s: And stays--no fancy has she for flitting;


s: And sits by your bed, and brings her knitting.


s: Gimme a gel with some style, like Nancy,


s: And then--well, it's gimes as I'll be at,


s: When 'ite of the twelve is a sittin', smokin';


s: Syin' she 'oped as we shouldn't be sick;


s: When we got hout, she wer pale and saint-like,


s: White in the gills, and sorter faint-like,


s: "Don't like 'em at all," I says, "that's flat--


s: Black as your boots and sorter thick'nin'."


s: "If it's wet," says she, "it _will_ be sick'nin'.


s: When the rine came down in a reggiler sheet.


s: And a damp gel strung on the arm of a fella?


s: "Well, rined-on 'am ain't pleasant to eat,


s: If yer don't believe it, just go an try,"


s: But just get tempers, and when they has'em


s: But why did I wear them boots, that vest?


s: The bloom is off 'em; they're sad to see;


s: And hev'rythin's off twixt Nancy and me;


s: And my trousers is off and gone to be pressed--


s: Prince, Bayard would have smashed his sword


s: In the age that was golden, the halcyon time,


s: All the billows were balmy and breezes were bland.


s: Then the poet was never hard up for a rhyme,


s: Then the milk and the honey flew free and were prime,


s: And the voice of the turtle was heard in the land.


s: In the times that are guilty the winds are perverse,


s: Blowing fair for the sharper and foul for the dupe.


s: Now the poet's condition could scarcely be worse,


s: Now the milk and the honey are strained through the purse,


s: And the voice of the turtle is dead in the soup.


s: And that cynics, white-gloved and cravatted,


s: Are the cream and quintessence of all things,


s: But that money's a thousand times better;


s: You thumbed, thrust, patted and polished,


s: I chirped, cheeped, trilled and twittered,


s: Cap and blouse--nay, a bit of beard too;


s: Her, piano, and long tunes and short tunes?"


s: Starved, feasted, despaired--been happy.


s: Know fools who creams and dainties stow;


s: Prince, I know all things 'neath the sky,


s: If I were thine, I'd fail not of endeavour


s: To make thy daily life, now and forever,


s: I'd watch thy moods, I'd toil and wait, with yearning,


s: Incessant incense at thy dear shrine burning,


s: If thou wert mine, quite changed would be these features.


s: Thou wouldst the humblest prove of loving creatures,


s: I'd undertake for _thee_, with selfless daring,


s: If we were ours? And now, here comes the riddle!


s: I'm sure _you'd_ never stoop to second fiddle,


s: The part of serf. And, likewise, each might neither


s: Yet I think that any season to have met her was to love,


s: At request she read us poems in a nook among the pines,


s: And her artless voice lent music to the least melodious lines;


s: As in paradise I listened--ah, I did not understand


s: That a little cloud, no larger than the average human hand,


s: Might, as stated oft in fiction, spread into a sable pall,


s: When she said that she should study Elocution in the fall!


s: I admit her earliest efforts were not in the Ercles vein;


s: She began with "Little Maaybel, with her faayce against the payne


s: And she tore my taste to tatters when she slew "The Polish Boy."


s: That she rose in social gatherings, and Searched among the Slain.


s: Knowing well that when her awful opportunity was come


s: She would give us battle, murder, sudden death at very least,


s: As a skeleton of warning, and a blight upon the feast.


s: Once, ah! once I fell a-dreaming; some one played a polonaise


s: I associated strongly with those happier August days;


s: Ah, that sound was as a curfew, quenching rosy, warm romance--


s: Were it safe to wed a woman one so oft would wish in France?


s: "_Ah! si la jeunesse savait_,--_si la vieillesse pouvait_!"


s: That concern where we all must take stock,


s: Though our vote has no hearing or weight;


s: And the old man sang him an old, old song,--


s: That it could drown the old man's for long,


s: For he sang the song "Too late! too late!"


s: Till the want has burned out of our brains,


s: While we send for the napkin the soup gets cold,


s: While the bonnet is trimming the face grows old,


s: When we've matched our buttons the pattern is sold


s: And everything comes too late,--too late!


s: "When strawberries seemed like red heavens,--


s: At the restaurant man and fruit-monger,--


s: When the goodies all came in a stream! in a stream!


s: "I've a splendid blood horse, and--a liver


s: I can buy boundless credits on Paris and Rome,


s: But no palate for _ménus_,--no eyes for a dome,--


s: _Those_ belonged to the youth who must tarry at home,


s: When no home but an attic he'd got,--he'd got!


s: "How I longed, in that lonest of garrets,


s: Where the tiles baked my brains all July,


s: For ground to grow two pecks of carrots,


s: A rosebush,--a little thatched cottage,--


s: Now in freestone I sit,--and my dotage,--


s: With a woman's chair empty close by, close by!


s: I have sat--knowing naught of the clock--


s: But the lips that kissed, and the arms that caressed,


s: To a mouth grown stern with delay were pressed,


s: And circled a breast that their clasp had blessed,


s: Had they only not come too late,--too late!"


s: I thought her heart wad burst the shell;


s: I couldna guessed she'd prove sae teugh,


s: But years have come, and years have gane,


s: And there she's yet as stieve as stane--


s: It's cured! She handles 't like a flail--


s: She beats the taeds that live in stanes,


s: These words Prissilla's heart did reach,


s: Dosn't thou 'ear my 'erse's legs, as they canters awaäy?


s: Proputty, proputty, proputty--that's what I 'ears 'em saäy.


s: Proputty, proputty, proputty--Sam, thou's an ass for thy paaïns:


s: Theer's moor sense i' one o' 'is legs nor in all thy braaïns.


s: Woä--theer's a craw to pluck wi' tha, Sam: yon's parson's 'ouse--


s: Time to think on it, then; for thou'll be twenty to weeäk.


s: Proputty, proputty--woä then, woä--let ma 'ear mysén speäk.


s: Me an' thy muther, Sammy, 'as beän a-talkin' o' thee;


s: Thou's been talkin' to muther, an' she beän a-tellin' it me.


s: Thou'll not marry for munny--thou's sweet upo' parson's lass--


s: Them as 'as munny an' all--wot's a beauty?--the flower as blaws.


s: But proputty, proputty sticks, an' proputty, proputty graws.


s: Do'ant be stunt: taäke time: I knaws what maäkes tha sa mad.


s: Warn't I craäzed fur the lasses mysén when I wur a lad?


s: But I knaw'd a Quaäker feller as often 'as towd ma this:


s: "Do'ant thou marry for munny, but goä wheer munny is!"


s: An' I went wheer munny war: an' thy mother coom to 'and,


s: Wi' lots o' munny laaïd by, an' a nicetish hit o' land.


s: Maäybe she warn't a beauty: I niver giv it a thowt--


s: But warn't she as good to cuddle an' kiss as a lass as 'ant nowt?


s: Parson's lass 'ant nowt, an' she weänt 'a nowt when 'e's deäd,


s: Mun be a guvness, lad, or summut, and addle her breäd:


s: Why? fur 'e's nobbut a curate, an' weänt niver git naw 'igher;


s: An' thin 'e coom'd to the parish wi' lots o' 'Varsity debt,


s: Stook to his taäil they did, an' 'e 'ant got shut on 'em yet.


s: An' 'e ligs on 'is back i' the grip, wi noän to lend 'im a shove,


s: Luvv? what's luvv? thou can luvv thy lass an' 'er munny too,


s: Maäkin' 'em goä togither, as they've good right to do.


s: Couldn't I luvv thy muther by cause o' 'er munny laaïd by?


s: Naäy--for I luvv'd her a vast sight moor fur it: reäson why.


s: Ay, an' thy muther says thou wants to marry the lass,


s: Cooms of a gentleman burn; an' we boäth on us thinks tha an ass.


s: Woä then, proputty, wiltha?--an ass as near as mays nowt--


s: Woä then, wiltha? dangtha!--the bees is as fell as owt.


s: Breäk me a bit o' the esh for his 'eäd, lad, out o' the fence!


s: Gentleman burn! What's gentleman burn? Is it shillins an' pence?


s: Proputty, proputty's ivrything 'ere, an', Sammy, I'm blest


s: If it isn't the saäme oop yonder, fur them as 'as it's the best.


s: 'Tisn' them as 'as munny as breäks into 'ouses an' steäls,


s: Them as 'as coöts to their backs an 'taäkes their regular meäls.


s: Noä, but it's them as niver knaws wheer a meäl's to be 'ad.


s: Taäke my word for it, Sammy, the poor in a loomp is bad.


s: Them or thir feythers, tha sees, mun 'a beän a laäzy lot.


s: Fur work mun 'a gone to the gittin' whiniver munny was got.


s: Feyther 'ad ammost nowt; leästways 'is munny was 'id.


s: Looök thou theer wheer Wrigglesby beck cooms out by the 'ill!


s: Feyther run oop to the farm, an' I runs oop to the mill;


s: An' I'll run oop to the brig, an' that thou'll live to see;


s: And if thou marries a good un I'll leäve the land to thee.


s: Thim's my noätions, Sammy, wheerby I meäns to stick;


s: Coom oop, proputty, proputty--that's what I 'ears 'im saäy--


s: Proputty, proputty, proputty--canter an' canter awaäy.


s: Life is a gift that most of us hold dear:


s: I never asked the spiteful gods to grant it;


s: Held it a bore--in short; and now it's here,


s: Thrust into life, I eat, smoke, drink, and sleep,


s: My mind's a blank I seldom care to question;


s: At others' dreams of love or fame or pelf,


s: To know no care, no change, no joy, no pain,


s: While some in life's old roadside inns at ease


s: Sit careless, all unthinking of the score


s: Mine host chalks up in swift unseen increase


s: Bound like Ixion on life's torture-wheel,


s: Jim Bowker, he said, ef he'd had a fair show,


s: And a big enough town for his talents to grow,


s: And the least bit assistance in hoein' his row,


s: He'd filled the world full of the sound of his name,


s: An' clim the top round in the ladder of fame.


s: But he had tarnal luck--eyerythin' went ag'in him,


s: The arrers of fortune they allus' 'ud pin him;


s: So he didn't get no chance to show off what was in him.


s: Ef he'd had a fair show, you couldn't tell where he'd come,


s: An' the feats he'd a-done, an' the heights he'd a-clum--


s: But we're all like Jim Bowker, thinks I, more or less--


s: Charge fate for our bad luck, ourselves for success,


s: An' give fortune the blame for all our distress,


s: Ef it hadn't been for luck an' misfortune an' sich,


s: We might a-been famous, an' might a-been rich.


s: Looks through the side-light of the door;


s: History, and nature, too, repeat themselves, they say;


s: Men are only habit's slaves; we see it every day.


s: Life has done its best for me--I find it tiresome still;


s: For nothing's everything at all, and everything is nil.


s: Life consists of paying bills as long as you have health;


s: Woman? She'll be true to you--as long as you have wealth;


s: Think sometimes of marriage, if the right girl I could strike;


s: But the more I see of girls, the more they are alike.


s: Go to theatres sometimes to see the latest plays;


s: Same old plots I played with in my happy childhood's days;


s: Hero, same; same villain; and same heroine in tears,


s: Starving, homeless, in the snow--with diamonds in her ears.


s: Friend of mine got married; in a year or so, a boy!


s: Father really foolish in his fond paternal joy;


s: Talked about that "kiddy," and became a dreadful bore--


s: Just as if a baby never had been born before.


s: Why should they make what all their lives


s: Of seers the first, and first of sayers;


s: The world's a jest, and joy's a trinket;


s: You beat your pate, and fancy wit will come:


s: Knock as you please, there's nobody at home.


s: What? rise again with _all_ one's bones,


s: And pavements fanged with murderous stones,


s: And rags, and hags, and hideous wenches,


s: Ye nymphs that reign o'er sewers and sinks,


s: Swans sing before they die:--'twere no bad thing,


s: Should certain persons die before they sing.


