


s: Against his heart preferr'd their usual claims,


s: Daughters admired his dress, and pious mothers


s: Inquired his income, and if he had brothers.


s: The milliners who furnish 'drapery Misses'


s: Of payment ere the honey-moon's last kisses


s: Have waned into a crescent's coruscation,


s: Not to be overlook'd--and gave such credit,


s: That future bridegrooms swore, and sigh'd, and paid it.


s: The Blues, that tender tribe who sigh o'er sonnets,


s: Line the interior of their heads or bonnets,


s: Advanced in all their azure's highest hue:


s: They talk'd bad French or Spanish, and upon its


s: Late authors ask'd him for a hint or two;


s: And which was softest, Russian or Castilian?


s: And whether in his travels he saw Ilion?


s: And not in literature a great Drawcansir,


s: Jury of matrons, scarce knew what to answer:


s: Had kept him from the brink of Hippocrene,


s: Which now he found was blue instead of green.


s: Which lent his learned lucubrations pith,


s: And pass'd for arguments of good endurance.


s: (Who at sixteen translated 'Hercules Furens'


s: Into as furious English), with her best look,


s: Set down his sayings in her common-place book.


s: He might--and brought them up with skill, in time


s: To save his fame with each accomplish'd belle,


s: Who still regretted that he did not rhyme.


s: There wanted but this requisite to swell


s: Both long'd extremely to be sung in Spanish.


s: The coteries, and, as in Banquo's glass,


s: At great assemblies or in parties small,


s: He saw ten thousand living authors pass,


s: Also the eighty 'greatest living poets,'


s: In twice five years the 'greatest living poet,'


s: Is call'd on to support his claim, or show it,


s: Even I--albeit I 'm sure I did not know it,


s: Nor sought of foolscap subjects to be king--


s: The grand Napoleon of the realms of rhyme.


s: My Leipsic, and my Mount Saint Jean seems Cain:


s: 'La Belle Alliance' of dunces down at zero,


s: Now that the Lion 's fall'n, may rise again:


s: But I will fall at least as fell my hero;


s: Nor reign at all, or as a monarch reign;


s: With turncoat Southey for my turnkey Lowe.


s: Sir Walter reign'd before me; Moore and Campbell


s: Before and after; but now grown more holy,


s: Beneath the very Reverend Rowley Powley,


s: Who shoes the glorious animal with stilts,


s: Then there 's my gentle Euphues, who, they say,


s: He 'll find it rather difficult some day


s: Some persons think that Coleridge hath the sway;


s: And Wordsworth has supporters, two or three;


s: And that deep-mouth'd Boeotian 'Savage Landor'


s: Has taken for a swan rogue Southey's gander.


s: John Keats, who was kill'd off by one critique,


s: Just as he really promised something great,


s: Contrived to talk about the gods of late,


s: Much as they might have been supposed to speak.


s: 'T is strange the mind, that very fiery particle,


s: Should let itself be snuff'd out by an article.


s: The list grows long of live and dead pretenders


s: To that which none will gain--or none will know


s: The conqueror at least; who, ere Time renders


s: His last award, will have the long grass grow


s: Above his burnt-out brain, and sapless cinders.


s: Their chances; they 're too numerous, like the thirty


s: Mock tyrants, when Rome's annals wax'd but dirty.


s: Where the praetorian bands take up the matter;--


s: A 'dreadful trade,' like his who 'gathers samphire,'


s: The insolent soldiery to soothe and flatter,


s: With the same feelings as you 'd coax a vampire.


s: Now, were I once at home, and in good satire,


s: I 'd try conclusions with those Janizaries,


s: And show them what an intellectual war is.


s: I think I know a trick or two, would turn


s: Their flanks;--but it is hardly worth my while


s: With such small gear to give myself concern:


s: My natural temper 's really aught but stern,


s: And even my Muse's worst reproof 's a smile;


s: And then she drops a brief and modern curtsy,


s: And glides away, assured she never hurts ye.


s: Amongst live poets and blue ladies, past


s: With some small profit through that field so sterile,


s: Being tired in time, and, neither least nor last,


s: Left it before he had been treated very ill;


s: And henceforth found himself more gaily class'd


s: The sun's true son, no vapour, but a ray.


s: His morns he pass'd in business--which, dissected,


s: Was like all business a laborious nothing


s: That leads to lassitude, the most infected


s: And Centaur Nessus garb of mortal clothing,


s: And talk in tender horrors of our loathing


s: All kinds of toil, save for our country's good--


s: Which grows no better, though 't is time it should.


s: His afternoons he pass'd in visits, luncheons,


s: Lounging and boxing; and the twilight hour


s: In riding round those vegetable puncheons


s: Call'd 'Parks,' where there is neither fruit nor flower


s: Enough to gratify a bee's slight munchings;


s: (In Moore's phrase), where the fashionable fair


s: Can form a slight acquaintance with fresh air.


s: Then dress, then dinner, then awakes the world!


s: Then glare the lamps, then whirl the wheels, then roar


s: Through street and square fast flashing chariots hurl'd


s: Like harness'd meteors; then along the floor


s: Chalk mimics painting; then festoons are twirl'd;


s: Then roll the brazen thunders of the door,


s: There stands the noble hostess, nor shall sink


s: With the three-thousandth curtsy; there the waltz,


s: The only dance which teaches girls to think,


s: Makes one in love even with its very faults.


s: Saloon, room, hall, o'erflow beyond their brink,


s: 'Midst royal dukes and dames condemn'd to climb,


s: And gain an inch of staircase at a time.


s: A door that's in or boudoir out of the way,


s: Where he may fix himself like small 'Jack Horner,'


s: Yawning a little as the night grows later.


s: But this won't do, save by and by; and he


s: Who, like Don Juan, takes an active share,


s: Must steer with care through all that glittering sea


s: Of gems and plumes and pearls and silks, to where


s: Dissolving in the waltz to some soft air,


s: Or proudlier prancing with mercurial skill


s: Where Science marshals forth her own quadrille.


s: Or, if he dance not, but hath higher views


s: Upon an heiress or his neighbour's bride,


s: Let him take care that that which he pursues


s: His haste: impatience is a blundering guide,


s: Who like to play the fool with circumspection.


s: But, if you can contrive, get next at supper;


s: Or, if forestalled, get opposite and ogle:--


s: Which sits for ever upon memory's crupper,


s: The ghost of vanish'd pleasures once in vogue! Ill


s: Can tender souls relate the rise and fall


s: Of hopes and fears which shake a single ball.


s: And watch, and ward; whose plans a word too much


s: Or many (for the number's sometimes such)


s: Or fame, or name, for wit, war, sense, or nonsense,


s: Permits whate'er they please, or did not long since.


s: Our hero, as a hero, young and handsome,


s: Noble, rich, celebrated, and a stranger,


s: Like other slaves of course must pay his ransom,


s: Before he can escape from so much danger


s: Talk about poetry, and 'rack and manger,'


s: And ugliness, disease, as toil and trouble;--


s: I wish they knew the life of a young noble.