s: But cunning Satan did _not_ take his spouse.


s: But Heaven, that brings out good from evil,


s: Short-sighted devil, _not_ to take his spouse!


s: Than glowing coals, that give them light.


s: So round white stones will serve, they say,


s: When men a dangerous disease did 'scape,


s: Let me give two, that doubly am got free;


s: From my disease's danger, and from thee.


s: Lord Erskine, at women presuming to rail,


s: Calls a wife "a tin canister tied to one's tail";


s: And fair Lady Anne, while the subject he carries on,


s: Seems hurt at his Lordship's degrading comparison.


s: But wherefore degrading? consider'd aright,


s: A canister's useful, and polish'd, and bright:


s: And should dirt its original purity hide,


s: That's the fault of the puppy to whom it is tied.


s: Faintly; and then ... has naught to lose.


s: She mourn'd in silence, and was _Di-do-dum(b)_.


s: A lovely young lady I mourn in my rhymes:


s: She was pleasant, good-natured, and civil sometimes.


s: Her figure was good: she had very fine eyes,


s: And her talk was a mixture of foolish and wise.


s: Her adorers were many, and one of them said,


s: "She waltzed rather well! It's a pity she's dead!"


s: "Come, come," said Tom's father, "at your time of life,


s: There's no longer excuse for thus playing the rake.--


s: It is time you should think, boy, of taking a wife."--


s: "Why, so it is, father,--whose wife shall I take?"


s: Between Adam and me the great difference is,


s: Though a paradise each has been forced to resign,


s: That he never wore breeches till turn'd out of his,


s: While, for want of my breeches, I'm banish'd from mine.


s: In all thy humors, whether grave or mellow,


s: Thou 'rt such a touchy, testy, pleasant fellow;


s: Hast so much wit, and mirth, and spleen about thee,


s: There is no living with thee, nor without thee.


s: "God bless the King! God bless the faith's defender!


s: God bless--no harm in blessing--the Pretender.


s: God bless us all, that's quite another thing."


s: "Had Cain been Scot, God would have changed his doom;


s: Nor forced him wander, but confined him home."


s: See yonder goes old Mendax, telling lies


s: To that good easy man with whom he's walking;


s: How know I that? you ask, with some surprise;


s: Why, don't you see, my friend, the fellow's talking.


s: So slowly you walk, and so quickly you eat,


s: You should march with your mouth, and devour with your feet.


s: _Quest._--Why is a Pump like Viscount Castlereagh?


s: _Answ._--Because it is a slender thing of wood,


s: That up and down its awkward arm doth sway,


s: And coolly spout, and spout, and spout away,


s: There's none like Jack--he's everywhere:


s: While Butler, needy wretch, was yet alive,


s: See him, when starved to death and turn'd to dust,


s: The poet's fate is here in emblem shown--


s: He ask'd for _bread_, and he received a _stone_.


s: Which is of greater value, prythee, say,


s: The Bride or Bridegroom?--must the truth be told?


s: Alas, it must! The Bride is given away--


s: In moss-prankt dells which the sunbeams flatter


s: (And heaven it knoweth what that may mean;


s: Where woods are a-tremble with words a-tween;


s: Thro' God's own heather we wonned together,


s: I need hardly remark it was glorious weather,


s: And sands were a ribbon of green endowing,


s: Thro' the rare red heather we danced together


s: (O love my Willie,) and smelt for flowers:


s: I must mention again it was glorious weather,


s: Rhymes are so scarce in this world of ours:


s: By rises that flushed with their purple favors,


s: Thro' becks that brattled o'er grasses sheen,


s: We walked or waded, we two young shavers,


s: Thanking our stars we were both so green.


s: We journeyed in parallels, I and Willie,


s: They reck of no eerie To-come, those birds!


s: But they skim over bents which the mill-stream washes,


s: Or hang in the lift 'neath a white cloud's hem;


s: Then we thrid God's cowslips (as erst his heather),


s: That endowed the wan grass with their golden blooms;


s: And snapt--(it was perfectly charming weather)--


s: Our fingers at Fate and her goddess-glooms:


s: And Willie 'gan sing--(Oh, his notes were fluty;


s: Wafts fluttered them out to the white-winged sea)--


s: Something made up of rhymes that have done much duty,


s: Rhymes (better to put it) of "ancientry":


s: Then he bade sorrow borrow from blithe to-morrow


s: A nest in a hollow, "with buds to follow,"


s: I think occurred next in his nimble strain;


s: And clay that was "kneaden" of course in Eden--


s: Mists, bones, the singer himself, love-stories,


s: And all least furlable things got furled;


s: Not with any design to conceal their glories,


s: But simply and solely to rhyme with world.


s: O if billows and pillows and hours and flowers,


s: And all the brave rhymes of an elder day,


s: Could be furled together, this genial weather,


s: How much fewer volumes of verse there'd be.


s: The small-voiced pug dog welcomes in the sun,


s: And flea-bit mongrels wakening one by one,


s: Draws rounds us, then the lovely caterwaul,


s: Tart solo, sour duet and general squall,


s: A Russian sailed over the blue Black Sea


s: Right where the terrible Russian crossed;


s: And he cried, "Bismillah! I'm Abd el Kor--


s: So they stood like brave men, long and well,


s: And they called each other their proper names,


s: Till the lockjaw seized them, and where they fell


s: They buried them both by the Irdosholames--


s: Which, consequently, is far from difficult to write.


s: Of men and women, passionate, turgid, dense,


s: He noted Jones; Jones with his Roman nose,


s: His eyebrows--the left one streaked with a dash of gray--


s: Has anything in particular to do with the story;


s: Did Humpty-Dumpty slip. Vainly he clutched


s: Right on to the horribly hard pavement that ran beneath it,


s: Humpty-Dumpty, the unfortunate Humpty-Dumpty,


s: Could ever restore to the lofty eminence


s: Spot where he fell--lies, as I said on the ground,


s: Though I cannot describe myself as snug;


s: Yet I know that for me they paid a price


s: ("Drove," I have said, and it should be "driven";


s: A hearthrug's blunders should be forgiven,


s: And my lily-white tints, as black as your hat turn,


s: And the housemaid (a matricide, will-forging slattern),


s: When they're put to warm in front of the coals;


s: For the butter stains on my beautiful pattern.


s: But the coals and rolls, and sometimes soles,


s: Dropp'd from the frying-pan out of the fire.


s: Of that horrible man with the wooden leg.


s: From Arranmore the weary miles I've come;


s: An' was it then the Shrawn of Eire, you'll say,


s: For him that died the death on Carrisbool?


s: It was not that; nor was it, by the way,


s: The Sons of Garnim blitherin' their drool;


s: For Barrywhich that stilled the tongue of me.


s: 'Twas but my own heart cryin' out for you


s: irregular, or insurgent, fairies. They _never_ got any offices or


s: predisposition to an early and tragic demise and invariably dies


s: Lilies, lilies, white lilies and yellow--


s: Lilies, lilies, purple lilies and golden--


s: Calla lilies, tiger lilies, lilies of the valley--


s: What was it that made you yourself and me myself? What?


s: O Webster! lend me words to voice my grief


s: Bitter as quassia, quass or kumquat peel!


s: For I am sad ... bound on the cosmic wheel,


s: What mad chthonophagy bids slave and chief


s: Through endless cycles bite the earth like beef,


s: By turns each cannibal and each the meal?


s: Your whidah bird refuse all strobile fruit,


s: Your tragacanth in tears ooze from the tree ...


s: Few creatures have a quite contented mind.


s: Your koulan there, with dyslogistic snort,


s: Will leave his phacoid food on worts to browse,


s: The knurled kohl-rabi spurn in uncouth sport;


s: No margay climbs margosa trees; the short


s: In pibcorns when the youth of Wales carouse ...


s: No tournure doth the toucan's tail contort ...


s: So I am sad! ... and yet, on Summer eves,


s: When xebecs search the whishing scree for whelk,


s: And the sharp sorrel lifts obcordate leaves,


s: And find within this sadness something sweet.


s: I sway most violently as the thoughts course through me,


s: Of the mergings of worlds within worlds,


s: And other tremendously alarming phenomena,


s: (Some little rush of syllables, that!)--


s: And make me--(are you still whirling at my coat-tails, reader?)


s: Make me--ahem, where was I?--oh, yes--make me,


s: In a sudden, overwhelming gust of soul-shattering rebellion,


s: Oh! young Lochinvar has come out of the West,


s: Thro' all the wide border his horse has no equal,


s: Having cost him forty-five dollars at the market,


s: Where good nags, fresh from the country,


s: With burrs still in their tails are selling


s: For a song; and save his good broad sword


s: He weapon had none, except a seven-shooter


s: Or two, a pair of brass knuckles, and an Arkansaw


s: Toothpick in his boot, so, comparatively speaking,


s: He rode all unarmed, and he rode all alone,


s: He stayed not for brake, and he stopped not for


s: Toll-gates; he swam the Eske River where ford


s: In ferriage, but lost his pocket-book, containing


s: Seventeen dollars and a half, by the operation.


s: He stopped to borrow a dry suit of clothes,


s: And this delayed him considerably, so when


s: He arrived the bride had consented--the gallant


s: Was to wed the fair Ellen, and the guests had assembled.


s: Among bridesmen and kinsmen and brothers and


s: Brothers-in-law and forty or fifty cousins;


s: Then spake the bride's father, his hand on his sword


s: (For the poor craven bridegroom ne'er opened his head)


s: "Oh, come ye in peace here, or come ye in anger,


s: Or to dance at our bridal, young Lord Lochinvar?"


s: "I long wooed your daughter, and she will tell you


s: I have the inside track in the free-for-all


s: For her affections! my suit you denied; but let


s: That pass, while I tell you, old fellow, that love


s: Swells like the Solway, but ebbs like its tide,


s: And now I am come with this lost love of mine


s: To lead but one measure, drink one glass of beer;


s: There are maidens in Scotland more lovely by far


s: That would gladly be bride to yours very truly."


s: The bride kissed the goblet, the knight took it up,


s: He quaffed off the nectar and threw down the mug,


s: Smashing it into a million pieces, while


s: He remarked that he was the son of a gun


s: She looked down to blush, but she looked up again


s: For she well understood the wink in his eye;


s: He took her soft hand ere her mother could


s: Interfere, "Now tread we a measure; first four


s: Half right and left; swing," cried young Lochinvar.


s: One touch to her hand and one word in her ear,


s: When they reached the hall door and the charger


s: Stood near on three legs eating post hay;


s: So light to the croup the fair lady he swung,


s: "She is won! we are gone! over bank, bush, and spar,


s: They'll have swift steeds that follow"--but in the


s: Excitement of the moment he had forgotten


s: To untie the horse, and the poor brute could


s: Only gallop in a little circus around the


s: The youth and gave him the awfullest lambasting


s: So dauntless in war and so daring in love,


s: Have ye e'er heard of gallant like young Lochinvar?


s: Her disposition is as bright as a ten-cent shine,


s: Until the Square that was heavenly Blue,


s: And blithesome poortith toomed the loof,


s: Where sconnered yowies wheeped yestreen,


s: Bit I canna find it there, on the atlas anywhere,


s: But they tell me there's a place where my hypothetic race


s: But I dinna find the maps bearing out these pawkie chaps,


s: May behold the castles fair by his fathers builded there


s: Mother will sing to--you know the rest--


s: (Twig to the lilt, I have got it all right)


s: Back in the years when Phlagstaff, the Dane, was monarch


s: Over the sea-ribb'd land of the fleet-footed Norsemen,


s: Once there went forth young Ursa to gaze at the heavens--


s: Ursa--the noblest of all the Vikings and horsemen.