s: They are young, but know not youth--it is anticipated;


s: Handsome but wasted, rich without a sou;


s: Their vigour in a thousand arms is dissipated;


s: Both senates see their nightly votes participated


s: Between the tyrant's and the tribunes' crew;


s: 'Where is the world?' cries Young, at eighty--'Where


s: The world in which a man was born? 'Alas!


s: Where is the world of eight years past? 'T was there--


s: I look for it--'t is gone, a globe of glass!


s: Crack'd, shiver'd, vanish'd, scarcely gazed on, ere


s: A silent change dissolves the glittering mass.


s: Statesmen, chiefs, orators, queens, patriots, kings,


s: And dandies, all are gone on the wind's wings.


s: Where little Castlereagh? The devil can tell:


s: Where Grattan, Curran, Sheridan, all those


s: Who bound the bar or senate in their spell?


s: Where is the unhappy Queen, with all her woes?


s: And where the Daughter, whom the Isles loved well?


s: Where are those martyr'd saints the Five per Cents?


s: And where--oh, where the devil are the rents?


s: Where 's Brummel? Dish'd. Where 's Long Pole Wellesley? Diddled.


s: Where is his will? (That 's not so soon unriddled.)


s: And where is 'Fum' the Fourth, our 'royal bird?'


s: Gone down, it seems, to Scotland to be fiddled


s: 'Caw me, caw thee'--for six months hath been hatching


s: This scene of royal itch and loyal scratching.


s: Where is Lord This? And where my Lady That?


s: Married, unmarried, and remarried (this is


s: Where are the Dublin shouts--and London hisses?


s: Where are the Grenvilles? Turn'd as usual. Where


s: My friends the Whigs? Exactly where they were.


s: So brilliant, where the list of routs and dances is,--


s: Thou Morning Post, sole record of the panels


s: Broken in carriages, and all the phantasies


s: Of fashion,--say what streams now fill those channels?


s: Some die, some fly, some languish on the Continent,


s: Because the times have hardly left them one tenant.


s: Some who once set their caps at cautious dukes,


s: Have taken up at length with younger brothers:


s: Some heiresses have bit at sharpers' hooks:


s: Some maids have been made wives, some merely mothers;


s: Others have lost their fresh and fairy looks:


s: In short, the list of alterations bothers.


s: There 's little strange in this, but something strange is


s: The unusual quickness of these common changes.


s: Talk not of seventy years as age; in seven


s: I have seen more changes, down from monarchs to


s: Than might suffice a moderate century through.


s: I knew that nought was lasting, but now even


s: Change grows too changeable, without being new:


s: Nought 's permanent among the human race,


s: Except the Whigs not getting into place.


s: I have seen Napoleon, who seem'd quite a Jupiter,


s: (No matter which) turn politician stupider,


s: If that can well be, than his wooden look.


s: But it is time that I should hoist my 'blue Peter,'


s: And sail for a new theme:--I have seen--and shook


s: To see it--the king hiss'd, and then caress'd;


s: But don't pretend to settle which was best.


s: I have seen the Landholders without a rap--


s: I have seen Joanna Southcote--I have seen--


s: The House of Commons turn'd to a tax-trap--


s: I have seen that sad affair of the late Queen--


s: I have seen crowns worn instead of a fool's cap--


s: I have seen a Congress doing all that 's mean--


s: I have seen some nations like o'erloaded asses


s: Kick off their burthens, meaning the high classes.


s: I have seen small poets, and great prosers, and


s: I have seen the funds at war with house and land--


s: I have seen the country gentlemen turn squeakers--


s: I have seen the people ridden o'er like sand


s: By slaves on horseback--I have seen malt liquors


s: Exchanged for 'thin potations' by John Bull--


s: I have seen john half detect himself a fool.-


s: And transient, and devour'd by the same harpy.


s: 'Life 's a poor player,'--then 'play out the play,


s: Ye villains!' above all keep a sharp eye


s: Much less on what you do than what you say:


s: Not what you seem, but always what you see.


s: Which 't is the common cry and lie to vaunt as


s: But 't is as well at once to understand,


s: You are not a moral people, and you know it


s: My topic, with of course the due restriction


s: Though every scribe, in some slight turn of diction,


s: Will hint allusions never meant. Ne'er doubt


s: This--when I speak, I don't hint, but speak out.


s: Whether he married with the third or fourth


s: Offspring of some sage husband-hunting countess,


s: Or whether with some virgin of more worth


s: (I mean in Fortune's matrimonial bounties)


s: Of which your lawful awful wedlock fount is,--


s: For being too excursive in his homages,--


s: Is yet within the unread events of time.


s: Thus far, go forth, thou lay, which I will back


s: Against the same given quantity of rhyme,


s: By those who love to say that white is black.


s: But would not change my free thoughts for a throne.


s: Which is most barbarous is the middle age


s: Of man; it is--I really scarce know what;


s: But when we hover between fool and sage,


s: And don't know justly what we would be at--


s: Black letter upon foolscap, while our hair


s: Grows grizzled, and we are not what we were;--


s: Too old for youth,--too young, at thirty-five,


s: To herd with boys, or hoard with good threescore,--


s: But since they are, that epoch is a bore:


s: Love lingers still, although 't were late to wive;


s: And as for other love, the illusion 's o'er;


s: Gleams only through the dawn of its creation.


s: Theirs is the pleasure that can never pall;


s: Theirs is the best bower anchor, the chain cable


s: Which holds fast other pleasures great and small.


s: And scorn his temperate board, as none at all,


s: And wonder how the wealthy can be sparing,


s: Know not what visions spring from each cheese-paring.


s: Love or lust makes man sick, and wine much sicker;


s: Ambition rends, and gaming gains a loss;


s: But making money, slowly first, then quicker,


s: And adding still a little through each cross


s: (Which will come over things), beats love or liquor,


s: The gamester's counter, or the statesman's dross.


s: Which makes bank credit like a bank of vapour.


s: Who hold the balance of the world? Who reign


s: O'er congress, whether royalist or liberal?


s: Who rouse the shirtless patriots of Spain?


s: (That make old Europe's journals squeak and gibber all.)


s: Who keep the world, both old and new, in pain


s: Or pleasure? Who make politics run glibber all?


s: The shade of Buonaparte's noble daring?-


s: Are the true lords of Europe. Every loan


s: Columbia's stock hath holders not unknown


s: On 'Change; and even thy silver soil, Peru,


s: The theme of praise: a hermit would not miss


s: And wherefore blame gaunt wealth's austerities?


s: Because, you 'll say, nought calls for such a trial;--


s: Then there 's more merit in his self-denial.


s: And sparkling on from heap to heap, displays,


s: Possess'd, the ore, of which mere hopes allure


s: Nations athwart the deep: the golden rays


s: Flash up in ingots from the mine obscure;


s: On him the diamond pours its brilliant blaze,


s: While the mild emerald's beam shades down the dies


s: Of other stones, to soothe the miser's eyes.


s: The lands on either side are his; the ship


s: From Ceylon, Inde, or far Cathay, unloads


s: For him the fragrant produce of each trip;


s: Beneath his cars of Ceres groan the roads,


s: His very cellars might be kings' abodes;


s: Perhaps he hath great projects in his mind,


s: Some dome surmounted by his meagre face:


s: Even with the very ore which makes them base;


s: Perhaps he would be wealthiest of his nation,


s: But whether all, or each, or none of these


s: May be the hoarder's principle of action,


s: The fool will call such mania a disease:--


s: What is his own? Go--look at each transaction,


s: Wars, revels, loves--do these bring men more ease


s: Than the mere plodding through each 'vulgar fraction'?


s: Let spendthrifts' heirs enquire of yours--who 's wiser?


s: How beauteous are rouleaus! how charming chests


s: Containing ingots, bags of dollars, coins


s: (Not of old victors, all whose heads and crests


s: Weigh not the thin ore where their visage shines,


s: But) of fine unclipt gold, where dully rests


s: Some likeness, which the glittering cirque confines,


s: Of modern, reigning, sterling, stupid stamp:--


s: 'Love rules the camp, the court, the grove,'--'for love


s: Is heaven, and heaven is love:'--so sings the bard;


s: Perhaps there may be something in 'the grove,'


s: At least it rhymes to 'love;' but I 'm prepared


s: To doubt (no less than landlords of their rental)


s: If 'courts' and 'camps' be quite so sentimental.


s: But if Love don't, Cash does, and Cash alone:


s: Cash rules the grove, and fells it too besides;


s: Without cash, camps were thin, and courts were none;


s: Without cash, Malthus tells you--'take no brides.'


s: So Cash rules Love the ruler, on his own


s: High ground, as virgin Cynthia sways the tides:


s: And as for Heaven 'Heaven being Love,' why not say honey


s: Is wax? Heaven is not Love, 't is Matrimony.


s: Excepting marriage? which is love, no doubt,


s: With the same thought the two words have help'd out:


s: Love may exist with marriage, and should ever,


s: But love sans bans is both a sin and shame,


s: Now if the 'court,' and 'camp,' and 'grove,' be not


s: Recruited all with constant married men,


s: Who never coveted their neighbour's lot,


s: I say that line 's a lapsus of the pen;--


s: Strange too in my 'buon camerado' Scott,


s: To me;--of whom these morals are a sample.


s: Well, if I don't succeed, I have succeeded,


s: And that 's enough; succeeded in my youth,


s: The only time when much success is needed:


s: And my success produced what I, in sooth,


s: Cared most about; it need not now be pleaded--


s: Whate'er it was, 't was mine; I 've paid, in truth,


s: But have not learn'd to wish it any less.


s: That suit in Chancery,--which some persons plead


s: In the faith of their procreative creed,


s: No more of them, than they of her, I trow.


s: Were every memory written down all true,


s: The tenth or twentieth name would be but blunder'd;


s: Even Plutarch's Lives have but pick'd out a few,


s: And 'gainst those few your annalists have thunder'd;


s: Gives, with Greek truth, the good old Greek the lie.


s: In this twelfth Canto 't is my wish to be


s: Malthus and Wilberforce:--the last set free


s: While Wellington has but enslaved the Whites,


s: And Malthus does the thing 'gainst which he writes.


s: I 'm serious--so are all men upon paper;


s: And why should I not form my speculation,


s: Mankind just now seem wrapt in mediation


s: On constitutions and steam-boats of vapour;


s: While sages write against all procreation,


s: Of feeding brats the moment his wife weans.


s: That 's noble! That 's romantic! For my part,


s: (Now here 's a word quite after my own heart,


s: Though there 's a shorter a good deal than this,


s: But I 'm resolved to say nought that 's amiss)--


s: I say, methinks that 'Philo-genitiveness'


s: Might meet from men a little more forgiveness.


s: Thou art in London--in that pleasant place,


s: Where every kind of mischief 's daily brewing,


s: Which can await warm youth in its wild race.


s: 'T is true, that thy career is not a new one;


s: Thou art no novice in the headlong chase


s: I could send forth my mandate like a primate


s: But thou art the most difficult to rhyme at,


s: Great Britain, which the Muse may penetrate.


s: All countries have their 'Lions,' but in the


s: When tired of play, he flirted without sin


s: With some of those fair creatures who have prided


s: And hate all vice except its reputation.


s: But these are few, and in the end they make


s: Some devilish escapade or stir, which shows


s: Their way through virtue's primrose paths of snows;


s: And then men stare, as if a new ass spake


s: To Balaam, and from tongue to ear o'erflows


s: Quicksilver small talk, ending (if you note it)


s: With the kind world's amen--'Who would have thought it?'


s: (Which saw all western things with small surprise,


s: Who think that novelties are butterflies


s: Her charming figure and romantic history


s: Amongst the sex in little things or great.


s: Think not, fair creatures, that I mean to abuse you all--


s: I have always liked you better than I state:


s: Since I 've grown moral, still I must accuse you all


s: You had reason; 't was that a young child of grace,


s: Howe'er our friend Don Juan might command


s: Himself for five, four, three, or two years' space,


s: Would be much better taught beneath the eye


s: So first there was a generous emulation,


s: And then there was a general competition,


s: But sixteen dowagers, ten unwed she sages,


s: Whose tale belongs to 'Hallam's Middle Ages,'


s: And one or two sad, separate wives, without


s: A fruit to bloom upon their withering bough--


s: Begg'd to bring up the little girl and 'out,'-


s: For that 's the phrase that settles all things now,


s: Meaning a virgin's first blush at a rout,


s: And all her points as thorough-bred to show:


s: And I assure you, that like virgin honey


s: Tastes their first season (mostly if they have money).


s: Each out-at-elbow peer, or desperate dandy,


s: The watchful mothers, and the careful sisters


s: (Who, by the by, when clever, are more handy


s: At making matches, where ''t is gold that glisters,'


s: Than their he relatives), like flies o'er candy


s: Buzz round 'the Fortune' with their busy battery,


s: To turn her head with waltzing and with flattery!


s: Each aunt, each cousin, hath her speculation;


s: Nay, married dames will now and then discover


s: I 've known them court an heiress for their lover.


s: 'Tantaene!' Such the virtues of high station,


s: Even in the hopeful Isle, whose outlet 's 'Dover!'


s: While the poor rich wretch, object of these cares,


s: Has cause to wish her sire had had male heirs.


s: Some are soon bagg'd, and some reject three dozen.


s: 'T is fine to see them scattering refusals


s: (Friends of the party), who begin accusals,


s: Such as--'Unless Miss (Blank) meant to have chosen


s: Poor Frederick, why did she accord perusals


s: To his billets? Why waltz with him? Why, I pray,


s: Look yes last night, and yet say no to-day?


s: 'Why?--Why?--Besides, Fred really was attach'd;


s: 'T was not her fortune--he has enough without:


s: The time will come she 'll wish that she had snatch'd


s: But the old marchioness some plan had hatch'd,


s: As I 'll tell Aurea at to-morrow's rout:


s: And after all poor Frederick may do better--


s: Pray did you see her answer to his letter?'