s: Musing, he sat in his stirrups and viewed the horizon,


s: Where the Aurora lapt stars in a North-polar manner,


s: Wildly he started,--for there in the heavens before him


s: Flutter'd and flam'd the original Star Spangled Banner.


s: Still finds its roots firm-bound in Plymouth Rock,


s: And all thy sons unite in one grand wish--


s: Preservèd Fish, the Deacon stern and true,


s: Told our New England what her sons should do,


s: And if they swerve from loyalty and right,


s: Then the whole land is lost indeed in night.


s: Our native land a land its native loves;


s: Its birth a deed obstetric without peer,


s: Its growth a source of wonder far and near.


s: To love it more behold how foreign shores


s: Sink into nothingness beside its stores;


s: Hyde Park at best--though counted ultra-grand--


s: Sum of all things by sleepless Nature wrought,


s: Refract, in prism immortal, from thy stars


s: To the stars bent incipient on our flag,


s: The beam translucent, neutrifying death,


s: The sun sinks softly to his Ev'ning Post,


s: The sun swells grandly to his morning crown;


s: Yet not a star our Flag of Heav'n has lost,


s: And not a sunset stripe with him goes down.


s: So thrones may fall, and from the dust of those


s: New thrones may rise, to totter like the last;


s: But still our Country's nobler planet glows


s: While the eternal stars of Heaven are fast.


s: The little brown squirrel hops in the corn,


s: I love the squirrel that hops in the corn,


s: And the emerald pigeon that nods his head,


s: Has reached our melting heart of hearts,


s: I've known the day when brats, not quite


s: The markets blushed with fruits and flowers;


s: The honeyed wine of your love is drained;


s: Matilda Maud Mackenzie frankly hadn't any chin,


s: Her hands were rough, her feet she turned invariably in;


s: That is called, for sake of euphony, askew.


s: From what I say about her, don't imagine I desire


s: A prejudice against this worthy creature to inspire.


s: When I met her, but of course I wasn't blind!


s: Matilda Maud Mackenzie had a habit that was droll,


s: She spent her morning seated on a rock or on a knoll,


s: And she never hit the willow-tree at all!


s: One day as Miss Mackenzie with uncommon ardour tried


s: To hit the mark, the missile flew exceptionally wide.


s: Remarked, "Well now I ast yer, who'd 'er thunk?"


s: But what a marvel followed! From the pool at once there rose


s: A frog, the sphere of rubber balanced deftly on his nose.


s: "Fair maid," he said, "I beg you do not hesitate or wince,


s: (Which the publishers have bidden me to shun!)


s: Matilda Maud Mackenzie said, as if she meant to scold;


s: "I _never_! Why, you forward thing! Now, ain't you awful bold!"


s: (And he really didn't look it overmuch!)


s: In one's language one conservative should be;


s: Speech is silver and it never should be free!


s: I would that all men my hard case might know;


s: Nor having shekels of silver wherewith to pay,


s: She has turned and is departed with my key;


s: Wherefore, not even as other boarders free,


s: I sing (as prisoners to their dungeon stones


s: When for ten days they expiate a spree):


s: Behold the deeds that are done of Mrs. Jones!


s: One night and one day have I wept my woe;


s: If I shall have to write to Briggs & Co.,


s: To pray them to advance the requisite tin


s: For ransom of their salesman, that he may


s: As those I hear now flocking from their tea,


s: Dry bread and water have been servèd me.


s: The heart of the young he-boarder doth win,


s: That fetcheth him, as fetcheth the banco skin


s: The innocent rustic. For my part, I pray:


s: That all of that arduous wooing not atones


s: For Saturday shortness of trade dollars three?


s: Around her waist. She wears a buckle whose pin


s: Galleth the crook of the young man's elbow;


s: I forget not, for I that youth have been.


s: Yet once, I mind me, Smith was forced to stay


s: Close in his room. Not calm, as I, was he;


s: But his noise brought no pleasaunce, verily.


s: Small ease he gat of playing on the bones,


s: Or hammering on his stove-pipe, that I see.


s: Behold the deeds that are done of Mrs. Jones!


s: Thou, for whose fear the figurative crow


s: I eat, accursed be thou and all thy kin!


s: Thee will I show up--yea, up will I show


s: Thy too thick buckwheats, and thy tea too thin.


s: Ay! here I dare thee, ready for the fray!


s: Thou dost not keep a first-class house, I say!


s: It does not with the advertisements agree.


s: And thou hast harbored Jacobses and Cohns,


s: Boarders! the worst I have not told to ye:


s: She hath stole my trousers, that I may not flee


s: Privily by the window. Hence these groans,


s: There is no fleeing in a _robe de nuit_.


s: "O crikey, Bill!" she ses to me, she ses.


s: "Look sharp," ses she, "with them there sossiges.


s: Yea! sharp with them there bags of mysteree!


s: For lo!" she ses, "for lo! old pal," ses she,


s: "I'm blooming peckish, neither more nor less."


s: Was it not prime--I leave you all to guess


s: How prime!--to have a Jude in love's distress


s: Come spooning round, and murmuring balmilee,


s: For in such rorty wise doth Love express


s: His blooming views, and asks for your address,


s: And makes it right, and does the gay and free.


s: Was pals. And if that ain't good business,


s: As green as those said sprays and boughs,


s: As fresh and sweet as those said flowers.


s: Love, 'mid the aforesaid boughs, inshrines


s: In freehold nests; themselves their heirs,


s: Where tender plaintiffs actions bring,--


s: What lightning shall light it? What thunder shall tell it?


s: In the height of the height, in the depth of the deep?


s: Shall the sea-storm declare it, or paint it, or smell it?


s: Shall the price of a slave be its treasure to keep?


s: When the night has grown near with the gems on her bosom,


s: When the white of mine eyes is the whiteness of snow,


s: When the cabman--in liquor--drives a blue roan, a kicker,


s: Ah!--Ah, again!--You will come to me, fall on me--


s: And I? I shall not be at home when you call on me,


s: But stray down the wind like a gentleman's hat:


s: I shall list to the stars when the music is purple,


s: Be drawn through a pipe, and exhaled into rings;


s: Turn to sparks, and then straightway get stuck in the gateway


s: That stands between speech and unspeakable things.


s: As I mentioned before, by what light is it lighted?


s: Oh! Is it fourpence, or piebald, or gray?


s: Is it a mayor that a mother has knighted


s: Or is it a horse of the sun and the day?


s: Is it a pony? If so, who will change it?


s: O golfer, be quiet, and mark where it scuds,


s: And think of its paces--of owners and races--


s: Relinquish the links for the study of studs.


s: Not understood? Take me hence! Take me yonder!


s: There where the Ganges and other gees wander,


s: And uncles and antelopes act for the best,


s: And all things are mixed and run into each other


s: In a violet twilight of virtues and sins,


s: With the church-spires below you and no one to show you


s: Where the curate leaves off and the pew-rent begins!


s: In the black night through the rank grass the snakes peer--


s: The cobs and the cobras are partial to grass--


s: And a boy wanders out with a knowledge of Shakespeare


s: That's not often found in a boy of his class,


s: And a girl wanders out without any knowledge,


s: And a bird wanders out, and a cow wanders out,


s: Likewise one wether, and they wander together--


s: There's a good deal of wandering lying about.


s: But its all for the best; I've been told by my friends, Sir,


s: That in verses I'd written the meaning was slight;


s: I've tried with no meaning--to make 'em amends, Sir--


s: And find that this kind's still more easy to write.


s: The title has nothing to do with the verses,


s: But think of the millions--the laborers who


s: In busy employment find deepest enjoyment,


s: And yet, like my title, have nothing to do!


s: The hale John Sprat--oft called for shortness, Jack--


s: Had married--had, in fact, a wife--and she


s: He, who had loved her when she was a girl,


s: Compass'd her too, with sweet observances;


s: For he--liking no fat himself--he never did,


s: With jealous care piled up her plate with lean,


s: Not knowing that all lean was hateful to her.


s: And day by day she thought to tell him o't,


s: And watched the fat go out with envious eye,


s: But could not speak for bashful delicacy.


s: At last it chanced that on a winter day,


s: The beef--a prize joint!--little was but fat;


s: So fat, that John had all his work cut out,


s: To snip out lean fragments for his wife,


s: Leaving, in very sooth, none for himself;


s: Which seeing, she spoke courage to her soul,


s: Took up her fork, and, pointing to the joint


s: Where 'twas the fattest, piteously she said;


s: "Oh, husband! full of love and tenderness!


s: Pick out the lean for me. I like it not!


s: Nay, loathe it--'tis on the fat that I would feast;


s: Then he, dropping his horny-handled carving knife,


s: Sprinkling therewith the gravy o'er her gown,


s: Answer'd, amazed: "What! you like fat, my wife!


s: And never told me. Oh, this is not kind!


s: Think what your reticence has wrought for us;


s: How all the fat sent down unto the maidWho


s: likes not fat--for such maids never do--


s: Has been put in the waste-tub, sold for grease,


s: Oh, wife! this news is good; for since, perforce,


s: A joint must be not fat nor lean, but both;


s: Our different tastes will serve our purpose well;


s: For, while you eat the fat--the lean to me


s: Falls as my cherished portion. Lo! 'tis good!"


s: So henceforth--he that tells the tale relates--


s: In John Sprat's household waste was quite unknown;


s: For he the lean did eat, and she the fat,


s: And thus the dinner-platter was all cleared.


s: And this reft house is that the which he built,


s: Lamented Jack! and here his malt he piled.


s: Cautious in vain! these rats that squeak so wild,


s: Squeak not unconscious of their father's guilt.


s: Did he not see her gleaming through the glade!


s: Belike 'twas she, the maiden all forlorn.


s: What though she milked no cow with crumpled horn,


s: Yet, aye she haunts the dale where erst she strayed:


s: And aye before her stalks her amorous knight!


s: Still on his thighs their wonted brogues are worn,


s: And through those brogues, still tattered and betorn,


s: His hindward charms gleam an unearthly white.


s: With his Afghan guards and his eunuchs blind,


s: And the harem that stretched for a league behind.


s: Here i' the grass he should loafing lie,


s: Should fill me a crystal bucket of wine,


s: Should wipe my mouth when I sighed, "Enough!"


s: Should sit in the hall when the hunt was o'er,


s: To yow, my Purse, and to noon other wighte,


s: For whiche unto your mercie thus I crye,


s: Beethe hevy ageyne, or elles mote I die!


s: Now voucheth sauf this day, or hyt be nighte,


s: That I of yow the blissful soun may here,


s: Or see your colour lyke the sunnè brighte,


s: Now, Purse! that ben to me my lyve's lyghte,


s: Out of this toune helpè me through your myghte,


s: Syn that you wole not bene my tresorere;


s: Power to thine elbow, thou newest of sciences,


s: All the old landmarks are ripe for decay;


s: Wars are but shadows, and so are alliances,


s: Bread's a mistake--Science offers a stone;


s: Mighty the great evolutionist teacher is


s: Lord! what an ape the Professor or Preacher is


s: Man's an Anthropoid--he cannot help that, you know--


s: He's but a branch of the _catarrhine_ cat, you know--


s: Monkey I mean--that's an ape with a cold.


s: Fast dying out are man's later Appearances,


s: Now of Creation completed the clearance is,


s: Primitive Life--Organisms were chemical,


s: Stands for Divinity--sounds much the same--


s: Only can doubt whence the lot of us came.


s: Down on your knees, Superstition and Flunkeydom!


s: Won't you accept such plain doctrines instead?


s: What is so simple as primitive Monkeydom


s: Born in the sea with a cold in its head?


s: And foul seems all that fair I fancied--


s: Yet learn that strange delight may lurk in self-disgust.


s: And I would I were certain which of the pair


s: Pout, blood-red lips that burst a-writhe,


s: Uprears the monster now his slobberous head,


s: Its filamentous chaps her ankles brushing;


s: Her twice-five roseal toes are cramped in dread,


s: Each maidly instep mauven-pink is flushing.