s: Are spurn'd in turn, until her turn arrives,


s: After male loss of time, and hearts, and bets


s: Upon the sweepstakes for substantial wives;


s: And when at last the pretty creature gets


s: Some gentleman, who fights, or writes, or drives,


s: It soothes the awkward squad of the rejected


s: For sometimes they accept some long pursuer,


s: (But here perhaps the instances are fewer)


s: To the lot of him who scarce pursued at all.


s: To draw a high prize: now, howe'er he got her, I


s: See nought more strange in this than t' other lottery.


s: I, for my part (one 'modern instance' more,


s: 'True, 't is a pity--pity 't is, 't is true'),


s: Albeit my years were less discreet than few;


s: Those became one who soon were to be two,


s: I 'll not gainsay the generous public's voice,


s: That the young lady made a monstrous choice.


s: That I dissert, like grace before a feast:


s: For like an aged aunt, or tiresome friend,


s: All people, at all times, and in most places,


s: Which puts my Pegasus to these grave paces.


s: I mean to show things really as they are,


s: That till we see what 's what in fact, we 're far


s: From much improvement with that virtuous plough


s: Which skims the surface, leaving scarce a scar


s: Upon the black loam long manured by Vice,


s: But first of little Leila we 'll dispose;


s: For like a day-dawn she was young and pure,


s: Which are more pure than pleasant to be sure.


s: A goodly guardian for his infant charge,


s: Who might not profit much by being at large.


s: Besides, he had found out he was no tutor


s: (I wish that others would find out the same);


s: And rather wish'd in such things to stand neuter,


s: For silly wards will bring their guardians blame:


s: So when he saw each ancient dame a suitor


s: Suppression,' Lady Pinchbeck was his choice.


s: Virtuous she was--and had been, I believe;


s: Although the world has such an evil tongue


s: That--but my chaster ear will not receive


s: In fact, there 's nothing makes me so much grieve,


s: Which is the cud eschew'd by human cattle.


s: That ladies in their youth a little gay,


s: Besides their knowledge of the world, and sense


s: Are wiser in their warnings 'gainst the woe


s: Which the mere passionless can never know.


s: While the harsh prude indemnifies her virtue


s: By railing at the unknown and envied passion,


s: Seeking far less to save you than to hurt you,


s: Or, what 's still worse, to put you out of fashion,--


s: The kinder veteran with calm words will court you,


s: Entreating you to pause before you dash on;


s: Of epic Love's beginning, end, and middle.


s: Now whether it be thus, or that they are stricter,


s: As better knowing why they should be so,


s: I think you 'll find from many a family picture,


s: That daughters of such mothers as may know


s: The world by experience rather than by lecture,


s: Turn out much better for the Smithfield Show


s: Of vestals brought into the marriage mart,


s: Than those bred up by prudes without a heart.


s: I said that Lady Pinchbeck had been talk'd about--


s: As who has not, if female, young, and pretty?


s: But now no more the ghost of Scandal stalk'd about;


s: She merely was deem'd amiable and witty,


s: And several of her best bon-mots were hawk'd about:


s: And pass'd (at least the latter years of life)


s: High in high circles, gentle in her own,


s: Whenever--which means every day--they 'd shown


s: The quantity of good she did 's unknown,


s: Or at the least would lengthen out my song:


s: Had raised an interest in her, which increased.


s: Juan, too, was a sort of favourite with her,


s: Because she thought him a good heart at bottom,


s: A little spoil'd, but not so altogether;


s: Which was a wonder, if you think who got him,


s: And how he had been toss'd, he scarce knew whither:


s: Though this might ruin others, it did not him,


s: At least entirely--for he had seen too many


s: Changes in youth, to be surprised at any.


s: And these vicissitudes tell best in youth;


s: People are apt to blame the Fates, forsooth,


s: He who hath proved war, storm, or woman's rage,


s: Whether his winters be eighteen or eighty,


s: Hath won the experience which is deem'd so weighty.


s: Safe with a lady, whose last grown-up daughter


s: Being long married, and thus set at large,


s: Had left all the accomplishments she taught her


s: To be transmitted, like the Lord Mayor's barge,


s: More Muse-like--like to Cytherea's shell.


s: I call such things transmission; for there is


s: Which forms a pedigree from Miss to Miss,


s: According as their minds or backs are bent.


s: Some waltz; some draw; some fathom the abyss


s: With music; the most moderate shine as wits;


s: While others have a genius turn'd for fits.


s: But whether fits, or wits, or harpsichords,


s: With regular descent, in these our days,


s: The last year to the new transfers its hoards;


s: New vestals claim men's eyes with the same praise


s: Of 'elegant' et caetera, in fresh batches--


s: All matchless creatures, and yet bent on matches.


s: Perhaps a little strange, if not quite new,


s: That from the first of Cantos up to this


s: I 've not begun what we have to go through.


s: These first twelve books are merely flourishes,


s: And when so, you shall have the overture.


s: About what 's call'd success, or not succeeding:


s: Such thoughts are quite below the strain they have chosen;


s: 'T is a 'great moral lesson' they are reading.


s: I thought, at setting off, about two dozen


s: Cantos would do; but at Apollo's pleading,


s: If that my Pegasus should not be founder'd,


s: I think to canter gently through a hundred.


s: Yclept the Great World; for it is the least,


s: Although the highest: but as swords have hilts


s: By which their power of mischief is increased,


s: Thus the low world, north, south, or west, or east,


s: Must still obey the high--which is their handle,


s: Their moon, their sun, their gas, their farthing candle.


s: He had many friends who had many wives, and was


s: Well look'd upon by both, to that extent


s: Of friendship which you may accept or pass,


s: It does nor good nor harm being merely meant


s: To keep the wheels going of the higher class,


s: And draw them nightly when a ticket 's sent:


s: And what with masquerades, and fetes, and balls,


s: For the first season such a life scarce palls.


s: And fortune, has an awkward part to play;


s: 'The royal game of Goose,' as I may say,


s: The married ones to save the virgins trouble.


s: I don't mean this as general, but particular


s: Though several also keep their perpendicular


s: Like poplars, with good principles for roots;


s: 'Fishers for men,' like sirens with soft lutes:


s: For talk six times with the same single lady,


s: And you may get the wedding dresses ready.


s: Perhaps you 'll have a letter from the mother,


s: To say her daughter's feelings are trepann'd;


s: Perhaps you 'll have a visit from the brother,


s: All strut, and stays, and whiskers, to demand


s: What 'your intentions are?'--One way or other


s: It seems the virgin's heart expects your hand:


s: And between pity for her case and yours,


s: You 'll add to Matrimony's list of cures.


s: I 've known a dozen weddings made even thus,


s: And some of them high names: I have also known


s: Young men who--though they hated to discuss


s: Pretensions which they never dream'd to have shown--


s: Yet neither frighten'd by a female fuss,


s: Nor by mustachios moved, were let alone,


s: And lived, as did the broken-hearted fair,


s: In happier plight than if they form'd a pair.


s: There 's also nightly, to the uninitiated,


s: A peril--not indeed like love or marriage,


s: But not the less for this to be depreciated:


s: It is--I meant and mean not to disparage


s: The show of virtue even in the vitiated--


s: It adds an outward grace unto their carriage--


s: But to denounce the amphibious sort of harlot,


s: 'Couleur de rose,' who 's neither white nor scarlet.