s: Pale Patricians, sunk in self-indulgence,


s: Blink your blearèd eyes. Behold the Sun--


s: That love, confounding these with those,


s: Of the once ensanguined comb vermeil as wine;


s: Hails breach o' the hectic dawn of yon New Year,


s: Evolved spontaneous; hails with tenant trump


s: The spiriting prime o' the clashed carillon-peal;


s: Ruffling her caudal plumes derisive of scuts;


s: Inconscient how she stalks an immarcessibly absurd


s: Delirant on the tramp goes littoralwise.


s: His Flag at furl, portmanteaued; drains to the dregs


s: The penultimate brandy-bottle, coal-on-the-head-piece gift


s: Of who avenged the Old Sea-Rover's smirch.


s: Marchant he treads the all-along of inarable drift


s: Empirical on to the Menelik-buffered, enhavened blue,


s: Rhyming--see Cantique I.--with doodle-doo.


s: Infuriate she kicked against Imperial fact;


s: What pin-stab should have stained Another's pelt


s: Volant to nigh meridian. Whence rebuffed,


s: At need's pinch, sick with spleen of the rudely cuffed


s: Below her breath she cursed; she cursed the hour


s: When on her spring for him the young Tyrannical broke


s: Amid the unhallowed wedlock's vodka-shower,


s: She passionate, he dispassionate; tricked


s: Her wits to eye-blind; borrowed the ready as for dower;


s: Till from the trance of that Hymettus-moon


s: Pensioned with Rescripts other aid declined


s: By the plumped leech saturate urging Peace


s: In guise of heavy-armed Gospeller to men,


s: Tyrannical unto fraternal equal liberal, her. Not she;


s: Shall shatter her beer-reek alien police


s: The just-now pluripollent; not till then.


s: Squeezing her pliable vitals nourishes feud


s: Churns she the skim o' the gutter's crust


s: The Anticipated, ripe to clinch the whole;


s: Queen-bee to hive the hither and thither volant swarm.


s: Black as her Baker's charger; towering; visibly gorged


s: With blood of traitors. Knee-grip stiff,


s: Embossed the Patriot's brow with hieroglyph


s: Behold her, pranked with spurs for bloody sport,


s: Breach of the hectic dawn of yon New Year.


s: Tireless to play her old primeval games;


s: Like sails of a galleon, rudder hard amort


s: Fronting the hazard to dare of a dual blast


s: The intern and the extern, blizzards both.


s: Give me the flap-flap of the soaring Eagle's pinions!


s: I see them sling the slug and chew the plug;


s: Both the above rhymes are purely accidental, and contrary to my


s: O ye Colonels! I am with you (I too am a Colonel and on the


s: Then, then (methinks), how bravely shows


s: _Here is the tale--and you must make the most of it!


s: Here is the rhyme--ah, listen and attend!


s: Backwards--forwards--read it all and boast of it


s: If you are anything the wiser at the end!_


s: Or else, or ever we reach our home, there waiteth an angry dame--


s: Nor keep the spoil of the good brown soil in the rim of your


s: And all for the cause of conventional laws and the soap-makers'


s: "Unless for a prize the runner tries? The truth indeed ye heard,


s: For I can run as the antelope runs, and I can turn like a hare:--


s: The price you fix at two-and-six, it shall not be denied;


s: He ran down hill in front of Jill like a summer-lightning flash--


s: The swirling rain of a comet's train he saw, as he swiftly fell--


s: And he lies in bed with a broken head in a halo of vinegar;


s: _Here is the tale_--_and now you have the whole of it,_


s: _Here is the story_--_well and wisely planned,_


s: _Beauty_--_Duty_--_these make up the soul of it_--


s: _But, ah, my little readers, will you mark and understand?_


s: They were days when my heart was volcanic,


s: But my thoughts they were palsied and sear,--


s: And I said: "This looks perfectly regal;


s: For this bar-keeper will not inveigle,--


s: Till it sorrowfully trailed in the dust.


s: But were stopped by the warning of doom--


s: By some words that were warning of doom.


s: And I said, "What is written, sweet sister,


s: She sobbed, as she answered, "All liquors


s: As the streets were deserted and drear--


s: That I journeyed--I journeyed down here--


s: On this night of all nights in the year.


s: And this Nightingale, kept by one Shear."


s: As I was walkin' the jungle round, a-killin' of tigers an' time;


s: I seed a kind of an author man a writin' a rousin' rhyme;


s: It 'ad army in it, an' navy in it, an' jungle sprinkled through,


s: For 'e was a poet--'er majesty's poet--soldier an' sailor, too!


s: 'E's often Scot an' 'e's often not, but 'is work is never through


s: Or 'e'll sing you a Dipsy Chantey, as the bloomin' bo'suns do,


s: For 'e is a poet--'er majesty's poet--soldier an' sailor too.


s: An' written up all there is to write--soldier an' sailor, too!


s: And the window-pane is blurred with rain


s: "Hath love an end, thou more than friend,


s: But I cannot speak, for my voice is weak,


s: With mine own larder's dainties, where, indeed,


s: Such cakes of myrrh or fine alyssum seed,


s: Thin as a mallow-leaf, embrowned o' the top.


s: Which, cracking, lets the ropy, trickling drop


s: Of sweetness touch your tongue, or potted nests


s: With cold conglomerate tidbits--ah, the bill!


s: (You say), but given it were mine to fill


s: My chests, the case so put were yours, we'll say


s: (This counter, here, your post, as mine to-day),


s: And you've an eye to luxuries, what harm


s: In smoothing down your palate with the charm


s: Yourself concocted? There we issue take;


s: This puffy paunch of glazed embroidered cake,


s: So breaks, through use, the lust of watering chaps


s: And craveth plainness: do I so? Perhaps;


s: But that's my secret. Find me such a man


s: Uplift o'er water, sucking rosy draughts


s: From Noah's vineyard,--crisp, enticing wafts


s: Yon kitchen now emits, which to your sense


s: Qualms to the stomach,--I, you see, am slow


s: You understand? A venison haunch, _haul gout_.


s: Ducks that in Cimbrian olives mildly stew.


s: And sprigs of anise, might one's teeth provoke


s: To taste, and so we wear the complex yoke


s: Just as it suits,--my liking, I confess,


s: More to receive, and to partake no less,


s: Still more obese, while through thick adipose


s: Sensation shoots, from testing tongue to toes


s: Far off, dim-conscious, at the body's verge,


s: Where the froth-whispers of its waves emerge


s: On the untasting sand. Stay, now! a seat


s: To the dripping and the dropping of my tears.


s: And the debit and the credit are as one to him and me!


s: Lucre of the market, was the most that I could raise!


s: Devils held for me the inkstand and the pen;


s: Where the tempest whispers, "Pay him!" and I answer, "Nevermore!"


s: Sitting down with me to clams and the chowder-kettle;


s: Plunging naked at my side into the sleek, irascible surges;


s: Soothing me with the strain that I neither permit nor prohibit;


s: Everywhere, everywhere, crying aloud for me;


s: Crying, I hear; and I satisfy them out of my nature;


s: Crowding, hundreds of thousands, cosmical multitudes,


s: Buss me and hang on my hips and lean up to my shoulders,


s: Everywhere listening to my yawp and glad whenever they hear it;


s: Everywhere saying, say it, Walt, we believe it:


s: To come with him for "one more last ride."


s: That, as I leaned forward to stir the fire,


s: On a brown old cob both broad and strong.


s: He looked as he does when he's writing verse,


s: Or wondering Where he has left his purse;


s: But he neither listened nor spoke to me.


s: I praised his horse, and I smiled the smile


s: Which was wont to move him once in a while.


s: I said I was wearing his favorite flowers,


s: But I wasted my words on the desert air,


s: For he rode with a fixed and gloomy stare.


s: As I don't read verse, I shan't find out.


s: It was something subtle and deep, no doubt,


s: Proposed on horseback, or would have done,


s: Had his horse not most opportunely shied;


s: Which perhaps was due to the unseen flick


s: He received from my whip; 'twas a scurvy trick,


s: But I never could do with that young man,--


s: Well, I must say, never, since time began,


s: And the cob bounds on with tireless stride.


s: I, as a rule use rhyme, he does not; therefore, I am his Superior


s: No subject is too small, too insignificant, for Nature's poet.


s: This must be so, for he says it himself.


s: Erase your national advertisements of liver pads and cures for


s: rheumatism from your public monuments, and inscribe thereon in


s: Crisp leaf of the lettuce shall glitter,


s: And life's swift stream flows straighter,


s: Maidens of England, take caution by she!


s: And always remember to take the door-key.


s: In Ballades things always contrive to get lost,


s: Are last year's roses and last year's frost?


s: And where are the fashions we used to wear?


s: And what is a "gentleman," and what is a "player"?


s: Can you reap the tret as well as the tare?


s: In the lap of my mistress false and fair?


s: Her grave is green and her tombstone mossed;


s: And where is King William, of Leicester Square?


s: And the rod and the child they would not spare?


s: When herring are sold at three halfpence a pair?


s: And what in the world is the Golden Stair?


s: Like Clarence, for love of liquor there?


s: If you do not remember, I don't much care


s: If thou would'st stand on Etna's burning brow,


s: With smoke above, and roaring flame below;


s: And gaze adown that molten gulf reveal'd,


s: Till thy soul shudder'd and thy senses reel'd:


s: If thou wouldst beard Niag'ra in his pride,


s: Scale all alone some dizzy Alpine _haut_,


s: Would'st tempt all deaths, all dangers that may be--


s: This vast round world, I say, if thou wouldst view it--


s: Some cheerful chance will right the apple-cart,


s: The devious pig will gain the lucky mart,


s: The upside down will turn to right side up,


s: The stiffened lip compel that slipping cup,


s: The wrong side in will yet turn right side out,


s: The long-time lost come down yon cormorant spout.


s: Twas late, and the gay company was gone,


s: Of orange-leaves, and sweet verbena came


s: Through the unshutter'd window on the air.


s: And the rich pictures with their dark old tints


s: Hung like a twilight landscape, and all things


s: Was leaning on her harp, and I had stay'd


s: To whisper what I could not when the crowd


s: Hung on her look like worshipers. I knelt,


s: To the cool breath of reason, told my love.


s: There was no answer, and I took the hand


s: That rested on the strings, and press'd a kiss


s: That I was not indifferent to her heart,


s: Might have the seal of one sweet syllable.


s: I kiss'd the small white fingers as I spoke,


s: And she withdrew them gently, and upraised


s: Her forehead from its resting-place, and look'd


s: The editor sat with his head in his hands


s: He was tired of the ever-increasing demands


s: The clamor for copy was scorned with a sneer,


s: "Won't somebody come with a dollar to cheer


s: Just then on the stairway a footstep was heard


s: And the flickering hope that had been long deferred


s: And there entered a man with a cynical smile


s: Who remarked, as he tilted a sorry old tile


s: "I have come here to pay"--Here the editor cried:


s: "You're as welcome as flowers in spring!


s: Sit down in this easy armchair by my side,


s: A lemonade dashed with a little old wine


s: Ah! Here we are! This, I assure you, is fine;


s: The visitor drank with a relish, and smoked


s: And the editor, beaming with merriment, joked


s: And then, when the stock of refreshments was gone,


s: In accents distorted somewhat by a yawn,


s: But the generous scribe, with a wave of his hand,


s: And brought in a melon, the finest the land


s: And the visitor, wearing a singular grin,


s: And the juice, as it ran in a stream from his chin,


s: Washed the mud of the pike from his boot.


s: Then, mopping his face on a favorite sheet


s: And he said, as the editor sought his address,


s: "I came here to pay--my respects to the press,


s: Know'st thou not "mercy is not strain'd,


s: And this here warment's prigg'd your wipe."


s: The flocks and herds their pleasure take;


s: When nightingales pour from their throats


s: His eye was stern and wild--his cheek was pale and cold as clay;


s: Upon his tightened lip a smile of fearful meaning lay.


s: He mused awhile--but not in doubt--no trace of doubt was there;


s: It was the steady solemn pause of resolute despair.


s: A sickness crept upon my heart, and dizzy swam my headI


s: could not stir--I could not cry--I felt benumbed and dead;


s: I closed my eyes in utter fear, and strove to think no more.


s: Again I looked: a fearful change across his face had passed--


s: He seemed to rave--on cheek and lip a flaky foam was cast;


s: And ere I could arrest his hands, he had--begun to _shave_!


s: The sun is in the sky, mother, the flowers are springing fair,


s: And the melody of woodland birds is stirring in the air;


s: The river, smiling to the sky, glides onward to the sea,


s: And happiness is everywhere, oh, mother, but with me!


s: They are going to the church, mother--I hear the marriage bell


s: It booms along the upland--oh! it haunts me like a knell;


s: He leads her on his arm, mother, he cheers her faltering step,


s: And closely to his side she clings--she does, the demirep!


s: But he will not think of me, mother, his broken-hearted Jane!


s: He said I kept him off and on, in hopes of higher game--


s: And it may be that I did, mother; but who hasn't done the same.


s: I did not know my heart, mother--I know it now too late;


s: I thought that I without a pang could wed some nobler mate;


s: But no nobler suitor sought me--and he has taken wing,


s: And my heart is gone, and I am left a lone and blighted thing.


s: You may lay me in my bed, mother--my head is throbbing sore;


s: And, mother, prithee, let the sheets be duly aired before;


s: And, if you'd please, my mother dear, your poor desponding child,


s: "Then give,--oh, first, best antidote,--


s: I have watch'd thee with rapture, and dwelt on thy charms,


s: As link'd in Love's fetters we wander'd each day;


s: And each night I have sought a new life in thy arms,


s: And sigh'd that our union could last not for aye.


s: But thy life now depends on a frail silken thread,


s: Which I even by kindness may cruelly sever,


s: And I look to the moment of parting with dread,


s: For I feel that in parting I lose thee forever.


s: Sole being that cherish'd my poor troubled heart!


s: Thou know'st all its secrets--each joy and each grief;


s: And in sharing them all thou did'st ever impart


s: To its sorrows a gentle and soothing relief.


s: The last of a long and affectionate race,


s: As thy days are declining I love thee the more,


s: For I feel that thy loss I can never replace--


s: That thy death will but leave me to weep and deplore.


s: Unchanged, thou shalt live in the mem'ry of years,


s: I cannot--I will not--forget what thou wert!


s: While the thoughts of thy love as they call forth my tears,


s: In fancy will wash thee once more--|My Last Shirt|.


s: Come nurse my feeble fancy in your arms,


s: Though I, and thee, and fancy town-pent lay,


s: Come, call around, a world of country charms.


s: Let all this room, these walls dissolve away,


s: And bring me Surrey's fields to take their place:


s: This floor be grass, and draughts as breezes play;


s: Yon curtains trees, to wave in summer's face;


s: My bed, a bank, on which to muse and dream.


s: The spell is wrought: imagination swells


s: My sleeping-room to hills, and woods, and dells!


s: I walk abroad, for naught my footsteps hinder,


s: And fling my arms. Oh! mi! I've broke the _winder_!


s: One, who is not, we see; but one, whom we see not, is;


s: Surely, this is not that; but that is assuredly this.


s: What, and wherefore, and whence: for under is over and under;


s: If thunder could be without lightning, lightning could be without


s: Doubt is faith in the main; but faith, on the whole, is doubt;


s: We cannot believe by proof; but could we believe without?


s: Why, and whither, and how? for barley and rye are not clover;


s: Neither are straight lines curves; yet over is under and over.


s: One and two are not one; but one and nothing is two;


s: Truth can hardly be false, if falsehood cannot be true.


s: Parallels all things are; yet many of these are askew;


s: You are certainly I; but certainly I am not you.


s: One, whom we see not, is; and one, who is not, we see;


s: Fiddle, we know, is diddle; and diddle, we take it, is dee.


s: These that we feel in the blood of our blushes that thicken and


s: threaten with throbs through the throat?


s: Thicken and thrill as a theatre thronged at appeal of an actor's


s: Fainter with fear of the fires of the future than pale with the


s: Only this oracle opens Olympian, in mystical moods and triangular


s: While the hope in the heart of a hero is bruised by the breach of


s: Shirk work, think slink off, twist friend's wrist?


s: Where that spined sand's lined band's the bay--


s: Lined blind with true sea's blue, as due--


s: Burst worst fate's weight's in one burst gun?


s: A man's own yacht, blown--What? off land?


s: Tack back, or veer round here, then--queer!


s: Love's doves make break life's ropes, eh? Tropes!


s: Faith's brig, baulked, sides caulked, rides at road;


s: Hope's gropes befogged, storm-dogged and bogged--


s: Wrinkling--breeze quick, tease thick, ere day,


s: Clear sheer wave's sheen of green, I mean,


s: Shells' bells--boy's joys that hap to snap!


s: It's just sea's fun, breeze done, to spite


s: God's rods that scourge her surge, I'd urge--


s: Crank plank, split spritsail--mark, sea's lark!


s: Seemed--screamed, shrieked, wreaked on kin for sin!


s: When for mirth's yell earth's knell seemed please


s: Bobbed, sobbed, gaped, aped, the plaice in face!


s: None heard, 'tis odds, his--God's--folk's howls.


s: Time's crimes mark dark men's types, in stripes


s: Broad as fen's lands men's hands were wont


s: Leave grieve unploughed, though proud and loud


s: His shop might hold bright gold, engrossible


s: By spy--spring's air takes there no care


s: But gold bells chime in time there, coined--


s: Gold! Old Sphinx winks there--"Read my screed!"


s: (Through new craft's stealth) with health and wealth--


s: (Miss this chance, glance untried aside?)


s: Weak--meek--mild--child of woe, you know!


s: But theft, I doubt, my lout calls crime.


s: Shrink? Think! Love's dawn in pawn--you spawn


s: On red-ribbed sands where seaweeds shone;


s: You see this pebble-stone? It's a thing I bought


s: Of a bit of a chit of a boy i' the mid o' the day--


s: I like to dock the smaller parts-o'-speech,


s: As we curtail the already cur-tailed cur


s: (You catch the paronomasia, play 'po' words?)


s: Did, rather, i' the pre-Landseerian days.


s: Well, to my muttons. I purchased the concern,


s: And clapt it i' my poke, having given for same


s: "Chop" was my snickering dandiprat's own term--


s: One shilling and fourpence, current coin o' the realm.


s: Pence, one and fourpence--you are with me, sir?--


s: What hour it skills not: ten or eleven o' the clock,


s: Go shop or sight-see--bar a spit o' rain!)


s: Hm--hm--how runs the jargon? being on the throne.


s: Such, sir, are all the facts, succinctly put,


s: The basis or substratum--what you will--


s: "Not much in 'em either," quoth perhaps simple Hodge.


s: But there's a superstructure. Wait a bit.


s: That shilling--and for matter o' that, the pence--


s: (_Mecum's_ the Latin, make a note o' that)


s: When I popp'd pen i' stand, scratched ear, wiped snout,


s: Sniff'd--tch!--at snuffbox; tumbled up, he-heed,


s: Haw-haw'd (not he-haw'd, that's another guess thing):


s: Then fumbled at, and stumbled out of, door,


s: And _in vestibulo_, i' the lobby to-wit,


s: And so forth; and, complete with hat and gloves,


s: And ombrifuge (Lord love you!) cas o' rain,


s: I flopped forth, 'sbuddikins! on my own ten toes,


s: And went clump-clumping up hill and down dale


s: To find myself o' the sudden i' front o' the boy.


s: Put case I hadn't 'em on me, could I ha' bought


s: This pebble-thing, o' the boy-thing? Q. E. D.


s: That's proven without aid for mumping Pope,


s: (Isn't it, old Fatchops? You're in Euclid now.)


s: So, having the shilling--having i' fact a lot--


s: And pence and halfpence, ever so many o' them,


s: What nouns 'crease short i' the genitive, Fatchops, eh?)


s: O, the boy, a bare-legg'd beggarly son of a gun,


s: For one-and-fourpence. Here we are again.


s: Now Law steps in, bewigged, voluminous-jaw'd;


s: Was the transaction illegal? Law shakes head.


s: Perpend, sir, all the bearings of the case.


s: At first the coin was mine, the chattel his.


s: I' the boy and his assigns till ding o' doom;


s: (I think I hear the Abate mouth out that.)


s: To have and hold the same to him and them ...


s: Whereas the pebble and every part thereof,


s: Or shall, will, may, might, can, could, would, or should,


s: _Subaudi cætera_--clap we to the close--


s: For what's the good of law in such a case o' the kind


s: This settled, I resume the thread o' the tale.


s: Now for a touch o' the vendor's quality.


s: He says a gen'lman bought a pebble of him,


s: (This pebble i' sooth, sir, which I hold i' my hand)--


s: And paid for 't, _like_ a gen'lman, on the nail.


s: "Did I o'ercharge him a ha'penny? Devil a bit.


s: Fiddlepin's end! Get out, you blazing ass!


s: Gabble o' the goose. Don't bugaboo-baby _me_!


s: --There's the transaction viewed in the vendor's light.


s: Next ask that dumpled hag, stood snuffling by,


s: With her three frowsy blowsy brats o' babes,


s: The scum o' the Kennel, cream o' the filth-heap--Faugh!


s: Aie, aie, aie, aie! [Greek: otototototoi],


s: ('Stead which we blurt out, Hoighty toighty now)--


s: And the baker and candlestick maker, and Jack and Gill.


s: Blear'd Goody this and queasy Gaffer that,


s: Ask the Schoolmaster, Take Schoolmaster first.


s: A stone, and pay for it _rite_ on the square,


s: _Propria quæ maribus_, gentleman's property now


s: _In proprium usum_, for his private ends,


s: The boy he chucked a brown i' the air, and bit


s: I' the face the shilling; heaved a thumping stone


s: At a lean hen that ran cluck-clucking by,


s: (And hit her, dead as nail i' post o' door,)


s: Then _abiit_--What's the Ciceronian phrase?


s: _Excessit_, _evasit_, _erupit_--off slogs boy;


s: Off like bird, _avi similis_--(you observed


s: The dative? Pretty i' the Mantuan!)--_Anglice_


s: Off in three flea skips. _Hactenus_, so far,


s: So good, _tam bene. Bene, satis, male_,--


s: Where was I with my trope 'bout one in a quag?


s: O' number, _et persona_, and person. _Ut_,


s: Instance: _Sol ruit_, down flops sun, _et_ and,


s: _Montes umbrantur_, out flounce mountains. Pah!


s: You see the trick on't, though, and can yourself


s: It takes up about eighty thousand lines,


s: And might, odds-bobs, sir! in judicious hands


s: (_Butter and eggs and a pound of cheese_)


s: And her spectacles lay on her apron'd knees.


s: Till the cow said "I die," and the goose asked "Why?"


s: And the dog said nothing, but search'd for fleas.


s: The farmer he strode through the square farmyard;


s: His last brew of ale was a trifle hard--


s: The connection of which the plot one sees.


s: The farmer's daughter hath frank blue eyes;


s: She hears the rooks caw in the windy skies,


s: As she sits at her lattice and shells her peas.


s: The farmer's daughter hath ripe red lips;


s: If you try to approach her, away she skips


s: Over tables and chairs with apparent ease.


s: The farmer's daughter hath soft brown hair;


s: And I met with a ballad, I can't say where,


s: Which wholly consisted of lines like these.