s: Such is your cold coquette, who can't say 'No,'


s: And won't say 'Yes,' and keeps you on and off-ing


s: On a lee-shore, till it begins to blow--


s: Then sees your heart wreck'd, with an inward scoffing.


s: And sends new Werters yearly to their coffin;


s: 'Ye gods, I grow a talker!' Let us prate.


s: The next of perils, though I place it sternest,


s: Is when, without regard to 'church or state,'


s: A wife makes or takes love in upright earnest.


s: Abroad, such things decide few women's fate--


s: (Such, early traveller! is the truth thou learnest)--


s: But in old England, when a young bride errs,


s: Poor thing! Eve's was a trifling case to hers.


s: For 't is a low, newspaper, humdrum, lawsuit


s: Country, where a young couple of the same ages


s: Can't form a friendship, but the world o'erawes it.


s: A verdict--grievous foe to those who cause it!-


s: Besides those soothing speeches of the pleaders,


s: But they who blunder thus are raw beginners;


s: Has saved the fame of thousand splendid sinners,


s: The loveliest oligarchs of our gynocracy;


s: You may see such at all the balls and dinners,


s: So gentle, charming, charitable, chaste--


s: And all by having tact as well as taste.


s: Juan, who did not stand in the predicament


s: Of a mere novice, had one safeguard more;


s: For he was sick--no, 't was not the word sick I meant--


s: That he was not in heart so very weak;--I meant


s: But thus much, and no sneer against the shore


s: Of white cliffs, white necks, blue eyes, bluer stockings,


s: Tithes, taxes, duns, and doors with double knockings.


s: But coming young from lands and scenes romantic,


s: Where lives, not lawsuits, must be risk'd for Passion,


s: And Passion's self must have a spice of frantic,


s: Into a country where 't is half a fashion,


s: Seem'd to him half commercial, half pedantic,


s: Howe'er he might esteem this moral nation:


s: Besides (alas! his taste--forgive and pity!)


s: At first he did not think the women pretty.


s: I say at first--for he found out at last,


s: But by degrees, that they were fairer far


s: Than the more glowing dames whose lot is cast


s: Beneath the influence of the eastern star.


s: A further proof we should not judge in haste;


s: To taste:--the truth is, if men would confess,


s: That novelties please less than they impress.


s: Though travell'd, I have never had the luck to


s: Where Geography finds no one to oblige her


s: With such a chart as may be safely stuck to--


s: For Europe ploughs in Afric like 'bos piger:'


s: No doubt I should be told that black is fair.


s: It is. I will not swear that black is white;


s: But I suspect in fact that white is black,


s: And the whole matter rests upon eyesight.


s: Ask a blind man, the best judge. You 'll attack


s: Perhaps this new position--but I 'm right;


s: Or if I 'm wrong, I 'll not be ta'en aback:--


s: He hath no morn nor night, but all is dark


s: Within; and what seest thou? A dubious spark.


s: That labyrinth, whose clue is of the same


s: Construction as your cures for hectic phthisics,


s: Those bright moths fluttering round a dying flame;


s: And this reflection brings me to plain physics,


s: Compared with those of our pure pearls of price,


s: Those polar summers, all sun, and some ice.


s: Or say they are like virtuous mermaids, whose


s: Beginnings are fair faces, ends mere fishes;--


s: Not that there 's not a quantity of those


s: Who have a due respect for their own wishes.


s: Like Russians rushing from hot baths to snows


s: Are they, at bottom virtuous even when vicious:


s: They warm into a scrape, but keep of course,


s: But this has nought to do with their outsides.


s: I said that Juan did not think them pretty


s: At the first blush; for a fair Briton hides


s: Half her attractions--probably from pity--


s: And rather calmly into the heart glides,


s: Than storms it as a foe would take a city;


s: But once there (if you doubt this, prithee try)


s: Nor wear as gracefully as Gauls her garb,


s: Nor in her eye Ausonia's glance is burning;


s: Her voice, though sweet, is not so fit to warb--


s: le those bravuras (which I still am learning


s: To like, though I have been seven years in Italy,


s: And have, or had, an ear that served me prettily);--


s: She cannot do these things, nor one or two


s: Others, in that off-hand and dashing style


s: Which takes so much--to give the devil his due;


s: Nor is she quite so ready with her smile,


s: (A thing approved as saving time and toil);--


s: But though the soil may give you time and trouble,


s: And if in fact she takes to a 'grande passion,'


s: Nine times in ten 't is but caprice or fashion,


s: The pride of a mere child with a new sash on,


s: But the tenth instance will be a tornado,


s: For there 's no saying what they will or may do.


s: The reason 's obvious; if there 's an eclat,


s: They lose their caste at once, as do the Parias;


s: Have fill'd their papers with their comments various,


s: (The hypocrite!), will banish them like Marius,


s: For Fame 's a Carthage not so soon rebuilt.


s: And be thy sins forgiven:'--but upon this


s: I leave the saints to settle their own score.


s: Abroad, though doubtless they do much amiss,


s: That lady, who should be at home to all.


s: For me, I leave the matter where I find it,


s: People some ten times less in fact to mind it,


s: And care but for discoveries and not deeds.


s: And as for chastity, you 'll never bind it


s: By all the laws the strictest lawyer pleads,


s: But aggravate the crime you have not prevented,


s: By rendering desperate those who had else repented.


s: But Juan was no casuist, nor had ponder'd


s: Besides, he had not seen of several hundred


s: A little 'blase'--'t is not to be wonder'd


s: At, that his heart had got a tougher rind:


s: And though not vainer from his past success,


s: The Parliament and all the other houses;


s: To hear debates whose thunder roused (not rouses)


s: The world to gaze upon those northern lights


s: Which flash'd as far as where the musk-bull browses;


s: He had also stood at times behind the throne--


s: But Grey was not arrived, and Chatham gone.


s: He saw, however, at the closing session,


s: That noble sight, when really free the nation,


s: Of such a throne as is the proudest station,


s: Though despots know it not--till the progression


s: Of freedom shall complete their education.


s: 'T is not mere splendour makes the show august


s: To eye or heart--it is the people's trust.


s: There, too, he saw (whate'er he may be now)


s: A Prince, the prince of princes at the time,


s: And full of promise, as the spring of prime.


s: He had then the grace, too, rare in every clime,


s: And Juan was received, as hath been said,


s: Occurr'd what often happens, I 'm afraid,


s: The talent and good humour he display'd,


s: Besides the mark'd distinction of his air,


s: Exposed him, as was natural, to temptation,


s: Even though himself avoided the occasion.


s: But what, and where, with whom, and when, and why,


s: (Whatever people say), I don't know whether


s: I 'll leave a single reader's eyelid dry,


s: But harrow up his feelings till they wither,


s: As Philip's son proposed to do with Athos.


s: Here the twelfth Canto of our introduction


s: Ends. When the body of the book 's begun,


s: You 'll find it of a different construction


s: From what some people say 't will be when done:


s: The plan at present 's simply in concoction,


s: That 's your affair, not mine: a real spirit


s: Should neither court neglect, nor dread to bear it.


s: And if my thunderbolt not always rattles,


s: The worst of tempests and the best of battles


s: That e'er were brew'd from elements or gore,


s: Besides the most sublime of--Heaven knows what else:


s: An usurer could scarce expect much more--


s: But my best canto, save one on astronomy,


s: That is your present theme for popularity:


s: Now that the public hedge hath scarce a stake,


s: To show the people the best way to break.


s: Meantime, read all the national debt-sinkers,


s: And tell me what you think of your great thinkers.


s: Since laughter now-a-days is deem'd too serious.


s: A jest at Vice by Virtue 's call'd a crime,


s: Besides, the sad 's a source of the sublime,


s: Although when long a little apt to weary us;


s: And therefore shall my lay soar high and solemn,


s: ('Tis an old Norman name, and to be found


s: Along the last fields of that Gothic ground)


s: Was high-born, wealthy by her father's will,


s: And beauteous, even where beauties most abound,


s: In Britain--which of course true patriots find


s: I 'll not gainsay them; it is not my cue;


s: I 'll leave them to their taste, no doubt the best:


s: An eye 's an eye, and whether black or blue,


s: Is no great matter, so 't is in request,


s: The fair sex should be always fair; and no man,


s: Till thirty, should perceive there 's a plain woman.


s: Epoch, that awkward corner turn'd for days


s: More quiet, when our moon 's no more at full,


s: Our passions, and we walk in wisdom's ways;


s: Hint, that 't is time to give the younger place.


s: I know that some would fain postpone this era,


s: Their post; but theirs is merely a chimera,


s: For they have pass'd life's equinoctial line:


s: But then they have their claret and Madeira


s: And county meetings, and the parliament,


s: And debt, and what not, for their solace sent.


s: Peace, war, the taxes, and what 's call'd the 'Nation'?


s: The joys of mutual hate to keep them warm,


s: Instead of love, that mere hallucination?


s: Now hatred is by far the longest pleasure;


s: Men love in haste, but they detest at leisure.


s: Rough Johnson, the great moralist, profess'd,


s: Right honestly, 'he liked an honest hater!'-


s: The only truth that yet has been confest


s: Within these latest thousand years or later.


s: Perhaps the fine old fellow spoke in jest:--


s: And gaze where'er the palace or the hovel is,


s: Much in the mode of Goethe's Mephistopheles;


s: But neither love nor hate in much excess;


s: Though 't was not once so. If I sneer sometimes,


s: And now and then it also suits my rhymes.


s: Men's wrongs, and rather check than punish crimes,


s: Had not Cervantes, in that too true tale


s: Of Quixote, shown how all such efforts fail.


s: Of all tales 't is the saddest--and more sad,


s: Because it makes us smile: his hero 's right,


s: And still pursues the right;--to curb the bad


s: His only object, and 'gainst odds to fight


s: His guerdon: 't is his virtue makes him mad!


s: A sorrier still is the great moral taught


s: By that real epic unto all who have thought.


s: To aid the damsel and destroy the caitiff;


s: From foreign yoke to free the helpless native:--


s: Alas! must noblest views, like an old song,


s: Be for mere fancy's sport a theme creative,


s: A jest, a riddle, Fame through thin and thick sought!


s: And Socrates himself but Wisdom's Quixote?


s: Of his own country;--seldom since that day


s: Has Spain had heroes. While Romance could charm,


s: The world gave ground before her bright array;


s: And therefore have his volumes done such harm,


s: Was dearly purchased by his land's perdition.


s: I 'm 'at my old lunes'--digression, and forget


s: Although she was not evil nor meant ill;


s: (Fate is a good excuse for our own will),


s: And caught them;--what do they not catch, methinks?


s: But I 'm not OEdipus, and life 's a Sphinx.


s: Sweet Adeline, amidst the gay world's hum,


s: Was the Queen-Bee, the glass of all that 's fair;


s: The last 's a miracle, and such was reckon'd,


s: And since that time there has not been a second.


s: Chaste was she, to detraction's desperation,


s: And wedded unto one she had loved well--


s: A man known in the councils of the nation,


s: Though apt to act with fire upon occasion,


s: Proud of himself and her: the world could tell


s: Nought against either, and both seem'd secure--


s: Himself and Juan in their mutual stations


s: Into close contact. Though reserved, nor caught


s: By specious seeming, Juan's youth, and patience,


s: And talent, on his haughty spirit wrought,


s: And form'd a basis of esteem, which ends


s: In making men what courtesy calls friends.


s: And thus Lord Henry, who was cautious as


s: Reserve and pride could make him, and full slow


s: In judging men--when once his judgment was


s: Determined, right or wrong, on friend or foe,


s: Which knows no ebb to its imperious flow,


s: And loves or hates, disdaining to be guided,


s: Because its own good pleasure hath decided.


s: His friendships, therefore, and no less aversions,


s: Though oft well founded, which confirm'd but more


s: His prepossessions, like the laws of Persians


s: And Medes, would ne'er revoke what went before.


s: His feelings had not those strange fits, like tertians,


s: Of common likings, which make some deplore


s: What they should laugh at--the mere ague still


s: Of men's regard, the fever or the chill.


s: ''T is not in mortals to command success:


s: But do you more, Sempronius--don't deserve it,'


s: And take my word, you won't have any less.


s: Be wary, watch the time, and always serve it;


s: Give gently way, when there 's too great a press;


s: And for your conscience, only learn to nerve it,


s: 'T will make, if proved, vast efforts without paining.


s: As most men do, the little or the great;


s: At least they think so, to exert their state


s: Upon: for there are very few things wearier


s: Than solitary Pride's oppressive weight,


s: By bidding others carry while they ride.


s: In birth, in rank, in fortune likewise equal,


s: O'er Juan he could no distinction claim;


s: In years he had the advantage of time's sequel;


s: And, as he thought, in country much the same--


s: Because bold Britons have a tongue and free quill,


s: So that few members kept the house up later.


s: These were advantages: and then he thought--


s: It was his foible, but by no means sinister--


s: That few or none more than himself had caught


s: Court mysteries, having been himself a minister:


s: He liked to teach that which he had been taught,


s: And greatly shone whenever there had been a stir;


s: And reconciled all qualities which grace man,


s: Always a patriot, and sometimes a placeman.


s: He liked the gentle Spaniard for his gravity;


s: He almost honour'd him for his docility;


s: Because, though young, he acquiesced with suavity,


s: Or contradicted but with proud humility.


s: He knew the world, and would not see depravity


s: In faults which sometimes show the soil's fertility,


s: If that the weeds o'erlive not the first crop--


s: For then they are very difficult to stop.


s: And then he talk'd with him about Madrid,


s: Constantinople, and such distant places;


s: Where people always did as they were bid,


s: Or did what they should not with foreign graces.


s: Well, like most Englishmen, and loved the races;


s: Could back a horse, as despots ride a Russian.


s: And thus acquaintance grew, at noble routs,


s: For Juan stood well both with Ins and Outs,


s: His manner show'd him sprung from a high mother;


s: And all men like to show their hospitality


s: To him whose breeding matches with his quality.