s: She sat with her hands 'neath her dimpled cheeks,


s: (_Butter and eggs and a pound of cheese_)


s: And spake not a word. While a lady speaks


s: There is hope, but she didn't even sneeze.


s: She sat, with her hands 'neath her crimson cheeks;


s: She gave up mending her father's breeks,


s: And let the cat roll in her new chemise.


s: She sat with her hands 'neath her burning cheeks,


s: And gazed at the piper for thirteen weeks;


s: Then she follow'd him o'er the misty leas.


s: Her sheep follow'd her, as their tails did them,


s: And this song is consider'd a perfect gem,


s: And as to the meaning, it's what you please.


s: Short-frock'd, still yields me pinks in plenty;


s: I've more than once been scratched and bitten


s: And every picket went straight up and down,


s: All painted green, all pointed at the top,


s: Unto two several cross-beams, which did go,


s: Not as the pickets, but quite otherwise,


s: And they two crossed, but back of all were posts.


s: O beauteous picket fence, can I not draw


s: Instruction from thee? Yea, for thou dost teach,


s: To that which seems all at cross purposes,


s: But, oh! not purposeless, for even as they


s: Do keep stray cows from trespass, we, no doubt,


s: But where the posts came in, I could not tell.


s: There were three cubes within her hands,


s: I looked, and looked, and looked, and looked--


s: While the Pleiads all would leave off in the middle


s: This week is the third since you began."


s: "I'm writing a ballad; be still if you can,


s: What chickens are these between sea and heaven?)"


s: "But why does your figure appear so lean,


s: And why do you dress in sage, sage green?"


s: "Children should never be heard, if seen,


s: What fowls are a-wing in the stormy heaven!)"


s: And why are your skirts so funnily tight?"


s: "Be quiet, you torment, or how can I write,


s: How gathers thy train to the sea from the heaven!)"


s: "And who's Mother Carey, and what is her train,


s: And why do you call her again and again?"


s: "You troublesome boy, why that's the refrain,


s: What work is toward in the startled heaven?)"


s: "And what's a refrain? What a curious word,


s: Is the ballad you're writing about a sea-bird?"


s: "Not at all; why should it be? Don't be absurd,


s: Thy brood flies lower as lowers the heaven.)"


s: "The refrain you've studied a meaning had,


s: It gave strange force to a weird ballad.


s: But refrains have become a ridiculous 'fad,'


s: Has a bearing on nothing in earth or heaven.


s: "But the finical fashion has had its day,


s: And let's try in the style of a different lay


s: Collect your chickens and go to--heaven."


s: "Look in my face. My name is Used-to-was;


s: I am also called Played-out, and Done to Death,


s: The ballad-burden trick, now known too well,


s: And turned to scorn, and grown contemptible--


s: "What a cheap dodge I am! The cats who dart


s: Tin-kettled through the streets in wild surprise


s: And yet no critics praise the urchin's 'art,'


s: Who to the wretched creature's caudal part


s: Its foolish empty-jingling 'burden' ties."


s: Queen Which of the Whichbud garden of What's


s: Shine out, little Which, sunning over the bangs,


s: And as she Whistles a song of the Whence,


s: The Nowness cries, "She is near, she is near."


s: The Whoness murmurs, "Well, I should smile,"


s: Scintillate, scintillate, globule orific,


s: Fain would I fathom thy nature's specific.


s: When torrid Ph[oe]bus refuses his presence


s: And ceases to lamp with fierce incandescence,


s: Scintillate, scintillate, semper nocturnal.


s: Then the victim of hospiceless peregrination


s: Gratefully hails your minute coruscation.


s: He could not determine his journey's direction


s: But for your bright scintillating protection.


s: Oh, Mary had a little Lamb, regarding whose cuticular


s: The fluff exterior was white and kinked in each particular.


s: On each occasion when the lass was seen perambulating,


s: The little quadruped likewise was there a gallivating.


s: One day it did accompany her to the knowledge dispensary,


s: Which to every rule and precedent was recklessly contrary.


s: Exasperated, did eject the lamb from the interior.


s: Then Mary, on beholding such performance arbitrary,


s: And speculated on the case with wild conjectures various.


s: "Oh pecus amorem Mary habit omnia temporum."


s: That flowed from shoulder to ankle down,


s: With clear blue shadows along it thrown;


s: Round creamy temples her hair was shed;--


s: Eyes, like a dim sea, viewed from far,--


s: The chamber walls are cracked and bare;--


s: Where fragrant swine have made their bed,


s: There were two of us left in the berry-patch;


s: Bryan O'Lin and Jack had gone to Norwich.--


s: They called him Jack a' Nory, half in fun


s: And half because it seemed to anger him.--


s: So there we stood and let the berries go,


s: Talking of men we knew and had forgotten.


s: A sprawling, humpbacked mountain frowned on us


s: And blotted out a smouldering sunset cloud


s: That broke in fiery ashes. "Well," he said,


s: "Old Adam Brown is dead and gone; you'll never


s: A long, brown coat that buttoned down before.


s: That's all I ever knew of him; I guess that's all


s: And then, without a pause to let me answer,


s: "Well, how _about_ him?" I managed to reply.


s: And stopped to pick his words before he spoke;


s: Choosing his phrases with a finicky care


s: Taken, third-hand, from last year's _New York Times_


s: There's more in Foster than you'd understand.


s: "What do you make of Solomon Grundy's case?


s: You know the gossip when he first came here.


s: Folks said he'd gone to smash in Lunenburg,


s: Had almost finished him. It was Sanders' job


s: That put new life in him. A clear, cool day;


s: 'Born on a Monday,' that is what they said.


s: Remember the next few days? I guess you don't;


s: That was before your time. Well, Tuesday night


s: He said he'd go to church; and just before the prayer


s: He blurts right out, 'I've come here to get christened.


s: I'll have a new name, too.' Well, sure enough


s: They christened him, though I've forgotten what;


s: And Etta Stark, (you know, the pastor's girl)


s: Her head upset by what she called romance,


s: She went and married him on Wednesday noon.


s: Thursday the sun or something in the air


s: Got in his blood and right off he took sick.


s: Friday the thing got worse, and so did he;


s: Buried on Sunday with the town decked out


s: As if it was a circus-day. And not a soul


s: Knew why they went or what he meant to them


s: Or what he died of. What would be _your_ guess?"


s: "Well," I replied, "it seems to me that he,


s: And tried to crowd too much in one short week.


s: He never knew 'em. He was just tired," he said.


s: Their life was a series of quibbles and queries


s: They argued at breakfast, they argued at tea,


s: And they argued from midnight to quarter past three.


s: The family Spratt-head was rather a fat-head,


s: He was selfish and priggish and worse, he was piggish--


s: He gave his wife fat--and _he_ gobbled the lean!


s: What's more, she was censured whenever she ventured


s: He said "It ain't tasteful, but we can't be wasteful;


s: But his coarseness exceeded all bounds of control


s: When he laughed at her Art and the State of her Soul.


s: So what with his jeering and fleering and sneering,


s: He bellowed "I'll teach ye to read Shaw and Nietzsche"--


s: "The place for a woman----" he'd start, very glib....


s: And so on, for two or three hours _ad lib_.


s: That at last she revolted. She up and she bolted


s: When she died, after breaking nine-tenths of the laws,


s: And _THE MORAL_ is this (though a bit abstruse):


s: What's sauce for a more or less proper goose,


s: When it rouses the violent, feminine dander,


s: The jaws that bite, the claws that plough!


s: One two! One two! and through and through


s: "You are old, Father William," the young man said,


s: And yet you incessantly stand on your head--


s: Do you think, at your age, it is right?"


s: "In my youth," Father William replied to his son,


s: But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,


s: "You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,


s: Yet you turned a back somersault in at the door--


s: "In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his gray locks,


s: By the use of this ointment--one shilling the box--


s: "You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak


s: Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak;


s: "In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,


s: And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw,


s: "You are old," said the youth; "one would hardly suppose


s: Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose--


s: "I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"


s: Said his father; "don't give yourself airs!


s: Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?


s: And stretching of the hands, and blinded eyes,


s: And a great darkness falling on my soul.


s: As the sin that was sweet in the sinning


s: Reliance on trade-marks, Sir)--so perhaps you'll


s: Excuse the digression--this cup which I hold


s: Light-poised--Bah, it's spilt in the bed!--well, let's on go--


s: Hold Bohea and sugar, Sir; if you were told


s: The sugar was salt, would the Bohea be Congo?


s: I called that milk"--she blushed with pride--


s: What a world of rapturous thought its fragrance brings to me!


s: But he always came home to tea, tea, tea, tea, tea,


s: (O weary mother, drive the cows to roost),


s: (O weary mother, drive the cows to roost);


s: (O weary mother, drive the cows to roost.)


s: Many for you. Allons, camerados, we will drink together,


s: O hand-in-hand! That tea-spoon, please, when you've done with it.


s: Eighteen-pence if the bottles are returned.


s: And you should come to my cold corpse and say,


s: Weeping and heartsick o'er my lifeless clay--


s: And you should come in deepest grief and woe--


s: And say: "Here's that ten dollars that I owe,"


s: And you should come to my cold corpse and kneel,


s: Clasping my bier to show the grief you feel,


s: And you should come to me, and there and then


s: Just even hint 'bout paying me that ten,


s: That shall soothe this restless feeling,


s: And the night shall be filled with comfort,


s: Shall fold up their blankets like Indians,


s: There's a bower of bean-vines in Benjamin's yard,


s: And the cabbages grow round it, planted for greens;


s: In the time of my childhood 'twas terribly hard


s: To bend down the bean-poles, and pick off the beans.


s: That bower and its products I never forget,


s: But oft, when my landlady presses me hard,


s: I think, are the cabbages growing there yet,


s: Are the bean-vines still bearing in Benjamin's yard?


s: No, the bean-vines soon withered that once used to wave,


s: But some beans had been gathered, the last that hung on;


s: And a soup was distilled in a kettle, that gave


s: All the fragrance of summer when summer was gone.


s: Thus memory draws from delight, ere it dies,


s: An essence that breathes of it awfully hard;


s: As thus good to my taste as 'twas then to my eyes,


s: Is that bower of bean-vines in Benjamin's yard.


s: That very time I saw, (but thou couldst not),


s: Walking between the garden and the barn,


s: Reuben, all armed; a certain aim he took


s: And loosed his bullet smartly from his gun,


s: As he would kill a hundred thousand hens.


s: But I might see young Reuben's fiery shot


s: Lodged in the chaste board of the garden fence,


s: And finds, too late, that man won't bend,


s: "They've missed the girl and purse beside,


s: And with the drenching rain their clothes


s: "Oh, haste thee, haste!" the lady cries,


s: John Thompson reached the landing place--


s: "Come back, come back!" he cried in woe,


s: 'Twas vain; they reached the other shore


s: Thin in the waist, with bushy head of hair,


s: As hath the seeded thistle, when a parle


s: It holds with Zephyr, ere it sendeth fair


s: Thereto his beard had not begun to bloom.


s: No brush had touched his cheek, or razor sheer;


s: No care had touched his cheek with mortal doom,


s: But new he was and bright, as scarf from Persian loom.


s: Ne carèd he for fish, or flesh, or fowl;


s: And sauces held he worthless as the chaff;


s: He 'sdeigned the swine-head at the wassail-bowl:


s: Ne with lewd ribbalds sat he cheek by jowl;


s: Ne with sly lemans in the scorner's chair;


s: But after water-brooks this pilgrim's soul


s: Panted and all his food was woodland air;


s: Though he would oft-times feast on gilliflowers rare.


s: _Tipping the wink_ to him was heathen Greek;


s: He sipped no "olden Tom," or "ruin blue,"


s: Or Nantz, or cherry-brandy, drunk full meek


s: By many a damsel brave and rouge of cheek;


s: Nor did he know each aged watchman's beat,


s: Who, as they walk abroad, make tinkling with their feet.