s: At Blank-Blank Square;--for we will break no squares


s: By naming streets: since men are so censorious,


s: And apt to sow an author's wheat with tares,


s: Reaping allusions private and inglorious,


s: Where none were dreamt of, unto love's affairs,


s: Which were, or are, or are to be notorious,


s: Lord Henry's mansion was in Blank-Blank Square.


s: For making squares and streets anonymous;


s: Which is, that there is scarce a single season


s: Which doth not shake some very splendid house


s: With some slight heart-quake of domestic treason--


s: Unless I knew the very chastest squares.


s: 'T is true, I might have chosen Piccadilly,


s: But I have motives, whether wise or silly,


s: Therefore I name not square, street, place, until I


s: Find one where nothing naughty can be shown,


s: At Henry's mansion then, in Blank-Blank Square,


s: And some who had but talent for their crest;


s: Or wealth, which is a passport every where;


s: Or even mere fashion, which indeed 's the best


s: And since 'there 's safety in a multitude


s: Or some one for him, in some sage, grave mood;--


s: Which is the only cause that we can guess


s: Of Britain's present wealth and happiness;--


s: But as 'there 's safety' grafted in the number


s: 'Of counsellors' for men, thus for the sex


s: A large acquaintance lets not Virtue slumber;


s: Or should it shake, the choice will more perplex--


s: 'Midst many rocks we guard more against wrecks;


s: And thus with women: howsoe'er it shocks some's


s: Self-love, there 's safety in a crowd of coxcombs.


s: For such a shield, which leaves but little merit


s: Her chief resource was in her own high spirit,


s: Which judged mankind at their due estimation;


s: And for coquetry, she disdain'd to wear it:


s: Was faint, as of an every-day possession.


s: To some she show'd attention of that kind


s: Which flatters, but is flattery convey'd


s: To those who were, or pass'd for meritorious,


s: Just to console sad glory for being glorious;


s: Which is in all respects, save now and then,


s: Upon the shades of those distinguish'd men


s: Who were or are the puppet-shows of praise,


s: On the most favour'd; and amidst the blaze


s: That calm patrician polish in the address,


s: Which ne'er can pass the equinoctial line


s: Of any thing which nature would express;


s: Just as a mandarin finds nothing fine,--


s: At least his manner suffers not to guess


s: That any thing he views can greatly please.


s: Perhaps we have borrow'd this from the Chinese--


s: Was what he call'd the 'Art of Happiness;'


s: An art on which the artists greatly vary,


s: And have not yet attain'd to much success.


s: Indifference certes don't produce distress;


s: (Now for a common-place!) beneath the snow,


s: Poor thing! How frequently, by me and others,


s: It hath been stirr'd up till its smoke quite smothers!


s: Which leaves few drops of that immortal rain,


s: And this is stronger than the strongest grape


s: Could e'er express in its expanded shape:


s: 'T is the whole spirit brought to a quintessence;


s: And thus the chilliest aspects may concentre


s: And such are many--though I only meant her


s: From whom I now deduce these moral lessons,


s: On which the Muse has always sought to enter.


s: And your cold people are beyond all price,


s: When once you have broken their confounded ice.


s: But after all they are a North-West Passage


s: And as the good ships sent upon that message


s: (Though Parry's efforts look a lucky presage),


s: For if the Pole 's not open, but all frost


s: (A chance still), 't is a voyage or vessel lost.


s: And young beginners may as well commence


s: With quiet cruising o'er the ocean woman;


s: While those who are not beginners should have sense


s: Enough to make for port, ere time shall summon


s: With his grey signal-flag; and the past tense,


s: The dreary 'Fuimus' of all things human,


s: Must be declined, while life's thin thread 's spun out


s: Between the gaping heir and gnawing gout.


s: But heaven must be diverted; its diversion


s: The world upon the whole is worth the assertion


s: (If but for comfort) that all things are kind:


s: And that same devilish doctrine of the Persian,


s: Of the two principles, but leaves behind


s: Has ever puzzled Faith withal, or yoked her in.


s: 'T is the postilion's paradise: wheels fly;


s: On roads, east, south, north, west, there is a run.


s: Man's pity 's for himself, or for his son,


s: Always premising that said son at college


s: Has not contracted much more debt than knowledge.


s: When its quicksilver 's down at zero,--lo


s: Coach, chariot, luggage, baggage, equipage!


s: Wheels whirl from Carlton palace to Soho,


s: And happiest they who horses can engage;


s: The turnpikes glow with dust; and Rotten Row


s: Sleeps from the chivalry of this bright age;


s: And tradesmen, with long bills and longer faces,


s: Sigh--as the postboys fasten on the traces.


s: They and their bills, 'Arcadians both,' are left


s: To the Greek kalends of another session.


s: What hope remains? Of hope the full possession,


s: At a long date--till they can get a fresh one--


s: Hawk'd about at a discount, small or large;


s: But these are trifles. Downward flies my lord,


s: Away! away! 'Fresh horses!' are the word,


s: And changed as quickly as hearts after marriage;


s: The obsequious landlord hath the change restored;


s: The postboys have no reason to disparage


s: Their fee; but ere the water'd wheels may hiss hence,


s: The ostler pleads too for a reminiscence.


s: Trick'd out, but modest more than poet's pen


s: (Excuse a foreign slipslop now and then,


s: If but to show I 've travell'd; and what 's travel,


s: Unless it teaches one to quote and cavil?)


s: The London winter and the country summer


s: Were well nigh over. 'T is perhaps a pity,


s: When nature wears the gown that doth become her,


s: To lose those best months in a sweaty city,


s: Listening debates not very wise or witty,


s: Ere patriots their true country can remember;--


s: But there 's no shooting (save grouse) till September.


s: I 've done with my tirade. The world was gone;


s: The twice two thousand, for whom earth was made,


s: Were vanish'd to be what they call alone--


s: That is, with thirty servants for parade,


s: As many guests, or more; before whom groan


s: Let none accuse Old England's hospitality--


s: Its quantity is but condensed to quality.


s: Departed like the rest of their compeers,


s: None than themselves could boast a longer line,


s: Where time through heroes and through beauties steers;


s: Told of their sires, a tomb in every tree.


s: Of their departure: such is modern fame:


s: 'T is pity that it takes no farther hold


s: Than an advertisement, or much the same;


s: When, ere the ink be dry, the sound grows cold.


s: The Morning Post was foremost to proclaim--


s: 'Departure, for his country seat, to-day,


s: 'We understand the splendid host intends


s: And numerous party of his noble friends;


s: 'Midst whom we have heard, from sources quite correct,


s: With many more by rank and fashion deck'd;


s: The envoy of the secret Russian mission.'


s: And thus we see--who doubts the Morning Post?


s: (Whose articles are like the 'Thirty-nine,'


s: Which those most swear to who believe them most)--


s: Our gay Russ Spaniard was ordain'd to shine,


s: Deck'd by the rays reflected from his host,


s: With those who, Pope says, 'greatly daring dine.'