s: There were other girls in the neighborhood


s: For it spoiled the hat and gown and looks


s: We loved with a love that was lovely love,


s: And I often think as I sink on the brink


s: And it wasn't just best for her interest


s: _The original theme as John Howard Payne wrote it:_


s: 'Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam,


s: Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home!


s: A charm from the skies seems to hallow it there,


s: Which, seek through the world, is not met with elsewhere.


s: An exile from home, splendor dazzles in vain!


s: Oh, give me my lowly thatched cottage again!


s: The birds singing gaily that came at my call!


s: Give me them! and the peace of mind, dearer than all.


s: (_As Algernon Charles Swinburne might have wrapped it up


s: Though we wander on gusts of a god's breath, shaken and shifted,


s: The salt of us stings and is sore for the sobbing seas.


s: For home's sake hungry at heart, we sicken in pillared porches


s: Of bliss made sick for a life that is barren of bliss,


s: For the place whereon is a light out of heaven that sears not nor


s: (An exile from home, splendor dazzles in vain--)


s: For here we know shall no gold thing glisten,


s: No bright thing burn, and no sweet thing shine;


s: To words that work in the heart like wine.


s: What time we are set from our land apart,


s: For pain of passion and hunger of heart,


s: Though we walk with exiles fame faints to christen,


s: With song made splendent in the sight of men--


s: Being firstly hers, was hers most wholly then--


s: The dove's wings draw the drooping Erycine.


s: Give me these things then back, though the giving


s: There is no life without these worth living,


s: For the heart give the hope that it knows not,


s: Give the balm for the burn of the breast--


s: For the soul and the mind that repose not,


s: Jes' catch onter that streak o' the dawn!


s: I could slop over, stranger, in po'try--


s: Would spread out old Shakspoke cold dead.


s: Stranger, you freeze to this: there ain't no kinder gin-palace,


s: Nor no variety-show lays over a man's own rancho.


s: Maybe it hain't no style, but the Queen in the Tower o' London,


s: Thar is my ole gal, 'n' the kids, 'n' the rest o' my live-stock;


s: Smile more friendly-like than on any other locality.


s: Stranger, nowhere else I don't take no satisfaction.


s: Gimme my ranch, 'n' them friendly old Shanghai chickens--


s: I brung the original pair f'm the States in eighteen-'n'-fifty--


s: Gimme me them and the feelin' of solid domestic comfort.


s: Or I'll kill myself--Lizzie--she's left me--


s: I be derned! Howsomever, come in, pard--


s: With home-made wine and books that please,


s: Home! at the word, what blissful visions rise,


s: Lift us from earth, and draw us toward the skies;


s: 'Mid mirag'd towers, or meretricious joys,


s: Although we roam, one thought the mind employs:


s: Or lowly hut, good friend, or loftiest dome,


s: Earth knows no spot so holy as our Home.


s: There, where affection warms the father's breast,


s: There is the spot of heav'n most surely blest.


s: Howe'er we search, though wandering with the wind


s: Through frigid Zembla, or the heats of Ind,


s: Not elsewhere may we seek, nor elsewhere know,


s: The light of heaven upon our dark below.


s: When from our dearest hope and haven reft,


s: Delight nor dazzles, nor is luxury left,


s: To see again our hovel thatched with straw:


s: See birds that know our avenaceous store


s: Stoop to our hand, and thence repleted soar:


s: But, of all hopes the wanderer's soul that share,


s: His pristine peace of mind's his final prayer.


s: (_As Walt Whitman might have written all around it._)


s: You over there, young man with the guide-book, red-bound, covered


s: All you have to pay me is to take in my romanza.


s: bad day's business; the wife meets him in the marble pav'd


s: vestibule; she throws her arms about him; she presses him


s: close to her; she looks him full in the face with


s: affectionate eyes; the frown from his brow disappearing.


s: Darling, she says, Johnny has fallen down and cut his head; the


s: cook is going away, and the boiler leaks.


s: from the Elevated Railway train; the sewing-machine in a


s: corner; the small cook-stove; the whole family eating


s: cabbage around a kerosene lamp; of the clatter and roar and


s: groaning wail of the Elevated train unconscious; of the


s: Me, passant, in the train, of the cabbage not quite so


s: un-individual; the narrow halls; the gaudy, cheap


s: The janitor and the cook exchanging compliments up and down the


s: elevator-shaft; the refusal to send up more coal, the solid


s: splash of the water upon his head, the language he sends up


s: the shaft, the triumphant laughter of the cook, to her


s: widow's boy coming home from his first day down town; he is


s: flushed with happiness and pride; he is no longer a


s: school-boy, he is earning money; he takes on the airs of a


s: hard-coal fire, the slovenly Irish servant-girl making it,


s: the ashes on the hearth, the faded furniture, the private


s: provender hid away in the closet, the dreary backyard out


s: the window; the young girl at the glass, with her mouth full


s: of hairpins, doing up her hair to go downstairs and flirt


s: returned from prison--it was his first offense, and the


s: He is taking his first meal out of prison; he has been received


s: back, kiss'd, encourag'd to start again; his lungs, his


s: nostrils expand with the big breaths of free air; with


s: shame, with wonderment, with a trembling joy, his heart too,


s: The old mother busies herself about the table; she has ready for


s: him the dishes he us'd to like; the father sits with his


s: back to them, reading the newspaper, the newspaper shaking


s: and rustling much; the children hang wondering around the


s: prodigal--they have been caution'd: Do not ask where our Jim


s: has been; only say you are glad to see him.


s: The elder daughter is there, palefac'd, quiet; her young man


s: went back on her four years ago; his folks would not let him


s: marry a convict's sister. She sits by the window, sewing on


s: the children's clothes, the clothes not only patching up;


s: her hunger for children of her own invisibly patching up.


s: The brother looks up; he catches her eye, he fearful,


s: apologetic; she smiles back at him, not reproachfully


s: smiling, with loving pretence of hope smiling--it is too


s: much for him; he buries his face in the folds of the


s: smell of horse-hair furniture and mahogany varnish; the


s: ornaments on the what-not in the corner; the wax fruit,


s: dusty, sunken, sagged in, consumptive-looking, under a glass


s: globe, the sealing-wax imitation of coral; the cigar boxes


s: with shells plastered over, the perforated card-board motto.


s: The kitchen; the housewife sprinkling the clothes for the fine


s: ironing to-morrow--it is the Third-day night, and the plain


s: things are ready iron'd, now in cupboards, in drawers stowed


s: The wife waiting for the husband--he is at the tavern, jovial,


s: carousing; she, alone in the kitchen sprinkling clothes--the


s: little red wood clock with peaked top, with pendulum wagging


s: behind a pane of gayly painted glass, strikes twelve.


s: The sound of the husband's voice on the still night air--he is


s: singing: "We won't go home until morning!"--the wife


s: arising, toward the wood-shed hastily going, stealthily


s: entering, the voice all the time coming nearer, inebriate,


s: The husband passing the door of the wood-shed; the club over his


s: head, now with his head in contact; the sudden cessation of


s: the song; the benediction of peace over the domestic foyer


s: You hearken to the melody of my steam-calliope


s: With a fleece that shamed the driven snow.


s: Not alone Mary went when she moved her feet


s: And it tagged her 'round with a pensive bleat,


s: You'd never have thought it, never believed,


s: Like the shimmering snow or--our Clothild's arm!


s: You've seen her arm--her right, I mean--


s: The other she scalded a-washing, I ween--


s: Ah, there was soul's heart-love, deep, true, and tender,


s: Wherever went Mary, the maiden so slender,


s: There followed, his all-absorbed passion, inciting,


s: That passionate lambkin--her soul's heart delighting--


s: That lamb was sure to soon be caught in.


s: And she looked full fair and passing sweet--


s: And, oh! she owned--but cannot you guess


s: What pet can a maiden so love and caress


s: And a fleece to finger and kiss and press--


s: Wherever she wandered, in lane or street,


s: The dear!--treading on her dainty dress,


s: And its lovely fleece was beyond compare,


s: To tangle her fingers in, where they could be


s: (For her pet was white as she was fair).


s: Lost from sight, both so snow-white were,


s: Of limpid-eyed, luscious-lipped, loved beauty,


s: Wherever she wandered, hither and there,


s: Wildly that lambkin sought with her to be,


s: With the dewy-eyed, with shimmering hair,


s: And a pet as white as its mistress was fair.


s: But try the impression trick. Cool! Cool!


s: Save rare sharp stridence (that means "quack"),


s: (That means the white geese waddling home),


s: And darkness reigns! (See how it's done?)


s: Since still they make ballads that worse and worse


s: With dank leaves dangling and flower-flap chilly.


s: That shines like the shin of a Highland gilly!


s: Mottled and moist as a cold toad's skin!


s: Lustrous and leper-white, splendid and splay!


s: The peacock's feather, _sweeter than sin_,


s: That I bought for a halfpenny yesterday?


s: My lank limp lily-love, how shall I win--


s: How shall I sing to thee, softly or shrilly?


s: What shall I weave for thee--what shall I spin--


s: Shall I buzz like a bee with my face thrust in


s: Thy choice, chaste chalice, or choose me a tin


s: On the weird bird-whistle, _sweeter than sin_,


s: That I bought for a halfpenny yesterday.


s: While you smile, you whisper--'Tis sweet to decay?


s: I have watered with chlorodine, tears of chagrin,


s: The churchyard mould I have planted thee in,


s: In a rough red flower-pot, _sweeter than sin_,


s: I have made me an end of the moods of maidens,


s: I have loosed me, and leapt from the links of love;


s: From the kiss that cloys and desire that deadens,


s: The woes that madden, the words that move.


s: In the dim last days of a spent September,


s: When fruits are fallen, and flies are fain;


s: Before you forget, and while I remember,


s: Where the strong fell faints in the lazy levels


s: Of misty meadows, and streams that stray;


s: We raised us at eve from our rosy revels,


s: With the faces aflame for the death of the day;


s: With pale lips parted, and sighs that shiver,


s: Low lids that cling to the last of love:


s: And turned us and toiled to the air above.


s: By the sad sweet springs that have salved our sorrow,


s: The fates that haunt us, the grief that grips--


s: Where we walk not to-day nor shall walk not tomorrow


s: With souls nor shaken with tears nor laughter,


s: With limp knees loosed as of priests that pray,


s: We bowed us and bent to the white well-water,


s: We dipped and we drank it and bore away.


s: The low light trembled on languid lashes,


s: The haze of your hair on my mouth was blown,


s: Our love flashed fierce from its fading ashes,


s: As night's dim net on the day was thrown.


s: What was it meant for, or made for, that minute,


s: But that our lives in delight should be dipt?


s: Was it yours, or my fault, or fate's, that in it


s: Our frail feet faltered, our steep steps slipt.


s: And brake his crowne, and Jille came tumblynge after.


s: Our linked hands loosened and lapsed in sunder,


s: Love from our limbs as a shift was shed,


s: But paused a moment, to watch with wonder


s: While our sad souls still with regrets are riven,


s: While the blood burns bright on our bruised brows,


s: I have set you free, and I stand forgiven--


s: Wake! for the Hack can scatter into flight


s: Shakespeare and Dante in a single Night!


s: The Penny-a-Liner is Abroad, and strikes


s: Our Modern Literature with blithering Blight.


s: Methought a Voice from Art's Olympus cried,


s: "When all Dumas and Scott is still for Sale,


s: Why nod o'er drowsy Tales, by Tyros tried?"


s: Ah, my Beloved, write the Book that clears


s: |To-Day| of dreary Debt and sad Arrears;


s: And we, that now within the Editor's Room


s: Make merry while we have our little Boom,


s: Ourselves must we give way to next month's Set--


s: Girls with Three Names, who know not Who from Whom!


s: That Someone may, before you burn them up!


s: And if the Bosh you write, the Trash you read,


s: End in the Garbage-Barrel--take no Heed;


s: Think that you are no worse than other Scribes,


s: Who scribble Stuff to meet the Public Need.


s: So, when |Who's-Who| records your silly Name,


s: You'll think that you have found the Road to Fame;


s: And though ten thousand other Names are there,


s: You'll fancy you're a Genius, just the Same!


s: Were't not a Shame--were't not a Shame for him


s: Your work, he has no more from which to choose;


s: The Woman's Touch runs through our Magazines;


s: The same old Plots, the same old Ways and Means.


s: But if, in spite of this, you build a Plot


s: You gaze |To-Day| upon a Slip, which reads,


s: "The Editor Regrets"--and such-like Rot.


s: Waste not your Ink, and don't attempt to use


s: Than, starving, court an ill-requited Muse!


s: Strange--is it not?--that of the Authors who


s: Make a Success, though here they score a Hit?


s: The British Public knows a Thing or Two!


s: The Scribe no question makes of Verse or Prose,


s: And he who buys three thousand words of Drool,


s: He knows what People want--you Bet He knows!


s: Would but some wingèd Angel bring the News


s: Of Critic who reads Books that he Reviews,


s: Himself, before he Meed of Praise refuse!


s: Ah, Love, could you and I perchance succeed


s: In boiling down the Million Books we read


s: There'd be a |World's Best Literature| indeed!


s: The herd of folly, without colour bright,


s: Or fill the Poet's mind, or songs arouse!


s: And though I'd like, just once, to see thee,


s: I'd see thee, but I would not be thee if I might.


s: Our sweetest songs are those that tell of Purple Cows.


s: The curfew tolls the knell of parting day,


s: The lowing herd winds slowly o'er the lea;


s: I watched them slowly wend their weary way,


s: Full many a donkey writes of her, I ween,


s: But neither of these creatures would I be.


s: There, little Cow, don't cry, don't cry.


s: Of purple tint, like to a sun-soaked grape--


s: Of purple tint, like royal velvet cape--


s: This Cow that darkles the red and the blue!


s: A brave lookout; lest I should be asleep


s: When she comes by. For, though I would not be one,


s: I've oft imagined 'twould be joy to see one.


s: She strayed and strayed and strayed and strayed


s: Yet were I that Cow I should want to die.


s: But with mien of chorus lady perched herself above my door.


s: On a dusty bust of Dante perched and sat above my door.


s: On that dusty bust of Dante just above my chamber door,


s: And my soul from out that pool of Purple shadow on the floor,


s: By the side of wan waves do you languish?


s: (Who was so enthused that he made a second attempt.)


s: Only in dim, drowsy depths of a dream do I dare to delight in


s: When the boys kissed me and called me sweet.


s: A sort of human mimosa; and I hadn't much brains,


s: That's why I trembled with fear when they frowned.


s: For I was sweetly pretty and most pliable.


s: But, oh, the grim joke of asking Ben Bolt if he remembered me!


s: Well, never mind. He paid for this granite slab,


s: And it's as stylish as any in the church yard.


s: But I wish I had a more becoming shroud.


s: I was one of those long, lanky, loose-jointed girls


s: They are willowy and psychic and mysterious.


s: I was always hungry; I never ate enough to satisfy me,


s: Oh, how little the world knows of the bitterness of life


s: He described me all dolled up in some ladies' wearing apparel


s: I had fasted all day, and had had my hair marcelled


s: But he seemed to think he really saw me,


s: Seemed to think I appeared to him after my death.


s: Those spiritualists are always seeing things!


s: Of course everybody thought I was all broken up


s: For she was one of those self-starting weepers,


s: And a man can't stand blubbering all the time.


s: And they were less frequent then than later.


s: And you bet it makes a difference to him!


s: For we were to be married,--at least, I think we were,


s: And he'd made me promise to deed him the house.


s: Her with her Whistler's Mother and her Baby Stuart


s: And I hate her, and I'm glad she squints.


s: But I had heard so much of those mud baths,


s: Weeds, slime, and tangled vines! Oh, me!


s: But I think my death scene is unexcelled


s: It beats that scrawny, red-headed old thing of Tom Hood's


s: Don't they speak pieces about me Friday afternoons?


s: Don't everybody know the first two lines of my story,--


s: But I wish Movin' Pitchers had been invented then!


s: If you want to get a good, old-fashioned chills and fever,


s: Just because that little flibbertigibbet, Annie Laurie


s: She played the very devil with my peace of mind.


s: And then laugh at me through her dimples!


s: And I'd beg her to have the banns called,--


s: That like a fool, I said I'd lay me doon


s: Of garden, of field, and of tree-flowers,


s: Happy he, O Springtide, who hath found thee,


s: With thy garment of greenery round thee,


s: When the songs of thy singers are sifted,


s: Thy flowers, thy pastimes and pleasures,


s: But I'll join the temperance ranks, John,


s: "You are old, Father William," the young man said,


s: Your eyes have turned round to the back of your head,


s: "I know it, I know it," the old man replied,


s: Who said if I laughed when the crocodile died


s: You use too much mortar in mixing your bread,


s: "Very true, very true," said the wretched old man,


s: And it's caused by my having my kerosene can


s: "And your teeth are beginning to freeze,


s: Your favorite daughter has wheels in her head,


s: And the chickens are eating your knees."


s: "You are right," said the old man, "I cannot deny,


s: But I'll butter my ears on the Fourth of July,


s: That a maiden lived whom you mightn't know


s: And this maiden she lived with no other thought


s: But she loved with a love that was more than love,


s: With a love that could take me roast or fried


s: But the stars never rise but I think of the size


s: And the moon never stares but it brings me nightmares


s: And all the night-tide she is restless inside,


s: Is my still indigestible dinner-belle bride,


s: And rushing and leaping and crushing and creeping;


s: Feathers a-flying all--bonnets untying all--


s: Petticoats rapping and flapping and slapping all,


s: Crinolines flowing and blowing and showing all


s: Balmorals, dancing and glancing, entrancing all;


s: Lady-loves whisking and frisking and clinging on


s: True-lovers puffing and blowing and springing on,


s: Dashing and clashing and shying and flying on,


s: Blushing and flushing and wriggling and giggling on,


s: Teasing and pleasing and squeezing and wheezing on,


s: Everlastingly falling and bawling and sprawling on,


s: Tumbling and rumbling and grumbling and stumbling on,


s: Ask me no more: I've had enough Chablis;


s: The wine may come again, and take the shape,


s: From glass to glass, of "Mountain" or of "Cape;"


s: But, my dear boy, when I have answered thee,


s: Ask me no more: what answer should I give,


s: I love not pickled pork nor partridge pie;


s: Ask me no more: unless my fate is sealed,


s: And I have striven against you all in vain.


s: Let your good butler bring me Hock again:


s: Then rest, dear boy. If for this once I yield,


s: To Urn, or not to Urn? that is the question:


s: Whether 'tis nobler for our frames to suffer


s: The shows and follies of outrageous custom,


s: Or to take fire--against a sea of zealots


s: And by consuming, end them? To Urn--to keep--


s: No more: and while we keep, to say we end


s: Contagion and the thousand graveyard ills


s: That flesh is heir to--'tis a consume-ation


s: Devoutly to be wished! To burn--to keep--


s: To keep! Perchance to lose--aye, there's the rub:


s: For in the course of things what duns may come,


s: For who would have the pall and plumes of hire,


s: The tradesman's prize--a proud man's obsequies,


s: The chaffering for graves, the legal fee,


s: When he himself might his few ashes make


s: With a mere furnace? Who would tombstones bear,


s: But that the dread of simmering after death--


s: That uncongenial furnace from whose burn


s: And makes us rather bear the graves we have


s: This, Thompson, does make cowards of us all.


s: Is thick-laid o'er with the pale ghost of nought,


s: And incremators of great pith and courage


s: But still they grew, and grew, and grew,


s: Have rear'd their stately heads so high,


s: Their leaves the dews of evening quaff,--


s: There's little Will, a five years child--


s: Comrades, you may pass the rosy. With permission of the chair,


s: I shall leave you for a little, for I'd like to take the air.


s: Whether 'twas the sauce at dinner, or that glass of ginger-beer,


s: Or these strong cheroots, I know not, but I feel a little queer.


s: Whew! This is a great relief now! Let me but undo my stock;


s: In my ears I hear the singing of a lot of favourite tunes--


s: Oh, my cousin, spider-hearted! Oh, my Amy! No, confound it!


s: I must wear the mournful willow--all around my hat I've bound it.


s: Falser than the Bank of Fancy, frailer than a shilling glove,


s: Puppet to a father's anger, minion to a nabob's love!


s: Is it well to wish thee happy? Having known me, could you ever


s: Stoop to marry half a heart, and little more than half a liver?


s: Happy! Damme! Thou shalt lower to his level day by day,


s: Changing from the best of ehina to the commonest of clay.


s: As the husband is, the wife is. He is stomach-plagued and old,


s: And his curry soups will make thy cheek the colour of his gold.


s: When his feeble love is sated, he will hold thee surely then


s: Something lower than his hookah, something less than his cayenne.


s: What is this? His eyes are pinky. Was't the claret? Oh, no, no--


s: Bless your soul, it was the salmon--salmon always makes him so.


s: Louder than the loudest trumpet, harsh as harshest ophicleide,


s: Nasal respirations answer the endearments of his bride.


s: Sweet response, delightful music! Gaze upon thy noble charge


s: Till the spirit fill thy bosom that inspired the meek Lafarge.


s: Better thou wert dead before me, better, better that I stood


s: Looking on thy murdered body, like the injured Daniel Good!


s: Better thou and I were lying, cold and limber-stiff and dead,


s: With a pan of burning charcoal underneath our nuptial bed!


s: Cursed be the marriage contract, that enslaved thy soul to greed!


s: Cursed be his foul apprentice, who the loathsome fees did earn!


s: Cursed be the clerk and parson--cursed be the whole concern!


s: But that song, so wildly plaintive, palls upon my British ears.


s: 'Twill not do to pine for ever: I am getting up in years.


s: Can't I turn the honest penny, scribbling for the weekly press,


s: And in writing Sunday libels drown my private wretchedness?


s: Oh, to feel the wild pulsation that in manhood's dawn I knew,


s: When my days were all before me, and my years were twenty-two;


s: When I smoked my independent pipe along the Quadrant wide,


s: With the many larks of London flaring up on every side;


s: When I went the pace so wildly, caring little what might come,


s: Coffee-milling care and sorrow, with a nose-adapted thumb;


s: Felt the exquisite enjoyment, tossing nightly off, oh, heavens!


s: Brandy at the Cider Cellars, kidneys smoking-hot at Evans';


s: Or in the Adelphi sitting, half in rapture, half in tears,


s: Saw the glorious melodrama conjure up the shades of years--


s: Saw Jack Sheppard, noble stripling, act his wondrous feats again,


s: Since, my heart is sore and withered, and I do not care a curse


s: Whether worse shall be the better, or the better be the worse.


s: Hark! my merry comrades call me, bawling for another jorum;


s: They would mock me in derision, should I thus appear before 'em.


s: Womankind no more shall vex me, such, at least, as go arrayed


s: In the most expensive satins, and the newest silk brocade.


s: I'll to Afric, lion-haunted, where the giant forest yields


s: Rarer robes and finer tissue than are sold at Spitalfields.


s: Or to burst all chains of habit, flinging habit's self aside,


s: I shall walk the tangled jungle in mankind's primeval pride;


s: Feeding on the luscious berries and the rich casava root,


s: Lots of dates and lots of guavas, clusters of forbidden fruit.


s: Never comes the trader thither, never o'er the purple main


s: Sounds the oath of British commerce, or the accents of Cockaigne.


s: I will take some savage woman--nay, I'll take at least a dozen.


s: Whistle to the cockatoos, and mock the hairy-faced baboon,