s: 'T is odd, but true,--last war the News abounded


s: More with these dinners than the kill'd or wounded;--


s: As thus: 'On Thursday there was a grand dinner;


s: Present, Lords A. B. C.'--Earls, dukes, by name


s: Announced with no less pomp than victory's winner:


s: Column; date, 'Falmouth. There has lately been here


s: The Slap-dash regiment, so well known to fame,


s: Whose loss in the late action we regret:


s: The vacancies are fill'd up--see Gazette.'


s: To Norman Abbey whirl'd the noble pair,--


s: Because the monks preferr'd a hill behind,


s: To shelter their devotion from the wind.


s: Crown'd by high woodlands, where the Druid oak


s: His host, with broad arms 'gainst the thunderstroke;


s: And from beneath his boughs were seen to sally


s: The branching stag swept down with all his herd,


s: To quaff a brook which murmur'd like a bird.


s: Broad as transparent, deep, and freshly fed


s: By a river, which its soften'd way did take


s: In currents through the calmer water spread


s: Around: the wildfowl nestled in the brake


s: And sedges, brooding in their liquid bed:


s: The woods sloped downwards to its brink, and stood


s: With their green faces fix'd upon the flood.


s: Sparkling with foam, until again subsiding,


s: Its shriller echoes--like an infant made


s: Quiet--sank into softer ripples, gliding


s: Pursued its course, now gleaming, and now hiding


s: Its windings through the woods; now clear, now blue,


s: According as the skies their shadows threw.


s: (While yet the church was Rome's) stood half apart


s: In a grand arch, which once screen'd many an aisle.


s: These last had disappear'd--a loss to art:


s: The first yet frown'd superbly o'er the soil,


s: And kindled feelings in the roughest heart,


s: Which mourn'd the power of time's or tempest's march,


s: Twelve saints had once stood sanctified in stone;


s: But these had fallen, not when the friars fell,


s: But in the war which struck Charles from his throne,


s: When each house was a fortalice, as tell


s: The annals of full many a line undone,--


s: The gallant cavaliers, who fought in vain


s: For those who knew not to resign or reign.


s: But in a higher niche, alone, but crowned,


s: The Virgin Mother of the God-born Child,


s: With her Son in her blessed arms, look'd round,


s: Spared by some chance when all beside was spoil'd;


s: She made the earth below seem holy ground.


s: But even the faintest relics of a shrine


s: Of any worship wake some thoughts divine.


s: Shorn of its glass of thousand colourings,


s: Through which the deepen'd glories once could enter,


s: Streaming from off the sun like seraph's wings,


s: Now yawns all desolate: now loud, now fainter,


s: The gale sweeps through its fretwork, and oft sings


s: The owl his anthem, where the silenced quire


s: Lie with their hallelujahs quench'd like fire.


s: But in the noontide of the moon, and when


s: The wind is winged from one point of heaven,


s: There moans a strange unearthly sound, which then


s: Through the huge arch, which soars and sinks again.


s: Back to the night wind by the waterfall,


s: Others, that some original shape, or form


s: Shaped by decay perchance, hath given the power


s: (Though less than that of Memnon's statue, warm


s: To this grey ruin, with a voice to charm.


s: Sad, but serene, it sweeps o'er tree or tower;


s: The cause I know not, nor can solve; but such


s: The fact:--I 've heard it--once perhaps too much.


s: Amidst the court a Gothic fountain play'd,


s: Symmetrical, but deck'd with carvings quaint--


s: Strange faces, like to men in masquerade,


s: And here perhaps a monster, there a saint:


s: The spring gush'd through grim mouths of granite made,


s: And sparkled into basins, where it spent


s: Its little torrent in a thousand bubbles,


s: Like man's vain glory, and his vainer troubles.


s: The mansion's self was vast and venerable,


s: Elsewhere preserved: the cloisters still were stable,


s: An exquisite small chapel had been able,


s: Still unimpair'd, to decorate the scene;


s: The rest had been reform'd, replaced, or sunk,


s: And spoke more of the baron than the monk.


s: Huge halls, long galleries, spacious chambers, join'd


s: By no quite lawful marriage of the arts,


s: Might shock a connoisseur; but when combined,


s: Form'd a whole which, irregular in parts,


s: Yet left a grand impression on the mind,


s: At least of those whose eyes are in their hearts:


s: Nor judge at first if all be true to nature.


s: Steel barons, molten the next generation


s: To silken rows of gay and garter'd earls,


s: Glanced from the walls in goodly preservation;


s: With fair long locks, had also kept their station;


s: And countesses mature in robes and pearls:


s: Whose drapery hints we may admire them freely.


s: Were there, with brows that did not much invite


s: The accused to think their lordships would determine


s: His cause by leaning much from might to right:


s: Bishops, who had not left a single sermon:


s: As hinting more (unless our judgments warp us)


s: Of the 'Star Chamber' than of 'Habeas Corpus.'


s: Generals, some all in armour, of the old


s: And iron time, ere lead had ta'en the lead;


s: Others in wigs of Marlborough's martial fold,


s: Huger than twelve of our degenerate breed:


s: Lordlings, with staves of white or keys of gold:


s: Nimrods, whose canvass scarce contain'd the steed;


s: And here and there some stern high patriot stood,


s: Who could not get the place for which he sued.


s: But ever and anon, to soothe your vision,


s: Here danced Albano's boys, and here the sea shone


s: In Vernet's ocean lights; and there the stories


s: His brush with all the blood of all the sainted.


s: Here sweetly spread a landscape of Lorraine;


s: There Rembrandt made his darkness equal light,


s: Bronzed o'er some lean and stoic anchorite:--


s: But, lo! a Teniers woos, and not in vain,


s: His bell-mouth'd goblet makes me feel quite Danish


s: Or Dutch with thirst--What, ho! a flask of Rhenish.


s: O reader! if that thou canst read,--and know,


s: 'T is not enough to spell, or even to read,


s: Virtues of which both you and I have need;--


s: Firstly, begin with the beginning (though


s: That clause is hard); and secondly, proceed;


s: Thirdly, commence not with the end--or, sinning


s: In this sort, end at least with the beginning.


s: But, reader, thou hast patient been of late,


s: While I, without remorse of rhyme, or fear,


s: Have built and laid out ground at such a rate,


s: That poets were so from their earliest date,


s: By Homer's 'Catalogue of ships' is clear;


s: I spare you then the furniture and plate.


s: The mellow autumn came, and with it came


s: The promised party, to enjoy its sweets.


s: The corn is cut, the manor full of game;


s: The pointer ranges, and the sportsman beats


s: In russet jacket:--lynx-like is his aim;


s: Full grows his bag, and wonderful his feats.


s: Ah, nut-brown partridges! Ah, brilliant pheasants!


s: And ah, ye poachers!--'T is no sport for peasants.


s: An English autumn, though it hath no vines,


s: The paths, o'er which the far festoon entwines


s: The red grape in the sunny lands of song,


s: Hath yet a purchased choice of choicest wines;


s: The claret light, and the Madeira strong.


s: If Britain mourn her bleakness, we can tell her,


s: The very best of vineyards is the cellar.


s: Then, if she hath not that serene decline


s: Which makes the southern autumn's day appear


s: As if 't would to a second spring resign


s: The season, rather than to winter drear,